Rob Zombie

Ministry – Moral Hygiene Review

Ministry – Moral Hygiene Review

“I had an acquaintance once that said industrial metal is ‘sex music.’ That’s one of the reasons I don’t talk to this person anymore. That and it’s difficult to communicate when you’re bricked up in a wall. But, seriously, I must be doing something wrong if I don’t get an erection to Rammstein‘s ‘Bück Dich.’ Babe, it’s not you. It’s me. The same goes for Ministry. There’s nothing about imagining Al Jourgensen gut and crucify the entire Bush family that pricks my pecker.” Good hygiene and bad manners.

Lordi – Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) Review

Lordi – Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) Review

“The rubber costumes, Halloween-themed perversions, and Rob Zombie-meets-’80s hair metal ditties aren’t on the list of ‘Things Metalheads Need.’ Yet, their Gwar-ish concepts spring up every couple of years as the Metal Monster Squad’s own songs (?) summon them via radio shows hosted by either Twisted Sister‘s Dee Snider or Rockin’ Ralph Ruiz. And they don’t seem to care if you want what they have to offer or not—even if they’ve done it some ten times in twice as many years. And, only God/Satan knows, but there’s a handful of you sick sonsabitches out there that enjoy this crap. So, this review of Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) is for you. Be ashamed of yourself.” Monster, Inc.

Ereley – Diablerie Review

Ereley – Diablerie Review

“I kind of forgot about Fear Factor for a while there. I can give no particular reason for it, they simply slipped out of my mind and slunk through the front door, down the stairs, into the street. But a band with such a unique sound was bound to return, at least in doppelganger form, burrowing back into my head. It took a minute to get my thoughts in order, but after mentally crossing out Godflesh, I knew who Ereley were pushing back into my brain. It wasn’t the pure stuff though.” Strange bedfellows.

Transport League – A Million Volt Scream Review

Transport League – A Million Volt Scream Review

“If you’re like me, you’ve probably never heard of Sweden’s Transport League. Formed way back in 1994, they knocked out four full-length discs before breaking up in 2005. During this time, TL played an in-your-face sludge style that combined the hard knocks of Clutch with the ghoulish qualities of Rob Zombie and the Southern flavors of Down and Pantera. After dabbling in the industrial world for a few years with their band M.A.N., the boys decided to give Transport League another try.” League of the unextraordinary.

The Offering – Home Review

The Offering – Home Review

“In 2017, Boston band The Offering dropped a self-titled—and killer—EP that got them noticed by Century Media. Well, it’s time to check out their debut full-length Home, so grab something olde, something nü, something growled, and something blues, because today we’ll be haunting the chapel to see if the band can successfully marry an unhealthy number of musical influences into a cohesive whole.” Holy headlock!

Lordi – Sexorcism Review

Lordi – Sexorcism Review

“The first time I heard Lordi was when everyone else did. It was 2006, they had just won Eurovision (never seen it; don’t care) and their third full-length, The Arockalypse, had hit the streets. I was driving down the 101 in Phoenix, having just purchased it on CD. It was early April, already hot as hell, and I didn’t have AC in my forest-green Geo Tracker. For my horrible mood, my sweat-soaked Yanks cap, and the t-shirt glued to the seat, I was, surprisingly, having a good time.” Lordi, Lordi.

Death Alley – Superbia Review

Death Alley – Superbia Review

“No joke: the day I found out Death Alley‘s new record was coming out, I was jamming hard to Captain Beyond and Blue Öyster Cult. It was as if my craving for some old-school rock reached across the ocean to the Netherlands. Not only did Death Alley hear my call, they answered it—with Superbia. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t much for religious interventions or anything but, my god, I almost picked up the Bible after that.” It’s bible good!

Roadburn 2017 Live Review

Roadburn 2017 Live Review

“Every year, something special takes place in my hometown of Tilburg, The Netherlands: the festival of Roadburn. Roadburn isn’t like your average festival. There’s no marquees, no fields of green devolving into mud, and no crowds the size of small towns worshiping the biggest bands. Instead, thousands of people dressed in black gather from every corner of the continent, and some from other continents, to see over 100 doom, stoner and other kinds of acts whose success lies almost entirely in the underground.” Welcome to the dope show.

Deathless Legacy – Dance with Devils Review

Deathless Legacy – Dance with Devils Review

“Despite trying to sound like Death SS via their humble beginnings as a tribute to those guys, Deathless Legacy comes across more as a soporific Halloween-themed Nightwish, but with worse vocals. There are plenty of keyboards, and the tempos don’t generally get too lively. Sadly, ‘Monster Mash’ may actually make for an apt comparison.” So much for the Transylvanian Twist.