“I’m sure by now you all know about Angry Metal Guy’s Law of Diminishing Recordings. In short form, your favorite band is going to eventually suck because they’ll either run their ideas to the ground, or they’ll change and you’ll want to kill them for it.” This likely isn’t the intro you want attached to a review of a Primordial album, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Say what you will about Arizona’s Job for a Cowboy, but the divisive modern death metal unit certainly inspires fierce debate between metalheads on either side of the fence. I haven’t found much reason to form a strong opinion for the band one way or another, aside from their preposterous choice of moniker, and frankly I’ve been fairly nonplussed about their career thus far. Of course, for many they got off on the wrong foot from the beginning with the dreaded deathcore tag hanging heavily over their 2005 debut Doom EP.” God, I hate this band name so damn much.
“American Horror Story: Freak Show puts faces to the monsters that walk among us, case in point Twisty the Clown! Lords of chaos and insanity, Orion (Behemoth), Daray (Dimmu Borgir, ex-Vader) and Heinrich (ex-Decapitated) of Vesania, give these monsters a soundtrack.” I hate clowns. All of them.
“I was worried about this album. Revocation have had it too good for too long, releasing large quantities of absurdly excellent music with extreme consistency over a timespan that most other artists would take to write just one album. They’ve been cranking out yearly releases since their magnum opus Chaos of Forms in 2011. Yearly releases. For four years. The honeymoon has to end sometime, right?” Or does it?
“There’s another tidbit that escaped me as I drifted from the pulse of the underground: among a large faction of metalheads, Cannibal Corpse has passed out of vogue. I’m fully aware of the phenomena of a band achieving a level of commercial success and no longer being considered the REAL DEAL. That everyone here wasn’t scrambling to review the new Cannibal Corpse album came as a surprise to me. I remember reading about them in the pages of old metal rags when Eaten Back to Life first came out and they were being slagged left and right. People just didn’t get death metal yet.” Al Kikuras is old and out of touch and Cannibal Corpse is possibly out of vogue. What is this world coming to?
“Dripping savagery and gnashing bared teeth, that can only mean one thing… Goatwhore’s back! For those not familiar with the piss and vinegar thrashing of Blood for the Master or going back a little further the Satanic ritual of The Eclipse of Ages Into Black, Goatwhore are a stewey blackened death “project” with an all American, New Orleans twist that borrows not only members, but also the subtle influence of metal veterans Crowbar, Acid Bath, Soilent Green and Nachtmystium.” Blackened swamp thrash hath returned.
“It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.” “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” “Yes, it will, Precious, won’t it? It will get the hose!” Just like Buffalo Bill strutting his handiwork, Satan’s Wrath have returned full of, thrashy, blackened, Greek bombasity. They’ve recovered their Frankensteined Venom and Possessed skin-suits from the far reaches of their respective musty wardrobes and with the help of their trusty BeDazzler, they’ve given them a brand spanking new lease on life!” BeDazzled by the Devil? What else needs to be said about this homage to old school black/death/thrash and all things Venom and Possessed. Nothing!
“When a brother falls, be he killed in battle, disintegrated or turned Mormon, it takes an ordeal of thundering proportions to find that Scumdog with enough bombastic enormity to crush the competition and fill the fallen’s truculent footsteps. And so Battle Maximus is born, a musical trial-by-combat and but one Scumdog remains – the the zit-encrusted, shred-ulously incredulous Pustulus Maximus (aka Brent Legion, ex-Cannabis Corpse). Shock rock or monster metal, call it what you will, after a three year wait and regroup, GWAR are back in the ring with their kooky Lordi or A Band of Orcs theatrics and their caustic, blood-soaked poetry as only they can deliver!” Battle, blood and pustulence! What more can anyone hope for? Madam X dives into the Gor Gor and reveals the horrors that lurk inside the new GWAR shit show.
“It was only a matter of time before a high-profile tech-death / djent mashup appeared on the scene. If you were hanging from your 8th string with bated breath for this moment, it has finally arrived: A mere year after their inception, Pennsylvania upstarts Rivers of Nihil are crashing the gates via Metal Blade. Their debut, The Conscious Seed of Light, is slightly baffling. On one hand, it’s easy to dismiss the album as an aural collage of the t-shirts in the band’s collective closet. At times, it plays out like a modern metal Power Point presentation: Bass-lick dropouts, open string chughammers, and spiraling-into-spaaaaaace shreddery all pop up within the first handful of minutes. The trope-aping is achingly obvious. That other hand, though? It itches to wipe away the clouds of cynicism.” Tech-death meets djent? How did this take so long, and now that it’s here, is it any good? Complicated questions indeed and here’s our man Jordan Campbell with some answers.
“With these retro reviews, I’ve balanced albums from bands that had a decent following at one time and then fell off the map (Riot, Holy Terror) with those that had virtually no following at all despite a quality release (Hall Aflame, Damn the Machine). Count Cities as one of the latter…for sure. As a side band for Twisted Sister’s drummer A.J. Pero, Cities spent the 80s toiling in extreme obscurity, with only a small, but loyal fanclub in and around the New York area. With numerous line-up changes and breakups, they only managed one album; the excellent Annihilation Absolute and then promptly sank into nothingness.” If you were about to stop reading because you saw a mention of Twisted Sister, hold your horses! Steel Druhm wants to introduce you to the New York band that SHOULD HAVE been the 80s sensation!
