“Timōrātus is a deathcore project comprised primarily of David and Courtney Napier. They started out back in 2006 as a decidedly serious evangelical Christian band—their name means “full of reverence towards God; devout” in Latin—until just a couple years ago when they turned to parody in 2020’s My Life In a Mediocre Metal Band. This would explain why the jokes, such as they are, remain doggedly G-rated. One could call them youth pastor-y.” Spinal Pap.
“If you’re familiar with Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, The Christmas Dream by holidazzle super group The Wizards of Winter is the metal equivalent. I myself am no stranger to these cinematic fruitcakes, as Mrs. Cherd and my jolly old father-in-law take perverse pleasure in subjecting me to them every Yuletide. It’s become such a tradition that we’ve devised a game of Christmas movie trope bingo, and it’s easily adapted to this brand of metal holiday album.” Nice snow globes!
“The Rods have been kicking rocks around the metal scene’s parking lot forever. Formed in upstate New York by Dio’s first cousin, David “Rock” Feinstein, they’ve been playing a simplistic, Neanderthal version of proto-metal since 1980 with a sound that’s approximately 45% Manowar, 35% Anvil and 20% KISS. I recall always seeing their albums like Let Them Eat Metaland Heavier Than Thou in record stores as a kid, but I never bought them and none of my friends seemed to either.” Rods and sods.
“In their promo blurb, Morbosidad boast that all their lyrics are written in Spanish, a “direct descendant of the Latin tongue spoken by the crucifiers of Jesus.” That alone should tell you everything you need to know about the band. Turn the distortion to 11 and get out your crumpled Blasphemy shirts, here comes 33 minutes of bestial blackened death metal guaranteed to earfuck you into next week.” Ears are a gift and should be treated with respect.
With the third review in a week, AMG is now the unofficial home of retro thrash. Forward all complaints to SLAYER!!!
