Mortician

Becerus – Homo Homini Brutus Review

Becerus – Homo Homini Brutus Review

“Cavemen have become popular again, and this time they’re not trying to sell you insurance. No, a wave of bands are doing something I appreciate and embracing the simpler elements of death metal. Bands like Frozen Soul, Sanguisugabogg, Celestial Sanctuary, and Gutless are associated with our cave-dwelling ancestors and they have one important thing in common: big, dumb riffs. What type of big dumb riffs? Mortician ones.” Welcome to Club Dead.

Exterminated – The Genesis of Genocide Review

Exterminated – The Genesis of Genocide Review

“Look, you know as well as I do that this is going to be brutal death metal. The cover, the band name, the label, and the album title all definitively point in that direction. No amount of clever misdirection can draw anyone who’s spent even twenty minutes listening to some “intro to brutal death metal” playlist astray from this fact. Even the biography of Exterminated – two members, one doing all the guitars and programming the drums, the other doing vocals – screams brutal death metal.” Generic genocide.

Sanguisugabogg – Tortured Whole Review

Sanguisugabogg – Tortured Whole Review

“Unlike what appeared to be three-quarters of death metal internet, I wasn’t truly amazed by Sanguisugabogg’s debut EP Pornographic Seizures. It sounded like brutal death metal with a penchant for thuggish “caveman riffs,” which is contemporary shorthand for “riffs which show an appreciation for Mortician.” Nevertheless, I’m a sucker for pageantry; when the ‘bogg premiered a music video produced by Troma I was firmly committed to hearing their debut full-length Tortured Whole.” Ecelectic Boggaloo.

Yer Metal is Olde: Mortician – Hacked Up for Barbecue

Yer Metal is Olde: Mortician – Hacked Up for Barbecue

2019 saw Holdeneye shock the world by asking the time-honored question we’ve all at least passively pondered: what’s the heaviest record of all time? Kronos, for his part, appeared to answer a short while later in his review for Devourment’s Obscene Majesty. If you asked New York death metal institution and heaviest band in the universe Mortician, the answer would hopefully be a Mortician record.” Brutal cue.

Ruin – Human Annihilation Review

Ruin – Human Annihilation Review

“The mystique surrounding Ruin — the band started in the ’90s, but members were incarcerated and institutionalized, and now their twisted musical vision is coming to life and they’re some sort of cult — seems, at the very least, exaggerated. To dive fully into — and thus to fully enjoy — their sophomore release Human Annihilation, we have to suspend our disbelief and think of Ruin not as a band but as a ‘death metal cult,’ as they would describe it. Only then can we dive into what they’re doing and what they seem to be trying to portray.” Metal from the big house.

Vassafor/Temple Nightside – Call of the Maelstrom Review

Vassafor/Temple Nightside – Call of the Maelstrom Review

“Interesting accent these bands have got there. New Jersey? No, New Zealand. And Australia. Well then, let’s throw another shrimp on the barbie! 36 minutes of blackened thunder from down under await those with a taste for the cavernous on Call of the Maelstrom from Vassafor and Temple Nightside.” Nasty stuff for nasty people. You know who you are.

Ghoulgotha – The Deathmass Cloak Review

Ghoulgotha – The Deathmass Cloak Review

“As someone who writes music reviews, I take pride in being able to craft together a 450-550 word essay on why you should pick up an album, or why you should avoid it entirely. Keeping the reader on their tippy-toes while painting a vivid picture for your eyes and ears to digest is a great joy of mine. However, as the world aged by a year this week, I too have added another year to my existence. In doing so, I’ve realized that there comes a time where you have to dispense with the hyperbolic bullshit and just call it as it is.” Such a comment is rarely the prelude to something positive.

Madam X’s Top Ten(ish) of 2014

Madam X’s Top Ten(ish) of 2014

“As 2015 makes her grand and stately entrance, bear with and support me as I try to hunt down even more new blackened death metal albums that sound exactly like Septicflesh.” Madam X has her foibles, but she also has plenty of quirks. Join her as she unveils a Top Ten(ish) list sure to bumfuzzle and befuddle.

Things You Might Have Missed 2014: Ass to Mouth – Degenerate

Things You Might Have Missed 2014: Ass to Mouth – Degenerate

“Here at AMG, despite being metalheads and craving the extremest of the extreme and longing for the shock factor, at heart we’re still a puritanical bunch of wussies. Case in point, when faced with a band that chooses a name that’s unconventional to the point of being offensive, the band gets branded with a big scarlet letter, Twitter feeds blow up, public shunning takes place and no review is forthcoming.” While the rest of AMG ran for the hills, Madam X fearlessly tackled Ass to Mouth.