Now that the Jørnbellion has been crushed, Angry Metal Guy can finally get around to doing what he does best: telling you what to listen to. So here’s AngryMetalGuy.com’s very first Record(s) o’ the Month for 2015 and you’ll notice that they’re even (gasp) on time! Come, take a gander, and find out why your favorite album of the month didn’t make our list.
November follows up an October that was pretty phat in terms of the number of phat ass records that dropped on our unsuspecting, and largely also phat, asses. And while 2014 has been an extremely up-and-down year for me, November has produced what I think are the year’s most consistent albums across the board. So while I can be sassy about the lateness of this post, or the ways in which Steel Druhm‘s heavy metal credibility is in constant question due to his love of Jørn, I almost feel like that downplays what an extremely good month for heavy metal November really was. So let me just get right down to it. The Record o’ the Month for November was…
“Here at Angry Metal Guy Dictatorship Services Ltd., we strive for self-parody. That’s why we continue to push the Record(s) o’ the Month further and further back. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it’s not even worth posting Record(s) o’ the Month until regular readers begin whining in the comments of reviews they don’t care about that there isn’t a Record o’ the Month post for whatever month. This is usually followed by one going up and then said persons complaining that their favorite record isn’t included, but that’s irrelevant! The point is that we live to fulfill such functions and to fight to lose all the credibility and dependability we’ve continued to build in spite of all our best efforts!” What got Record o’ the Month? Click and find out, good sir or madam!
“Record(s) o’ the Month here at Angry Metal Guy can be tricky. This is partially because I hold on to the right to dictate them with an iron fist despite being busy, and partially because… no, that’s pretty much it. I’m a busy guy, Record(s) o’ the Month take time, and I refuse to let anyone else actually do them. You might wonder why, and I’ll tell you: are you aware of how many positive reviews Jørn Lande has gotten at AngryMetalGuy.com? I assure you, this hellhole of subjectivity we call “AMG” for short is a hive of gibbering Jørn fanboys-and-girls. It’s absurd, I know! But with that in mind it should be easy to understand how difficult it is be for me to relinquish control over the sacred Record o’ the Month post. Nay, certainly doing such a thing is a greater threat to the sanctity and continued credibility of Angry Metal Guy than most anything.” Will Angry Metal Guy maintain a shred of credibility, or will the Jørn apologists win again!?
It’s that time again. Record(s) o’ the Month for August has been a most contentious process at the Angry Metal Guy offices. Fortunately, for those of us who happen to be the dictatorial owner of this website, the winner was obvious. But as I shredded the symbolic votes of my lovely, naïve staff of indentured servants, I was struck by what a good month August has been. This is the first month with two 5-star records ever on this website (I think), and that says something right there. Given that the rest of 2014 has been a tour of disappointment and dismay punctuated by a few pleasant, if sparse, surprises from bands no one’s heard of, it was nice that some established bands and rising stars releasing the records we expect of them. And while I can only choose one Record o’ the Month, we do runners-up for one reason: so that the winner knows who to direct their gloating at. However, a second reason could be because some months it’s pretty hard to choose and we want to recognize the things that we felt shone bright during the last month.
What? It’s October already!? Just in time for the Record(s) o’ the Month, July edition! Now, you may be asking yourself “but did anything come out in July?” and the answer would be: “dude, do you even metal?” Hell yes it did. And we’re not even going to fuck around, we’re just going to jump right into the joy of bringing you the July’s best metal records (that we reviewed and also liked).
I’m tired.
“Since we’re all busy people, I’ll cut to the chase. June was another big ass month for metal with a plethora of satisfying releases and one in particular that really bowled over multiple AMG staffers. Since that happens less than you might think, eyebrows were raised, fingers were pointed and notes were furiously scribbled.”
“May was a pretty righteous month for metal with many legitimate nominees for Album o’ the Month. There were at least six albums that could have taken the honor without triggering rioting in the streets and cries for reform. As responsible adults, we opted for a fair and democratic selection process (i.e. authoritarian decree from AMG and angry complaining by the underlings) and lo and behold, decisions were made!”
“Just in time for the Record(s) o’ the Month for May, we proudly present the Record(s) o’ the Month for April! And here you thought that beige background would NEVER go away! April was an interesting month in music, with a whole bunch of quality “extreme” albums dropping. Even so, there was much less staff infighting this time to determine what the big burrito was.” You say burrito, we say this is a bit late.
Oh shit! Record(s) o’ the Month for March are only running a couple weeks late. You know, when I wrote that post about how this year “might” be a bit of a rough year for music reviewing for Ye Olde Angrye Metale Guye, I wasn’t fucking wrong. It hasn’t been rough. It’s been brutal. I am up to my fucking neck in shit to do, and most of that doesn’t involve “listening to heavy metal” or “telling the Internet why it’s wrong about the new _insert band_ record.” So, be glad that I am even taking the time to deign give you my now extraordinarily expensive, state-funded time. Because, when the Swedish state isn’t paying me to produce research that helps us better understand the world, I should be drinking beer, getting laid, playing video games, or watching sports. But no, here I am writing a Record(s) o’ the Month post for AngryMetalGuy.com. Show me your thanks via Flattr, people. We need to move hosts soon.
And without further ado…
