Mortician

GUINEAPIG – Parasite Review

GUINEAPIG – Parasite Review

“Suspiciously, only one other goregrind review exists on AMG, and it’s kind of shitty. If you follow the genre, you know that acts like UwU may squirt out 3 or more opuses in a year. As an organization, we are very much behind on showcasing this putrid genre of goregrind, so to rectify this oversight, I thrust myself upon GUINEAPIG’s latest bucket o’ blasts, Parasite.” Small but nasty.

Slob – Deepwoods Shack of Sodomy Review

Slob – Deepwoods Shack of Sodomy Review

“These here boys ain’t right in the head. UK duo Slob graces the world with a debut that dares to ask the question: “What if the hayseed rapists from Deliverance started a brutal death metal band and wrote a whole bunch of songs about sodomy?” It would be tempting to nickname these gentlemen “Gay Panic: The Band,” except Slob isn’t just interested in the kind of sodomy practiced belowdecks in the Royal Navy. Instead, they present us with an expansive and all-inclusive vision of the act.” Sodomy, sodomyou.

Waking the Cadaver – Authority Through Intimidation Review

Waking the Cadaver – Authority Through Intimidation Review

Waking the Cadaver is a few things to a lot of people. The first and most obvious one is them being the “Shredded Wheat” band from what was arguably the first popular metal meme. It was also the most memorable and probably the funniest, rivaled only by the Trivium “Boat Rudder” one and some gems from that page which dealt exclusively in Mortician memes. The second one, almost equally obvious, is that Waking the Cadaver traffic in a somewhat…controversial take on extreme metal which is often offensive to the ears of normies and metalheads alike. Third, Waking the Cadaver has some vitriolic bad reviews on Metal Archives. My favorite album of theirs, Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler, sits at a kingly 25% average – a firm 1.0/5.0 on the AMG scale.” Respect the dead’s authoritah!

Becerus – Homo Homini Brutus Review

Becerus – Homo Homini Brutus Review

“Cavemen have become popular again, and this time they’re not trying to sell you insurance. No, a wave of bands are doing something I appreciate and embracing the simpler elements of death metal. Bands like Frozen Soul, Sanguisugabogg, Celestial Sanctuary, and Gutless are associated with our cave-dwelling ancestors and they have one important thing in common: big, dumb riffs. What type of big dumb riffs? Mortician ones.” Welcome to Club Dead.

Exterminated – The Genesis of Genocide Review

Exterminated – The Genesis of Genocide Review

“Look, you know as well as I do that this is going to be brutal death metal. The cover, the band name, the label, and the album title all definitively point in that direction. No amount of clever misdirection can draw anyone who’s spent even twenty minutes listening to some “intro to brutal death metal” playlist astray from this fact. Even the biography of Exterminated – two members, one doing all the guitars and programming the drums, the other doing vocals – screams brutal death metal.” Generic genocide.

Sanguisugabogg – Tortured Whole Review

Sanguisugabogg – Tortured Whole Review

“Unlike what appeared to be three-quarters of death metal internet, I wasn’t truly amazed by Sanguisugabogg’s debut EP Pornographic Seizures. It sounded like brutal death metal with a penchant for thuggish “caveman riffs,” which is contemporary shorthand for “riffs which show an appreciation for Mortician.” Nevertheless, I’m a sucker for pageantry; when the ‘bogg premiered a music video produced by Troma I was firmly committed to hearing their debut full-length Tortured Whole.” Ecelectic Boggaloo.

Yer Metal is Olde: Mortician – Hacked Up for Barbecue

Yer Metal is Olde: Mortician – Hacked Up for Barbecue

2019 saw Holdeneye shock the world by asking the time-honored question we’ve all at least passively pondered: what’s the heaviest record of all time? Kronos, for his part, appeared to answer a short while later in his review for Devourment’s Obscene Majesty. If you asked New York death metal institution and heaviest band in the universe Mortician, the answer would hopefully be a Mortician record.” Brutal cue.

Ruin – Human Annihilation Review

Ruin – Human Annihilation Review

“The mystique surrounding Ruin — the band started in the ’90s, but members were incarcerated and institutionalized, and now their twisted musical vision is coming to life and they’re some sort of cult — seems, at the very least, exaggerated. To dive fully into — and thus to fully enjoy — their sophomore release Human Annihilation, we have to suspend our disbelief and think of Ruin not as a band but as a ‘death metal cult,’ as they would describe it. Only then can we dive into what they’re doing and what they seem to be trying to portray.” Metal from the big house.