“Originating as Taarenes Vaar in 1992 in a very different metal landscape, Sølve resolved to push his brand of Norwegian black metal further than previously. Composed of two demos from 1996 and 1997, plus additional material from the same period, the integration of black metal with avant garde here is raw and darkly perverse.” There are more mentions of sex in this review than any in AMG history, and this isn’t even cock rock! You just never know what to expect these days….
Norwegian Metal
Retro-spective Review: Funeral – From These Wounds
“Classic doom metal is wrought with tragedy. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the pain of watching one’s dreams turn to dust, or just lamenting something that was never there to begin with, great doom metal can be both depressingly cathartic and strangely uplifting in its dirges and sadness. In fact, a series of tragedies would befall a very young doom band from Norway rightfully named Funeral.” This is a sad tale, my friends.
1349 – Massive Cauldron of Chaos Review
“Since 1997, 1349 has evolved a lot. And I mean a lot. They’ve changed so much that their musical career can only be compared to driving down the freeway at 70 miles per hour and hitting black ice. First, you accelerate along the on-ramp (Liberation and Beyond the Apocalypse), until you achieve top speed (Hellfire). When you come upon the ice, it sends you into uncontrollable spins (Revelations of the Black Flame) that you miraculously manage to steer free from.” Winter is fast approaching so it’s time to check your snow tires and drive safely out there!
Skyscraper – Elevation Review
“I want to begin this review of Skyscraper’s début, Elevation, with a game of complete the lyrics, from sixth track “Walk Through Fire.” “I walk through fire…” (a) “while in ferocious combat with the dragon sent by the Elven armies,” (b) “in order to emulate the fiery depths of Hell for my unification with Lucifer,” or (c) “for you.” Done? If you chose (a) or (b) then I regret to inform you that neither option is correct, but if you liked either, I would suggest that this record may not align with your usual musical preferences (and that you should book an appointment with your local shrink and/or exorcist).” Well, I flunked that pop quiz bigtime. I hate pop quizzes.
Audrey Horne – Pure Heavy Review
“It pains me to say it, but the best American rock band hails from Norway. Their name is Audrey Horne and they’re mercy ruling the competition out of the game. This brilliant, idiot-manchild side project of Ice Dale (Enslaved) and Thomas Tofthagen (Sahg) has blazed a shockingly catchy trail of pure rock lunacy since 2005s Confessions and Alcohol. Their eponymous 2010 album was a positively brilliant amalgam of Faith No More and Stone Temple Pilots, surpassed only by 2013s Youngblood for skin snagging hooks and mega memorable rock anthems. This is the kind of band that serves up frothy, foamy good times music with so much swagger they can barely walk in a straight line. That’s right, it’s big pimpin, hard rocking, dirty rolling, greasy rock that sticks to the ribs and makes you cooler just by listening.” Resistance is futile, you will be converted to the Horde of Horne.
Vinterbris – Solace Review
“Melodic black metal isn’t exactly a style that’s being extensively explored nor are its boundaries being pushed nowadays. Most of the bands that play this kind of music embrace their heritage and the stylistic elements that have been set in stone ages ago by the likes of Dissection and Naglfar. So where does the Norwegian quartet Vinterbris, formed in Bergen in 2010, stand with its second release Solace, and does it break any of the established patterns?” We’re late to the party on this one and it’s certainly jumped on the hype train, but does it really walk the walk? Probationary writer Roquentin opines.
Mayhem – Esoteric Warfare Review
“I’m sure you are looking at the title of the review and my name being attached to it, and getting all sorts of nervous and anxious. Well, don’t be. We all know that Mayhem is one of the most influential black metal bands around, but we also know that their name is synonymous with both divisiveness within the fanbase and severe fluctuations in quality.” After his scandalous bashing of De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, we just knew Grymm was the man to review this.
Den Saakaldte – Kapittel II: Faen i Helvete Review
“”One of the most hateful and gloomy records Norway has spawned,” “a twisted remedy for joy and must have for black metal enthusiasts.” Seems the promo gods are oozing praise like a big fat weepy festering boil for this little super-group of ex-Gorgoroth, 1349, Koldbrann, Fortíd and Nidingr members!” Hey look, another “super group.” Blah!
Insense – De:Evolution Review
“A few years ago, his majesty Steel Druhm reviewed Insense’s, Burn in Beautiful Fire, and hated the shit out of it, incensing many a fanboy. It was, according to him, “third-rate metalcore with all the emo/screamo pap that goes along with that craptastic style”, and by the end of the review he was ready to build a church out of copies of the album just to trick Varg Vikernes into beautifully turning them all to ash. Naturally, Steel never wants to hear a single chug out of these Norwegians again, so the task of reviewing De:Evolution has plummeted down the totem pole into my hopeful hands. “Hooray!” comes the cry of the fans, “Surely this new reviewer will bring justice to our beloved Insense, and right the wrongs of that petulant website which we shall not name.” Or will he…?” Judgment awaits!
Indefensible Positions: Grymm Attacks De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas
“Every once in a while the metal scene collectively heaps too much praise on a band or record and someone needs to step up and announce that the Emperor has no clothing. We normally don’t spend a lot of time attacking beloved records, but sometimes genuinely overrated records get far too much love from the metal sheeples and that calls for a professional contrarian to set things right! If ever there were professional contrarians, they would be us at AMG.” Grymm decides to kick the sacred cow of Norwegian black metal and stir up a hornets nest of frigid fury. Ask us for his phone number and we just may give it to you.