“Alright, stop me if you’ve heard this one. Strife, Saint Vitus and Glenn Danzig walk into a bar. Danzig orders an absinthe, Saint Vitus order beers and Strife order Shirley Temples. Bartender says, “You boys can stay, but the penguin has got to go.” Ahhh? Wait, did I mention the penguin in the setup? Let me start over. Strife, Saint V…or maybe it was Earth Crisis. Is it funnier if Earth Crisis, has a penguin?” These are the jokes, kids.
“December is usually not the best time to go for a dip in the promo sump. Historically this is the month where we get deluged with re-releases and more low-fi basement black metal than a barrel full of Vardans could churn out in a fortnight. It takes a steady hand to reach into the brackish murk and pull out something promising, and fortunately, nothing is as steady as the iron hand ov Steel. That brings us to the new release by UK experimental Goth/doom act The River.” Follow The River.
“There are a lot of factors that come into play when a person decides to pick up new music to listen to, but the band name is really the most important one. Take Monasterium, for example. The word, discontinued in today’s vernacular, could refer to either a monastery or a monk’s cell within a monastery in Medieval-era English. And, really, that’s all I needed to know before grabbing Church of Bones, the band’s sophomore effort, from the Promo Bin and letting it take over my week.” Monastic metal.
“We all know that imitation is supposedly the sincerest form of flattery, but where exactly is that flimsy line, where tribute slips into mimicry and thunders down that Jacob’s ladder, only to greet the ground with a limp thud, uniform and unremarkable. This is a question I find myself pondering whilst meandering through the trails of traditional doom that comprise Deranged Pagan Sons, the fourth release from Finland’s Cardinals Folly.” Ozzy says.
