[Luca Turilli’s] Rhapsody [of Fire]

Almanac – A Discographic Review [Tsar (2016), Kingslayer (2017) and Rush of Death (2020)]

Almanac – A Discographic Review [Tsar (2016), Kingslayer (2017) and Rush of Death (2020)]

“For the last four years, I have been neglecting—and you have been denied my Very Important Opinion™ about—one of the most idiosyncratic voices in metal: Victor Smolski. And so, in a Swallow the Sun-sized act of hubris, I’m writing a discographic review of Victor Smolski’s Almanac.” You can’t spell “Almanac” without MAN!

Angry Metal Guy’s Top Ten(ish) o’ 2019

Angry Metal Guy’s Top Ten(ish) o’ 2019

I’m a big fan of the D&D-themed webcomic Order of the Stick. As the comic became a true phenomenon a decade ago and its author Rich Burlew became increasingly in demand, he began drawing himself looking more disheveled with every self-portrait. In the introduction to the most recently released book, his self-portrait is wearing sweatpants, has unkempt hair and looks about ready to fall over. That is a feeling I viscerally share. Or, as the kids say in 2019: IT ME!

Record(s) o’ the Month – July 2019

Record(s) o’ the Month – July 2019

On the road to finishing my dissertation, there will be many bumps. Today’s bump? I’m writing the Record(s) o’ the Month for July which robs me of time for completing my real goal. My real goal right now is to pump out 2,500 words a day of lifeless academic text that will suck the joy out of a fascinating topic for readers so that the ancient Blood God Academius, whose grotesque form lives solely upon the sacrificed blood, sweat, tears and writers guilt innocent and naïve graduate students, can be sated.

Turilli / Lione Rhapsody – Zero Gravity: Rebirth and Evolution Review

Turilli / Lione Rhapsody – Zero Gravity: Rebirth and Evolution Review

“Luca Turilli—the primary composer and guitar hero of various versions of [Luca Turilli’s] Rhapsody [of Fire]—represents one of two types of successful musicians, for me. I suspect that if one groups successful artists by attitude toward music, you’ll find two attitudes that can be grouped as either high or low openness to experience.” Guess who’s back to wax poetic about the new Turilli/Lione Rhapsody record? This motherfucking guy!

Gloryhammer – Legends From Beyond the Galactic Terrorvortex Review

Gloryhammer – Legends From Beyond the Galactic Terrorvortex Review

“If you missed the tongue-bathing AMG gave their last album, Gloryhammer are one of the best active Rhapsody-style epic power metal bands, and also a loving, self-aware parody of same. They’re founded first on quality and second on overly-amped up tropes—D-tier speculative fiction plot, non-native English speaker lyrics, etc.—to the precise point where they become obviously funny. It’s not so overdone that it becomes tiresome, and it works because of the attention to detail and cohesiveness of the whole: take a couple of elements away and you might wonder whether they were actually serious all along.” Get hammered.

Fleshgod Apocalypse – Veleno Review

Fleshgod Apocalypse – Veleno Review

Fleshgod Apocalypse—known affectionately at the AMG offices as “Death Metal Rhapsody of Fire”—had a meteoric rise from its humble beginnings on 2009’s innovative Oracles. Though these Italian death metallers started on a Candlelight/Willtowtip, Nuclear Blast wasted no time elevating them to underground metal’s biggest stage. That pickup resulted in a larger budget, bigger productions and an evolution beyond the band’s death metal quartet status.” One of the brightest stars in the death metal universe is back with its fifth album. Will this be the one that makes us all go “Uuaaaaaauuuu”?

Rhapsody of Fire – The Eighth Mountain Review

Rhapsody of Fire – The Eighth Mountain Review

Rhapsody’s history has all the operatic drama required of its Italian heritage. Rhapsody, one of the ‘90s and early-aughts’ finest power metal bands, rose to prominence on the back of outstanding material before suffering a string of setbacks in the mid-2000s. After some legal drama and a triumphant return with two brilliant albums in two years, the band’s primary composers—Luca Turilli and Alex Staropoli—split the world in two.” Now Rhapsody of Fire is back with its third post-split album and first with a band new vocalist. What could go wrong?

Nanowar of Steel – Stairway to Valhalla Review

Nanowar of Steel – Stairway to Valhalla Review

“For the first three years of their existence, Nanowar of Steel operated under the shortened moniker of Nanowar, adding the of Steel subtitle through a hasty MS Paint logo re-work in 2006. As NoS’s Facebook page states, this was done “not in order to spoof Rhapsody of Fire, but for REAL and TRUE copyright issues.” There’s some serious power metal in-jokage going on with the title alone, an infectious cheekiness that has spread to every corner of Stairway to Valhalla’s musical and lyrical execution.” Sign of the Humor.

Eunomia – The Chronicles of Eunomia Part I Review

Eunomia – The Chronicles of Eunomia Part I Review

“Every tepid, derivative power metal act I’ve ever reviewed for this humble blog, pay attention: This is how it’s done. Please, for the love of Turilli, don’t take this to mean that Eunomia‘s The Chronicles of Eunomia Part I, the brainchild of one Peter Danielsen, is a sterling example of a refined power metal release; mimicking this record’s technical foibles would be, on all fronts, an objectively bad idea.” War clubbing.

Derdian – DNA Review

Derdian – DNA Review

“As my musical tastes expand ever outwards, it becomes increasingly fascinating to revisit bands I once held in high esteem. This includes a countless number of power metal bands that have aged approximately as well as room temperature milk, as I was once immune to the effects of achingly derivative performances, awkward theatrical singing, and directionless guitar wankery. I hadn’t listened to Derdian in years before spying this familiar, silly name in the depths of the AMG promo quagmire.” Cheese in the muck.