“As you might have noticed and/or protested, I’ve recently had a ratings run of Steelian proportions. I know I should thank my lucky stars that most of my comrades would kill to fall ass-backward into this vat of high scores and tickled bemusement. But I’m a greedy bastard and I want more!” It’s not a competition.
“It was noted in the comments that there’s been a lot of negativity around here lately. That’s not false: 2016 has suffered the runs worse than a 3rd grade recorder recital that accidentally hit the brown note. Whether that’s due to an outflow of compelling material, the recent infestation of scrubs (That’s Dr. Scrvb to you), or just something in the water at AMG Inc., the readership can only take so much aspersion. I swore I wouldn’t embrace the misery. If Re-Armed could generate a lick of positivity from their hyphenated frames, I was going to find it.” In every cloud there’s a silver lemming.
“Tipper Gore’s worst fears incarnate. A horrifying concoction of apathy and malaise wrapped in a delectable sheet of hatred, drowned in a bath of contempt represented here by club sauce. Great for parties, ask your caterer for details.” Time to rustle the jimmies.
“It’s not enough for new album releases these days to crow that they’re the work of a single person. The novelty of a sole individual stitching together a trove of instruments and producing a handcrafted, free-range, conflict-free album has long since worn off. There needs to be more – some sort of hook to separate itself from the horde of other releases jockeying to gnaw at our aural pleasure centers. With a concept built around snake handling, Fire of the Spirit is the latest release by Paul Ravenwood, whose band Twilight Fauna is described as “a blackened-folk solo project devoted to telling the often forgotten stories of the Appalachian Mountains.”” Mountain folk don’t like no outsiders intrudin’.
“Readers au fait with the -core end of the extreme music spectrum will likely be familiar with Spazz and Black Army Jacket, the members of whom would go on to form our current review subjects. But for those of you that prefer Iced Earth to Infest, these names probably don’t mean much. While grindcore was close enough to metal to appeal to both the short and the long-haired, its musical cousin powerviolence remained firmly within the hardcore punk tradition. I owe Deny the Cross thanks for forcing me to expand my musical horizons further punkwards so that I can actually review them within some sort of meaningful context.” Feel the power (and the violence).
“Ah, April. The air is crisp, the baby animals are frolicking – and apparently, the Swedish Crust Machine has gone into overdrive. For those who didn’t get enough of a D-beating from Victims’ latest album, Parasit is here to belch a layer of grime and bathroom scum all over your precious springtime paradise with sophomore LP A Proud Tradition of Stupidity.” Where did all this shaving flotsam come from?!
“Ever a purveyor of mild understatement, Encyclopaedia Metallum describes Venomous Concept as the “side project of several notable metal musicians.” Their lineup reads like a fucking who’s who of grindcore royalty and it’s one of Shane Embury’s fifteen gazillion side-projects.” Grind Royalty would be good band name too.
“Grind doesn’t do much for me these days. Sure I still get the itch for some manic, face-peeling extremity but one of the main reasons I’ve lost interest in the scene over the past couple of years is largely due to the difficulty of finding interesting bands capable of balancing the core speed and blasting ferocity of the genre with actual songcraft and hooks to keep me coming back.” Until now, that is.
“I have to give respect where it’s due. Upon reading the bio sheet that came with Stahlsarg’s debut album, Comrades in Death, I discovered that the British band already has their own beer out. I wish more bands would just cut out the middle-man and get right to brewing my favorite beverage. Also, they have shirts, coffee mugs, and even tote bags from a single glance of their webstore. All of this done without a single release! If nothing else, Stahlsarg knew to take a page from Cradle of Filth when it comes to marketing and promotion.” Beer, black metal and tote bags. Huh?
“Cheesesteaks are a big deal in Philly and as I understand it, there’s a ‘right way’ to go about ordering them. Firstly, you place your order for said cheesesteak with the cashier. Secondly you make your cheese selection and lastly you opt for or against the fried onions. The key and most crucial step though, is PLACE YOUR ORDER CONCISELY. Philly’s Die Choking approach their hypergrind in the same way – concisely.” Ready for 14 minutes of choking?
