Motley Crue

Jet Jaguar – Endless Nights Review

Jet Jaguar – Endless Nights Review

“Despite being a sizable and populous country, Mexico has precious few big names in the metal scene. These days their biggest claim to fame is a certain pirate metal drinking song, followed by Brujeria’s brutal cartel-themed death metal. But there is still significant love for the more classic subgenres, and Jet Jaguar are testimony to that fact. Winners of the Wacken Open Air Metal Battle 2017, these 5 gents have been pounding the pavement and reawakening the Mesoamerican hunger for 80’s metal for a while now, and they are finally ready to drop their debut, the garishly neon-colored Endless Nights.” Own the purple night.

Vision of Choice – Mistress of the Gods Review

Vision of Choice – Mistress of the Gods Review

“And then a record comes along that takes me right back to that storied past and refills my magic bar to 100%. Mistress of the Gods, the debut album from Germany’s Vision of Choice is one of those records. After close to thirty spins of this 57-minute monster, I’m still trying to come up with the best way to describe what it sounds like. Here’s the best I got: take the masculine riffs and baritone bellows of a band like Omen, mix it with some German speed a la Helloween or Blind Guardian, add some eccentric Savatage flair, and round it out with Mötley Crüe and Van Halen, and you might get close.” Hot pocket o’ metal.

Licence – N.2.O.2.R Review

Licence – N.2.O.2.R Review

“I love complex music as much as the next metalhead. The potential for progressive structures and technical wizardry are some of the elements that set rock and metal apart from most other forms of contemporary music. But sometimes, I just want to kick back with something that’s catchy and dumb, and if there had not been plenty of people who agree with me, we’d never have had glam metal.” Expired.

Pulver – Kings Under the Sand Review

Pulver – Kings Under the Sand Review

“Things have been rather hectic here at the Hall as ov late. N00blings are blossoming into semi-functional writers, eagerly frittering about with their promos clasped to their chests and causing general chaos as they run amok. Adding further confusion to the fray, THE SYSTEM… IS DOWN; our website maintenance platform has been as cooperative as Julian Assange, thrusting our fabled Sentynel into a battle that has left vast digital bedlam in its wake. Amidst this sea of gleefully scurrying hordes and flames, order is nowhere to be found. In all this madness, I heard a voice cry out, choked and rasping from ash and years of hobo wine: ‘One of you overrating bastards better cover Pulver, or I’ll see to it that Madam X haunts you to the end of your Jørn-forsaken lives!'” Consequences and repercussions.

Chainbreaker – Lethal Desire Review

Chainbreaker – Lethal Desire Review

Chainbreaker. It’s a name that conjures images of freedom being won, justice being attained, and dragons being mothered, but it only takes a cursory listen to the lyrics on Lethal Desire to realize that this is a band whose aspirations are not nearly so lofty. Comprised of former members of Toxic Holocaust and Cauldron, Toronto’s Chainbreaker specializes in speedy thrash anthems dedicated to hell, killing, drugs, and what the Bible refers to as fornication, and sometimes all of these at one time.” Chained to the oldies.

Nanowar of Steel – Stairway to Valhalla Review

Nanowar of Steel – Stairway to Valhalla Review

“For the first three years of their existence, Nanowar of Steel operated under the shortened moniker of Nanowar, adding the of Steel subtitle through a hasty MS Paint logo re-work in 2006. As NoS’s Facebook page states, this was done “not in order to spoof Rhapsody of Fire, but for REAL and TRUE copyright issues.” There’s some serious power metal in-jokage going on with the title alone, an infectious cheekiness that has spread to every corner of Stairway to Valhalla’s musical and lyrical execution.” Sign of the Humor.

Kissin’ Dynamite – Ecstasy Review

Kissin’ Dynamite – Ecstasy Review

“Hair metal! Is there a more maligned subgenre? Given the way it warped the general public’s image of metal, and for how long, it’s hard to imagine one. But for sheer, raw fun, it can be very, very hard to beat, especially on the rare occasion one finds it executed well. But what does ‘well’ mean in this context? Is it even really possible for that word to apply to hair metal?” Hair today, gone tomorrow.

90’s Metal Weirdness – Mötley Crüe – Mötley Crüe (1994)

90’s Metal Weirdness – Mötley Crüe – Mötley Crüe (1994)

Cast your minds back to a time when metal music was not cool. Nay, indeed, a time when metal was anathema to all that was considered to be “chic” and “in.” A time when your favorite bands were actually encouraged by the music industry to play slower, cut their hair, and write sensitive lyrics about their childhoods. Yes, this unfortunately really happened. Our semi-irregular feature “90s Metal Weirdness” focuses on albums released between 1992 and 2001 and which we all probably would rather forget. But in the service of publicly shaming the musicians involved, we have pushed forward. Mötley Crüe was weird.

Autograph – Get Off Your Ass Review

Autograph – Get Off Your Ass Review

“There’s no doubt that this is one fucked up world. And to add insult to injury, Autograph has a new album. I mean, I wouldn’t want to say glam metal is irrelevant these days, but it is. And one of its pioneers is unwilling to die—trying to hold on to what it has (“Turn Up the Radio”) and hasn’t (everything else) contributed to this world.” This IS your father’s metal.

Josh Todd and the Conflict – Year of the Tiger Review

Josh Todd and the Conflict – Year of the Tiger Review

“Hard rock not-quites Buckcherry were never really that important a band, releasing one popular song that was vulgar, catchy, and immensely irritating. I was surprised, then, when frontman Josh Todd formed Josh Todd and the Conflict (hereafter JTC) and released their debut record Year of the Tiger.” Conflicted.