“As 2016 draws its very first breaths, it’s clear retro metal is here to stay. With throwback acts like Night Flight Orchestra appearing in various AMG year end lists and the utter debacle of White Wizzard scoring a coveted 5.0, the battle is all but over and we must accept our olde timey overlords’ authoritah.” Submit to your fate and get in the Cauldron.
“Well, 2015 is over and… it was terrible. But rather than bore you with the details, I’ll sum it up like so: rah, rah, rah, I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate everyone and just want to listen to Abstracter in an air-conditioned room while some guy in a Chester the Cheetah costume gives me a back massage. Fortunately, St. Louis black-sludge trio The Lion’s Daughter have produced the perfect soundtrack to my slacker misanthropy with their sophomore LP, Existence Is Horror.” Muppet Cheetah back rubs are overrated.
“In recent months, I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend of bands putting out hours worth of new music as one album. While Iron Maiden has already been notorious for giving you your money’s worth since the creation of the compact disc, other acts are taking that idea and running wild with it. I’ve always been a proponent of the idea that less is more [How can that be? – Yngwie]. Apparently, Brazil’s Bode Preto (or “Black Goat” in Portuguese) believes in the same philosophy. Mystic Massacre, their second album, is a hair shy of thirty minutes long. A little goes a long way… or is Mr. Malmsteen right?”
