Mortician

Bonginator – The Intergalactic Gorebong of Deathpot Review

Bonginator – The Intergalactic Gorebong of Deathpot Review

“Whether you dread the stock report, the job search, the general grind of hand-to-mouth life, times are tough. That’s why we here at AMG are announcing that we’ve decided to turn a new leaf to assist with a different kind of grind. In need of hip flower? Look no further than our direct-to-consumer weed delivery platform Angry Marijuana Guy, a service sure to fall into favor with ganja socialites and herbaceous intellectuals everywhere. For this launch on the most apt of days—that’s 4/20 for us of the brutish month-day persuasion—I, Dank Dolph, have three limited edition hybrids to present to you inspired by the munchie-fueled machinations of the like-minded Massachusetts act Bonginator.” Smoke on the weedeater.

Sanguisugabogg – Homicidal Ecstasy Review

Sanguisugabogg – Homicidal Ecstasy Review

“I first discovered the deliciously wretched Sanguisugabogg, not on the pages of this blog, but thanks instead to The Algorithm ™. There I was, click-clacking away to the dulcet tones of death metal, when my ears perked up. What was this? Why, none other than the opener of the ‘Bogg’s first full-length album, Tortured Whole. I was immediately taken by their 2021 debut, and I spun that (very) bad boy many times, taken as I was by its grimy groove, brutal efficiency and the vast amounts of fun these low lives are clearly having as they squeal their way through such a pungent platter. Now here I sit, two years later, with their follow-up Homicidal Ecstasy grasped firmly in my muck-encrusted mockery of a hand.” Bogg standard.

Morbific – Squirm Beyond the Mortal Realm Review

Morbific – Squirm Beyond the Mortal Realm Review

“Finland’s Morbific returns with their second offering of music(?) in as many years, and it’s the sonic equivalent of a message written using scabs that have been arranged on the killing floor of an abandoned slaughterhouse. Here are ten tracks of caveman death metal that fetishize the pursuit of ugliness to a borderline-absurd degree.” Squirming in absurdity.

GUINEAPIG – Parasite Review

GUINEAPIG – Parasite Review

“Suspiciously, only one other goregrind review exists on AMG, and it’s kind of shitty. If you follow the genre, you know that acts like UwU may squirt out 3 or more opuses in a year. As an organization, we are very much behind on showcasing this putrid genre of goregrind, so to rectify this oversight, I thrust myself upon GUINEAPIG’s latest bucket o’ blasts, Parasite.” Small but nasty.

Slob – Deepwoods Shack of Sodomy Review

Slob – Deepwoods Shack of Sodomy Review

“These here boys ain’t right in the head. UK duo Slob graces the world with a debut that dares to ask the question: “What if the hayseed rapists from Deliverance started a brutal death metal band and wrote a whole bunch of songs about sodomy?” It would be tempting to nickname these gentlemen “Gay Panic: The Band,” except Slob isn’t just interested in the kind of sodomy practiced belowdecks in the Royal Navy. Instead, they present us with an expansive and all-inclusive vision of the act.” Sodomy, sodomyou.

Waking the Cadaver – Authority Through Intimidation Review

Waking the Cadaver – Authority Through Intimidation Review

Waking the Cadaver is a few things to a lot of people. The first and most obvious one is them being the “Shredded Wheat” band from what was arguably the first popular metal meme. It was also the most memorable and probably the funniest, rivaled only by the Trivium “Boat Rudder” one and some gems from that page which dealt exclusively in Mortician memes. The second one, almost equally obvious, is that Waking the Cadaver traffic in a somewhat…controversial take on extreme metal which is often offensive to the ears of normies and metalheads alike. Third, Waking the Cadaver has some vitriolic bad reviews on Metal Archives. My favorite album of theirs, Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler, sits at a kingly 25% average – a firm 1.0/5.0 on the AMG scale.” Respect the dead’s authoritah!

Becerus – Homo Homini Brutus Review

Becerus – Homo Homini Brutus Review

“Cavemen have become popular again, and this time they’re not trying to sell you insurance. No, a wave of bands are doing something I appreciate and embracing the simpler elements of death metal. Bands like Frozen Soul, Sanguisugabogg, Celestial Sanctuary, and Gutless are associated with our cave-dwelling ancestors and they have one important thing in common: big, dumb riffs. What type of big dumb riffs? Mortician ones.” Welcome to Club Dead.

Exterminated – The Genesis of Genocide Review

Exterminated – The Genesis of Genocide Review

“Look, you know as well as I do that this is going to be brutal death metal. The cover, the band name, the label, and the album title all definitively point in that direction. No amount of clever misdirection can draw anyone who’s spent even twenty minutes listening to some “intro to brutal death metal” playlist astray from this fact. Even the biography of Exterminated – two members, one doing all the guitars and programming the drums, the other doing vocals – screams brutal death metal.” Generic genocide.

Sanguisugabogg – Tortured Whole Review

Sanguisugabogg – Tortured Whole Review

“Unlike what appeared to be three-quarters of death metal internet, I wasn’t truly amazed by Sanguisugabogg’s debut EP Pornographic Seizures. It sounded like brutal death metal with a penchant for thuggish “caveman riffs,” which is contemporary shorthand for “riffs which show an appreciation for Mortician.” Nevertheless, I’m a sucker for pageantry; when the ‘bogg premiered a music video produced by Troma I was firmly committed to hearing their debut full-length Tortured Whole.” Ecelectic Boggaloo.