“An album released in the year 2000, celebrating a 20th anniversary, makes yer metalhead feel rather olde. However, time and age has done naught to diminish the power and lightning in a bottle creativity marking the monumental third album from Maryland death metal legends, Dying Fetus.” 20 years of destruction.
“Welcome to my ass. We won’t be long. I’ve gathered us here today before my review of the brilliant new Afterbirth record because I didn’t want to drag you through here in the middle of it. Suffice it to say that my critique of Afterbirth’s The Time Traveler’s Dilemma has proven unassailably correct: Afterbirth should get right back on the horse, they should keep exploring their progressive tendencies, and they absolutely should record with Colin Marston. Probably no thanks to my scolding they have. Four Dimensional Flesh is a triumph, one of the most charismatic and original death metal albums you’ll ever hear.” Ass above, so below.
“In popular music, the West Coast is known for the smooth, extravagant, and maximal productions of Dr. Dre, while the East Coast is known for the grimy, gritty, and dusty productions of Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA. I prefer the latter, and when it comes to slam, travelling further East gets me the grotesquery I crave.” Slam of the rising sun.
“Karen, Plankton’s computer wife, defines ‘seaweed’ as, and I quote, ‘50% sea, 50% weed.’ I define Wormhole as ‘50% worm, 50% hole,’ where ‘worm’ represents tech-death and ‘hole’ represents slam. I rarely encounter genre-blending bands who can evenly balance the weight each constituent style bears upon their respective sounds, but Wormhole might be the first to find a perfect 50/50 distribution.” Numbers, worms and holes.
“This album will take years off your life. It is exfoliant, defoliant, supreme scourer of the Earth. You’ve heard death metal before. Maybe you’ve even heard slam. Maybe you’re a total slam fiend; even then, you’re still not prepared for this record. Maybe, just maybe, you’re familiar with Christopher Scotes’s work mapping and visualizing continental drift through time. If you are, recall that about 80 million years ago the Indian subcontinent, until this point a background character in tectonics at large, suddenly jettisons Madagascar to the West and just books it North, plowing into Asia to create the geologic equivalent of the Vulgar Display of Power cover. That’s what Obscene Majesty is like.” Landmassive.
“Torture. As essential to death metal lyrics as it is to oppressive regimes the world over, the simple desire to exact pain has spawned countless obscene and horrific technologies. Strappado take their name from one in which the hands are tied behind the back and the victim is then suspended by them. There’s a lineage of bands out there named after torture devices that – as far as I know – starts with Iron Maiden, but Strappado are pretty far down the line from these forebears musically, instead acting as a sibling to the departed but influential Brodequin.” Welcome to the rack.
“Vulvodynia’s 2016 monstrosity Psychosadistic Design joined Ingested’s Surpassing the Boundaries of Human Suffering at the top of the relatively accessible slamming deathcore pile. Upon its release, it sold a boatload of copies due to its mixture of self-aware ridiculousness and a charmingly cavalier attitude towards everything but riffs. Both records were great ‘gateway slam’ records — their production was friendly to ‘core ears and the riffs were unfairly catchy. Structurally, both took the general deathcore idea and replaced breakdowns with slams and both were a lot of fun for it. Both toed the line between excess and parody expertly, which made them easy to like and laugh along with. Three years later, Vulvodynia have returned.” Flash slam.
“The Summer of Slamcore and Other Slammy Things™ continues for this guy right here. So far, my choices from the promo bin failed to impress or rapidly soured after the initial bout of Shiny New Thing Disorder lifted. But there must be light at the end of the tunnel. As soon as I saw New Zealand’s very own modern slam juggernauts Organectomy peeking out from under all of the mediocre black metal dreck littering the place, I knew I had found that light.” Wham, bam, thank you, slam!
“Distant is a curiously subtle and vague moniker for a deathcore band with slam death leanings. Describing themselves specifically as downtempo deathcore, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean, the Netherlands outfit bring their down-tuned grooves and pig squealing brutality in typically boneheaded style with the subtlety of their chosen name certainly not translated into their musical template. That’s all good and well, yet with an increasingly stacked year of quality metal releases, does Tyrannotophia deliver to the expected standards of brutality and songcraft on their debut full-length?” Short armed.
“Well, I guess the Pope is a zombie now. Admit it, you all saw that coming. A religious leader, let alone one that wields as much influence as the head of the Catholic Church? Come on. Whatever, that’s a tangent for another time. For now, let’s talk about the second full-length album by Mental Cruelty, named Inferis.” Popecore.
