Our Last Night

Tariot – Drag Me to Hell Review

Tariot – Drag Me to Hell Review

“Look, I’m one of like three metalcore apologists at Angry Metal Guy HQ, and I’ve had it up to here. No more sticky noted car, printer wrapped in festive holiday paper, or the squirting flower trick, okay guys? Plus the rubber rat with “BREAKDOWNS” scrawled with Sharpie was going too far. I already get my seven daily lashes from the Most Holy Gorilla when the punishment of metalcore promos seemed insufficient. As we approach the holidays, the last thing I want to do at the office Christmas party is to open my bonus addressed to “sellout.” Don’t even fucking think about it. And Jesus, Tariot sure ain’t helping my reputation.” Apologists and collaborators up against the wall.

Everture – Emerge Review

Everture – Emerge Review

“Album length is a point of contention at AMG Headquarters. So around the office cooler one day, the illustrious Carcharodon revealed that his promo was a honkin’ two-hour commitment. I now realize that “Mine’s a nine-minute grind EP! Sucks to be you!” was the wrong thing to say. As a dear Lavagirlbitch to the Sharkboy, he used his power to punish me pick a promo for me. Please direct your hate mail to him for the awkwardly named Everture. I was immediately horrified at the phrase “modern metal” that greeted my eyes.” The Everture will continue until morale improves.