Pain

70000 Tons of Metal: One Man’s Journey

70000 Tons of Metal: One Man’s Journey

“My friends ask me what happened, but my ability to verbally communicate has been reduced to moaning and a weeping noise that sounds something like a baby panda crying for milk. I wonder how I’m going to make it through the final day of this floating festival. I wonder when the aching will subside. I wonder where my life went so wrong. How did I end up here, on the 7th annual 70000 Tons of Metal cruise, weak with exhaustion and feeling like my body has been bludgeoned with a sledgehammer? My mind drifts back…” Tales from a 70000 ton heavy thing.

Starkill – Shadow Sleep Review

Starkill – Shadow Sleep Review

“Commercialized metal is one of the strangest and most unnatural phenomena our beloved genre has gone through. I’m not talking about metal that happened to get mainstream recognition, by the way. Even Metallica, with the most lucrative metal act in history, started off as a thrash metal band like any other and only gained widespread fame after 5 albums. I’m talking about bands that seem to have been created or molded precisely to sell metal to the masses, like Amaranthe or Sonic Syndicate.” The vogue of metal.

Ewigheim – Schlaflieder Review

Ewigheim – Schlaflieder Review

“The old adage “Never judge a book by its cover” holds firm here. Long story short, I picked Germany’s Ewigheim for review from our list of promos because a certain half-man, half-gorilla who shall forever remain nameless listed them as “black metal” due to the album cover, logo, and the fact that he glanced over the German one-sheet. Hankering for some kvlt blackness of the tr00est order, I grabbed their sixth full-length, Schlaflieder, and was met with… something totally not black metal.” Mistakes were made.

Pain – Coming Home Review

Pain – Coming Home Review

“I’ve never quite got my head around open-plan office space and those waist-height cubicles. Yes, your hive of corporate activity looks wonderful photographed from seven different angles; prominently displayed on your enterprises website. Oh and let’s not forget about the collaboration! But what’s the cost? Stress-induced irritability, hostility towards creativity and productivity, anxiety and ongoing health issues. Oh wait, collaboration just flew out the window… Where am I going with this? Music. More specifically, metal. Pain have proved themselves inconsistent over the years and as with most things in life, with the good comes the bad.” Good pain, bad pain, you know we’ve had our share….

Område – Edari Review

Område – Edari Review

“There’s just something about Seldon Hunt’s artwork that draws me deep into the full concept and mood of an album. Hunt is somehow able to match auditory art with an observable one. And Område’s Edari is no different. Hunt’s work conveys a sense of beauty, confusion, and uneasiness that perfectly encapsulates a band that compares themselves to influential acts such as Manes and Ulver.” What’s with all the avant-garde metal this year? Must be due to global climate change.

Raunchy – Vices.Virtues.Visions. Review

Raunchy – Vices.Virtues.Visions. Review

“There are three things you need to know in regards to Raunchy: 1) I’ve had an unhealthy love affair with them since stumbling across Wasteland Discotheque back in 2008; 2) they have the most misleading band name ever; and 3) never say “can I get Raunchy?” when asking for their promo.” We call that a micro-aggression, and we only tolerate macro-aggressions at AMG. HR awaits!

Madam X’s Top Ten(ish) of 2014

Madam X’s Top Ten(ish) of 2014

“As 2015 makes her grand and stately entrance, bear with and support me as I try to hunt down even more new blackened death metal albums that sound exactly like Septicflesh.” Madam X has her foibles, but she also has plenty of quirks. Join her as she unveils a Top Ten(ish) list sure to bumfuzzle and befuddle.