“Hysterical bravely sets about to chronicle the worst of nu-metal’s many issues and combine them into a nugget so devoid of anything enjoyable it almost wraps back round to depressive suicidal black metal. Just without the black metal.” 2020 right now.
“What am I supposed to do if I can’t look at a band’s country of origin and judge them accordingly? What the fuck am I supposed to do as a reviewer if I can’t take one of my Sodom reviews, copy-and-paste it into the blog, and change the band name and album title? Don’t worry, dear reader. It’s no problem. I’ll, instead, steal some adjectives from Steel‘s Death Angel reviews and verbiage from AMG‘s Iced Earth ones to pen my writeup of The Final Divide. That’ll work.” Plague of plagiarism.
“As one begins to explore metal more and more deeply, one comes to the realization that there are certain ‘legendary’ albums that seem to be appreciated more for being innovative than actually being good. I would argue, for example, that Napalm Death’s Scum is a pretty mediocre album overall and was far surpassed by the material that followed it, even if it remains a critical piece of extreme metal’s history. This becomes a problem when bands create new releases similar in style to these ‘innovative but not very good’ albums, resulting in records that are neither innovative nor good. But maybe Stomachal Corrosion could escape this fate” Tummy trouble.
“Greek thrashers Domination Inc. (minus the “Inc.” back then) released their debut Infants of Thrash. Take one look at the band’s name, and it shouldn’t surprise you that Infants sounds a cowboys from hell of a lot like Pantera. Fast forward four years and sophomore effort Memoir 414 finds the band wanting to “slightly move away from our initial old-school sound” and hoping that it will sound “heavier and more modern.”” Vulgar display of diary entries.
“Though absurd on so many levels, let’s imagine what it would be like to combine the aggressiveness of Down’s ‘Lifer’ and the catchiness of ‘On March the Saints’ with the comeback power of Machine Head’s ‘Imperium’ and the apocalyptic ‘Halo,’ all wrapped up in VH1’s second favorite grunge band, Alice in Chains. That must mean Damn Your Eyes’ debut record, Kill the Outside, sounds like ‘Aesthetics of Hate’-meets-‘Down in a Hole’-meets-‘Bury Me in Smoke,’ right? Wrong.” Damn you ears.
“Sabaton has made singing about war nearly as lucrative a proposition as Motley Crüe made singing about their dicks. And unlike their cock rocking elder’s chosen idiom, nation on nation violence translates far better into the metal ethos. Tales of bravery, battle and death are the bloody blocks upon which metal was originally built, and it drinks deeply of that Bathoryian tub to this day.” Draft day.
“It’s funny how bands try to embellish their true nature through genre tags sometimes. Metalcore often tries to lay claim to melodic death metal, probably because it causes less out-of-hand rejection. Progressive metal promos are a minefield of djent bands, which can be progressive but are often anything but. Another one to be wary of is groove metal. Groove metal doesn’t have a great reputation in and of itself, and it’s bound to degrade further with the amount of nu-metal bands co-opting the term. Blacklist-9 (written randomly with or without hyphen even on the band’s own sources) ostensibly play groove metal.” Adding to the list.
Doctors in Da House! Next Dr. A.N. Grier presents his Top Ten of 2018. It’s been meticulously researched, so now it needs peer review. Give it!
“If you’re anything like me, you often find yourself pondering the great questions of the universe. For instance, like me you’ve probably wondered what would happen if Lamb of God and Kataklysm made sweet love while Alestorm sat in the corner reading them a bedtime story. Unlike most of the big questions plaguing humanity, we no longer have to speculate on this one. Polish band Vane love drama on the high seas, and on their debut album Black Vengeance, they throw their three-pointed hat into the hotly contested ring of pirate metal. Is this going to be worth the pay-per-view fee?” Hoist the N00bs and batten down the skull pit!
“With a concept album comes even more pressure than a typical release. Not only should the music be good, but it should seamlessly blend with the story. And it’s gotta be convincing. When I listen to King’s The Puppetmaster, I can feel myself hanging from a hook at a long-forgotten puppet shop in “Living Dead.” I can feel the battle brewing in the barren wasteland of Iced Earth’s “Desert Rain.” And I can feel the weight hanging on Immortal in Unleash the Archers’ “Cleanse the Bloodlines.” What’s it feel like to make a pact with a demon to obliterate organized religion?” 39 spirits and a Grier ain’t one.
