“You know how Kurt Cobain killed Hair Metal? Of course you know; we’ve been through this already. He didn’t. Yes folks, it’s time for your second dose of hair metal in under a month! You see, while AMG has been distracted dealing with Steel Druhm’s incessant efforts to inject more Jorn onto the site by any means necessary, I’ve launched my own elaborately coiffured campaign to restyle Angry Metal Guy into the far more fabulous Hair Metal Guy.” Jorn in the U.S.A.!
“Harmony pervades Once There Was A Time When Time And Space Were One. Not in the strictly musical sense, but in its idyllic unity between typically opposed characteristics. Time and space, old and new, science and nature. Sweden’s My Brother The Wind returns on this, their third record, to peacefully entrance and impart their wholly-improvised instrumental Space Rock on the rushed and pressured masses.” God knows we all need a break from the pressures of modern life!
“It seems like many in the melodic death camp are getting the Viking bug these days and Gormathon is another example. Like many, they borrow extensively from the well established Amon Amarth formula, but use ‘80s heavy metal elements. These include soaring, high-pitched vocal ranges and classic guitar noodling that borders on power metal.” Viking metal with power metal elements? Hmmm….
“Odors – specifically bad ones – provide no end of inspiration for metal artists, so I was surprised to find that the simple name Stench hadn’t been taken some time back in the 80s when all these extreme metal shenanigans were kicking off (though I suppose this was also the time when metalheads collectively discovered adjectives, so we were treated to Pungent Stench instead). Containing two members of death metallers Tribulation, Stench released debut In Putrescence in 2010, mixing aggressive but melodic black metal with a good waft of Gardens of Grief to come up with a familiar but quite unique scent.” I love the smell of Swedish black / death in the morning. Smells like…Stench.
“As many metal fans know, Anti-Cosmic Satanism is the life blood of many black metal bands. Some use it as lyrical content and some as a life philosophy. While I’m not going to delve into the Misanthropic Luciferian Order/Temple of the Black Light, I will point out that it has sharp contrasts to not only LaVeyan Satanism but also to Christianity and Catholicism. You might be wondering, “Doc, what the fuck does this have to do with the current review?” My question to you would be, “how the fuck does a band cemented in anti-cosmic philosophy jump ship and take up Catholicism?”” Wait, who did what now? Oh boy, the fecal matter is about to hit the proverbial oscillation device.
“Wikipedia has an interesting list of artists that have taken their monikers from other bands’ song titles. I used to think this signaled a lack of creativity (Funeral for a Friend, Gamma Ray, Godsmack), but when you see that the likes of Overkill, Radiohead and The Sisters of Mercy also took this approach, you realize it’s not a reliable indicator. What to expect, then, from a sludge/doom band that names itself after an Ufomammut record? Snailking is certainly a good choice – you can probably guess the band’s genre even without knowing the name’s etymology – but do they manage to channel their nominal inspiration’s flair for creating heavy, psychedelic masterpieces that don’t require you to be stoned off your tits to enjoy?” Haha…he said “tits.”
“Every few years like clockwork, Evergrey shows up to expose their innermost turmoil, angst and self loathing and generally harsh our collective mellow with their unique brand of misanthropic dark metal. Few bands are as adept at expressing the inner doubt, depression and ennui that make the human experience such a flawed one, and for that they certainly deserve praise and respect. Whether you care to have those particular emotions rubbed raw is a personal decision, but for those who relish their scar diaries, this act always provides the ideal soundtrack for ritualized self abuse.” Are you feeling too happy? Well, Evergrey is back to put the gum in glum.
“Whenever I hear that there’s a new In Flames record, I can’t help but feel my heart sink a tad more. Anyone who was around to experience the majesty that was their first four full-lengths (as well as the Subterranean EP) knows what I’m talking about: soaring folk influenced twin-guitar melodies with beautifully heart-stopping acoustic interludes. The band had an undercurrent of heaviness that wasn’t too extreme, but was just right for their sound. They had a sense of youthful exuberance and actual purpose… Then the 2000s happened.” And it keeps happening again and again!
“In a month where Pallbearer dropped an irresistible doom monstrosity on us, an unheralded act is quietly sneaking out a release that could easily slip through the cracks and escape notice unfairly. The Order of Israfel is a project put together by Tom Sutton (Church of Misery) and Patrik Andersson Winberg (Doomdogs) and their Wisdom debut is a surprisingly addictive fusion of classic Sabbathian doom, 70s hard rock, The Obsessed and the Cathedral school of mega heavy riffs.” Hey, Pallbearer isn’t the only doom crew out there. Sheesh!
“I’m a crabby old thrash metal fanatic. No bones about it. I’ve never really been into the new wave of thrash metal like As I Lay Dying and Suicide Silence, or the retro thrash metal bands like Municipal Waste and Bonded By Blood, who prance about in their tight jeans and high top sneakers, probably because I was there in the trenches during the first wave (though I never got into the skinny jeans). When Sweden’s The Haunted first rose from the ashes of At The Gates with their self-tiled debut in ’98, I wasn’t all that big of a fan. Compared to the originators of the genre and the legacy of At The Gates, The Haunted, frankly, was a letdown.” We’ve said some mighty unflattering things about The Haunted over the years, but we might have to stop the abuse…for now.
