Jun16

Secret Rule – Machination Review

Secret Rule – Machination Review

“Remember Amaranthe? Say what you want about them as a metal band (which, if you’re being six figure tax return levels of charitable, would be “not so great”), but as a pop band they’re alright. Massive Addictive was catchy, regardless of the fact that it was meticulously crafted by Swedish pop robots, made of 100% candy-coated processed cheese, and equal in substance to a sugar rush. Italy’s Secret Rule is pure processed cheese too.” Cheese and sugar go together like dynamite and napalm.

Paradox – Pangea Review

Paradox – Pangea Review

“It wasn’t so long ago I referenced the basic unkillability of Germanic metal bands, regardless of stature and fame. As if to provide a flying buttress to my argument, along comes Paradox, a classic second tier thrash act from the 80s that are amazingly still functioning some 30 years later despite a paucity of success or notoriety.” Rock hard, rock olde.

Denner/Shermann – Masters of Evil Review

Denner/Shermann – Masters of Evil Review

“Well, the day has come once more. The AMG staff is ashamed, Dr. Grier is a giddy school girl, and pure fanboyism is about to play out. Yep, the full-length debut from Denner/Shermann has finally hit the record shelves. “Oh, shit…,” you might be saying. Or maybe “Fuck me, here comes another 5.0/5.0.” But, keep this in mind: at least it isn’t a new King Diamond record.” Thank goodness for minor miracles.

Sink – Ark of Contempt and Anger Review

Sink – Ark of Contempt and Anger Review

“Just like death and taxes, you can count on Svart Records to artfully bestow the weird and the wonderful. Ark of Contempt and Anger‘s promo blurb begins by saying that ‘Sink have once again created an oddly compelling and strangely enchanting album that is truly in a league of its own.’ Add to that, Sink promises rich and complex compositions woven with enigmatic lyrics, and I’ll admit I had a hard time resisting this.” Plus there’s a cute dog on the cover!

Helleborus – The Carnal Sabbath Review

Helleborus – The Carnal Sabbath Review

“Named after the gorgeous but poisonous winter flower of the same name, Helleborus’ debut full-length The Carnal Sabbath is a proper manifestation of both the gorgeous and the poisonous. Coloradan brothers Wyatt and Jerred Houseman have created a peculiar cosmic world anchored by a standard modern-day black metal sound: part Deathspell Omega and part Behemoth.” Flowers are way more metal than you know.

Be’lakor – Vessels Review

Be’lakor – Vessels Review

“Hey kids. I’ve been away a while. Real life grabbed me by the collar and I couldn’t ignore it for fear of fucking up my future. But unlike your father who left for those cigarettes 10 years ago, I have returned. And what a way to return – the new Be’lakor, the critically-acclaimed melodeath darling child from Down Under.” What a way to make a re-entrance!

Neige et Noirceur – Les Tenebres Modernes Review

Neige et Noirceur – Les Tenebres Modernes Review

“Beginning with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the atrocities brought forth from the first World War were heinous and grotesque. People getting killed in trenches (sometimes mistakenly by their own allies), the introduction of chemical warfare, and the starvation of both prisoners of war and civilians rounded up by the Central Powers would make for some fertile ground for metal bands to sow. One such band, Quebec’s Neige et Noirceur, decided to take one of the bloodiest battles in the history of the world and create a 40-minute tale of war, death, and various repressed emotions in the form of their fourth album, Les Ténèbres Modernes.” War metal from Canada? That just seems weird.

Waxen – Weihung Auf Satan Review

Waxen – Weihung Auf Satan Review

“Metal has more than its share of genres and sub-genres already, but guitar virtuoso Toby Knapp (Onward, Where Evil Follows) is intent on carving out yet another one via his one-man Waxen project. That genre would be called something like “shreddy black metal,” since third album, Weihung Auf Satan essentially answers the question – what would happen if Richie Blackmore or Yngwie Malmsteen recorded a black metal album?” Prepare to be bewildered.