“Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if, after all these years ov atmoblack reviews, maybe you’d like to meet something different? After rolling in the deep end of our promo bin’s blackest, mopiest waters for so long, it felt appropriate to set fire to the reign ov black ‘n boo-hoo bands and send my love to a new genre.” Muppet grinder.
“As a pledged and proud purveyor of pessimism and particularly powerful pieces ov post-black pain, it’s probably presumed by you plebs that this puppet perceives positivity and pleasure as pointless and pathetic, practically on par with such unpalatable practices as publicly popping pimples or pooping in the pool. Well, be proud, you presumptuous phucks poopyheads: you’re right. Everything sucks and it’s all your fault. It’s hard for a Muppet to make much meaning of mankind’s minute moments of mirth when there’s just so much wrong with the world. I could go on forever about how humans are just the absolute fucking worst, but it wouldn’t sound anywhere near as glorious as King Apathy’s latest sonic assessment of the essential suckiness of our species. So, in the interest of avoiding my transforming into a velvety Lewis Black, let’s rant talk write about that instead.” And this guy thinks the SCORE he’s giving these guys is the thing that’s gonna get him fired…
“Week 2 of Madam X Month sees the Huckster taking on one of X’s favorites from years gone by, Décembre Noir. Our esteemed headmistress reviewed their debut back in 2014, and was impressed enough by A Discouraged Believer that she managed to twist the untwistable arm of Steel Druhm and have the album declared a runner up in the May 2014 Record(s) o’ the Month column—not to mention including it in her own Top Ten(ish) list that year. We somehow missed their follow-up, 2016’s Forsaken Earth, but we are not about to make the same mistake with Autumn Kings. The question is, four years on from their debut, what do Décembre Noir bring to the table that they didn’t on their debut?” Season’s feelz beatings.
“Bonjour tristesse: hello sadness. Nathanael — the bassist, guitarist, and lyricist for Thränenkind (who are now King Apathy) and Heretoir — focuses his attention on the oppressive realities of existing within depressing, lonely and bitter industrial societies.” Cities at night.
“Last month, one of our devoted thralls loyal readers was bemoaning the fact that we haven’t used the “Non-Metal Metal Things” tag in a while. Well, here you go, courtesy of dark Icelandic rockers (and Madam X favorites) Kontinuum. Why is the Huckster reviewing this album instead of Madam X?” Icelandic mystery.
“Ancst have put in a tremendous amount of work since assuming the metal mantle. Birthed in Berlin and born bearing the badge of Angst back in 2011, these Germans have done much more than change their name since erupting into existence under the new moniker in 2012. Six splits, seven EPs, and one excellent full-length have reared their livid heads along the way. And the beast only continues to grow, both in presence and power. There’s more Ancst and more to Ancst with each new offering, and Ghosts of the Timeless Void is no exception.” Void rage.
“I love Insomnium. Big shock, I know. Of the eight reviews with Insomnium namedrops this year, I own more than half of them. Imagine my dismay when, upon returning from re-education vacation, I stumbled across a lonely slab of Insomnium-core from November, unreviewed and unloved. From Greece, to boot! Aetherian laid their pearly adoration for melodeath’s upper crust before swine and I’m going to give them their due.” Melodeath before nuclear hogs.
“Before reading this here review, do me a huge and grab your nearest dictionary. Go on, I’m a patient man-cat. Scroll to the letter ‘E’ and look up the word “experimental” for me. ‘Experimental,’ by definition, relates to ideas never been used before, or lands never traversed prior. It means that whatever this amalgamation is, it’s something truly hasn’t been done before. It’s tough to pull off in metal music, but it does happen. So when the word ‘experimental’ (and next-of-kin descriptive noun ‘individualistic’) gets thrown about in a one-sheet promo PDF, the hairs on my neck stand on end.” Pavlovian neck hairs?
“Why tech-death insists on being an exercise in as many bands as possible doing the exact same thing as each other, is something that baffles. On that note, and with Beuller-approved levels of irony, let’s talk about some dudes from Dubai and what they’ve done with the genre on their third full-length, Past, Present… Torture.” Dial N for Nile, oh, and Nervecell.
“Whenever a band drops a landmark album, the inevitable game of genre pollution happens. Every now and then, one of that band’s influences creates an album or sound that’s as good, if not better, than the original. However, for the most part, the creative well runs dry after a while. Case in point: Spanish newcomers The Holeum are tossing their hats into the overly crowded post-metal ring with their debut, Negative Abyss.” Post metal for Post-Summertime.
