“Man, so much has happened in 2014, aka my second year writing for Angry Metal Guy. Having my very own office away from the boiler room (which reeked of desperation, sadness, and decaying flesh… kinda like your local Abercrombie & Fitch with less Axe body spray), seeing familiar faces leave, welcoming in a new batch of talent… it’s been a pretty hectic year.” Grymm’s all grown up and has a man’s list! *Sniffle*…Where did the time go?
“When Cathedral went belly up last year, riff-meister extraordinaire Gaz Jennings was left with some time on his nimble hands. Like any good doom maven he used this time to recruit a new band and launch Death Penalty, which he lovingly named after the debut by classic doomsters Witchfinder General.” If Gaz be playing, you best be paying.
“Being the metal fan that you are, I can only assume you’ve had that late-night trip to the record store, hell-bent on purchasing a new album. It doesn’t even matter what album. However, tonight it turns out your favorite record store doesn’t have shit in the way of metal. Either you own it or don’t want it. So you base your purchasing decision on close examination of the “fans of blah blah blah” labels, the artwork, and the band name itself. You finally come across an album just released that week and buy it knowing there’s the possibility for one-of-three outcomes.” Buying blind, oh the thrill!
“I dislike ‘Viking metal’ as a descriptor. It’s a vague term which alludes to lyrical content above the music itself. It can entail black or folk metal-derived darkness (Bathory), epic doom (Atlantean Kodex), raucous melodeath (Amon Amarth), and even power metal (Týr). Iceland’s Skálmöld falls somewhere between Amon Amarth’s melodeath and the galloping triple-axe attack of Iron Maiden, stopping off at black metal for its raw tone and dabbling in doom for its long songs. See, wasn’t that easier than just ‘Viking metal’?” It is easier, but then Wotan will smite us.
“I was worried about this album. Revocation have had it too good for too long, releasing large quantities of absurdly excellent music with extreme consistency over a timespan that most other artists would take to write just one album. They’ve been cranking out yearly releases since their magnum opus Chaos of Forms in 2011. Yearly releases. For four years. The honeymoon has to end sometime, right?” Or does it?
“It pains me to say it, but the best American rock band hails from Norway. Their name is Audrey Horne and they’re mercy ruling the competition out of the game. This brilliant, idiot-manchild side project of Ice Dale (Enslaved) and Thomas Tofthagen (Sahg) has blazed a shockingly catchy trail of pure rock lunacy since 2005s Confessions and Alcohol. Their eponymous 2010 album was a positively brilliant amalgam of Faith No More and Stone Temple Pilots, surpassed only by 2013s Youngblood for skin snagging hooks and mega memorable rock anthems. This is the kind of band that serves up frothy, foamy good times music with so much swagger they can barely walk in a straight line. That’s right, it’s big pimpin, hard rocking, dirty rolling, greasy rock that sticks to the ribs and makes you cooler just by listening.” Resistance is futile, you will be converted to the Horde of Horne.
“Wolf has been running at the forefront of the retro metal pack for a while now, surpassing even the vainglorious cheese meisters of Hammerfall. They’ve done so with slick, memorable song writing and a healthy respect for their elders like Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and Mercyful Fate. Although they’re utterly devoid of originality or new influences, they’ve been uncannily skilled at aping and raping the past for golden metal moments of steel. 2011s Legions of Bastards had a strong Painkiller vibe, but Devil Seed slows things down and adopts a darker,more restive, simmering mood, like a filthy mob of commoners perpetually on the verge of rioting against the haughty upper crust.” Honey, the Wolf is at the door again!
If you thought the once proud battle flag of NWoBHM was laying somewhere gathering dust and regret, the unheralded young guns in Kaine are certainly trying to patch it up and give it a fresh new look. Their sophomore opus The Waystone is loaded with fanboy worship of everything Iron Maiden, Saxon and Grim Reaper stood for in the 80s and features tons of Maiden-esque gallops and vintage metal riffs (mostly from the you-know-who school).” This one really seemed to baffle and befuddle Mr. Steel. We like when that happens because it’s funny.
“Wow, these guys have been around forever! Empire of the Undead is Gamma Ray’s eleventh freaking album, and we get it despite the fact their recording studio burned down and everything was lost, except the masters for this baby. So what do you get from a band so beloved and long in the tooth?” After so many albums, what are you expecting? Steel Druhm expects you to read this.
“When a band hits a certain level of fame, usually it gives them free reign to do whatever their innermost muse guides them to create without fear of their label dropping them. They can craft new masterpieces to guide the listener to unknown lands, and hold them there for the duration of the album’s captivating length. They can also lull the unsuspecting fan into a false sense of security before bludgeoning them to a wet, slushy pulp. In other words, no matter what the band does, it’s guaranteed that their label will back them up, as they are proven to sell like virtual gang-busters.” Which approach will Lacuna Coil take? Are you sure?
