“Pastoral pleasures include quaint life activities like chewing on wheat straw, planning the tractor route, taking count of your animal inhabitants, and… well, shoot I don’t know, ask Cherd. Or ask Milking the Goatmachine, whose agrarian ideals include fat riffs, skanky drum beats, and squealing breakdowns.” Vote Goat 2023.
“Let me just address the elephant in the room: Voidmilker? Sure, metal’s got lots of voids – don’t even get me started. However, milk is far from the most metal liquid, unless you thought Milking the Goatmachine was the most kvlt thing since Mayhem took a shit on the ashes of an unsuspecting Norwegian church. And kvlt Voidmilker is, because black metal is the name of the game.” Got void?
“It’s late summer; baby goat season has come and passed. The now-adolescent herd will face culling and sorting for important caprine tasks: males will live to the next season for breeding within the herd or sold to other herds, and viable females will stick around for production of milk, which can serve as liquid for cheeses or in cosmetics. Potentially some goats who are neither fit for breeding nor milking will go up for sale as pets or sent to farms who raise goats for food production. Milking the Goatmachine is an atypical pair of goats though; they never made it to feed or breed. These German-born cloven-hoofed heathens escaped the goat-industrial complex to persevere as guardians of galvanized riffs, embodying the spirit of one heavy metal’s most celebrated animal icons.” Goatshake.
“Joke bands have never really been my thing. While I love groups like Cannabis Corpse and find their puns chuckle-worthy, it’s the riffs, not the mildly amusing weed references, that keep me coming back. That said, when an album called Goatgrind by Germany’s Milking the Goatmachine showed up in the AngryMetal promo list, I made a special exception.” Don’t ask him why.
