Lordi

Serpent Noir – Death Clan OD Review

Serpent Noir – Death Clan OD Review

“Hmmm… a Greek black metal band that sounds like Marduk, Gorgoroth, and Ofermod? Yeah, that oughta work. And this year’s Death Clan OD is only their third release. Well, this should be easy enough. *Five minutes into 2012’s Seeing Through the Shadow Consciousness (Open Up the Shells)* What in the hell was that?! *Five seconds into the 2015 follow-up, Erotomysticism* What in the fucking fuck?! So much for an easy, middle-of-the-road black metal release.” Clan wars.

Lordi – Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) Review

Lordi – Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) Review

“The rubber costumes, Halloween-themed perversions, and Rob Zombie-meets-’80s hair metal ditties aren’t on the list of ‘Things Metalheads Need.’ Yet, their Gwar-ish concepts spring up every couple of years as the Metal Monster Squad’s own songs (?) summon them via radio shows hosted by either Twisted Sister‘s Dee Snider or Rockin’ Ralph Ruiz. And they don’t seem to care if you want what they have to offer or not—even if they’ve done it some ten times in twice as many years. And, only God/Satan knows, but there’s a handful of you sick sonsabitches out there that enjoy this crap. So, this review of Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) is for you. Be ashamed of yourself.” Monster, Inc.

Lordi – Sexorcism Review

Lordi – Sexorcism Review

“The first time I heard Lordi was when everyone else did. It was 2006, they had just won Eurovision (never seen it; don’t care) and their third full-length, The Arockalypse, had hit the streets. I was driving down the 101 in Phoenix, having just purchased it on CD. It was early April, already hot as hell, and I didn’t have AC in my forest-green Geo Tracker. For my horrible mood, my sweat-soaked Yanks cap, and the t-shirt glued to the seat, I was, surprisingly, having a good time.” Lordi, Lordi.

Abysmal Grief – Blasphema Secta Review

Abysmal Grief – Blasphema Secta Review

“Italy’s Abysmal Grief have been doing horror-themed doomed things for 22 years. That’s a lot of time to be doing anything, perhaps enough that one might expect something downright brilliant from a band with such experience, but riddle me this: when’s the last time you encountered a brilliant 22-year-old?” Young, dumb and fulla doom.

Machine Head – Catharsis Review

Machine Head – Catharsis Review

Machine Head was with me during some dark times and I was there for them. So, to say I’m a fan—or to say that they changed my life—is an understatement. But, now, 2018’s Catharsis is upon us. And, honestly, I’m so fucking confused, depressed, and speechless that all I can do is sit here quietly, wondering how much longer I can go on supporting my beloved Machine Head.” Gaskets blown here.

GWAR – Battle Maximus Review

GWAR – Battle Maximus Review

“When a brother falls, be he killed in battle, disintegrated or turned Mormon, it takes an ordeal of thundering proportions to find that Scumdog with enough bombastic enormity to crush the competition and fill the fallen’s truculent footsteps. And so Battle Maximus is born, a musical trial-by-combat and but one Scumdog remains – the the zit-encrusted, shred-ulously incredulous Pustulus Maximus (aka Brent Legion, ex-Cannabis Corpse). Shock rock or monster metal, call it what you will, after a three year wait and regroup, GWAR are back in the ring with their kooky Lordi or A Band of Orcs theatrics and their caustic, blood-soaked poetry as only they can deliver!” Battle, blood and pustulence! What more can anyone hope for? Madam X dives into the Gor Gor and reveals the horrors that lurk inside the new GWAR shit show.