“…and though the word of the land was good — for blessed are they who toil as to bring glory unto Jørn — there were those that spake a word which decried all that is right and trve, and through their blasphemy bestowed they unto the land a pox which made a mockery of these things rendered unto all by our Lord’s Jørn-ness. ‘Behold!’ spake the Muppet ‘ye heathens ov Canada! Hear me, I beg! Renounce thy false idol and remove its name from thine tongues forever!'” Muppet the Revelator.
“Despite hailing from an English-speaking part of the world, Rapheumets Well and their third full-length, Enders Door, immediately triggered me with their flagrant disregard for apostrophes. It was this distress which drew my eye to these North Carolinians as I cursorily browsed the promo bin. Alarm bells immediately rang but this is much better than the ambivalence I usually enjoy while surveying upcoming releases. I had something to think about which at least gave them a foot in my active consideration.” Punctuation as predictor.
“To get the name dropping out of the way, if you’re a fan of Misery Index, Blotted Science or The Faceless then, chances are, you’ll enjoy the kind of technical death metal that Amentia are offering.” Crank the wank.
“If you’re inclined to throw your wallet around at this website’s command, prepare to empty it in March. There are about a half-dozen albums coming out that range from good to kickass — and that’s just the ones that old Kronos is reviewing.” Spend your money and respect our authoritah!
“Another year, another glut of SoCal tech death coming my way. Being the world’s sole arbiter of brutality, I have to say that I’m a bit disappointed with the more traditional technical death metal scene as of late.” Because The Arbiter is disappoint, there will be much punishment.
“A couple of years ago some noisy factions of the Angry Metal Guy readership kicked up a stink by our lack of coverage of the debut LP from promising Pennsylvanian deathsters Black Crown Initiate. Following the over-the-top acclaim for The Wreckage of Stars, a fine full-length debut loaded with potential, the boys return with the crucial and much anticipated follow-up, Selves We Cannot Forgive. Sophomore albums are often tricky propositions, especially in the wake of a well received debut.” Stop harassing us!
“I love getting debut records to review, partially because debuts are usually where bands try to bring something new to the table, and partially because it means I have a lot less contextualization to do before I write about the album. But then there are sometimes cases in which I’m actually familiar with a band prior to their release, and in this instance I have The Zenith Passage covered.” Hey Kronos, you gonna pick up all those names you just dropped?
“Archspire are, first and foremost, fast. Everything about The Lucid Collective is tight, taught and percussive, from the brutal-death-leaning snare tone to vocalist Oli Peters’ inhumanly pummeling rap-growled vocal lines.” Kronos brings you another slab of rotting death you may have missed. Have at it!
“Take a close look at this album cover and you’re bound to notice that it looks exactly like every other goddam modern death metal band’s album cover. This is no coincidence, seeing as an impressive chunk of death metal releases over the past decade have all been painted up by one man: Pär Olofsson. The guy’s website is a bizarre who’s who of modern death metal covers stripped of their identifying characteristics, so that any metalhead worth keeping around can have fun rattling off artists and titles as the paintings scroll by. Ichor are his latest patrons, and, in continuance with modern death’s gore/symmetry fetish, he felt compelled to draw them some purple tentacles for Depths.” Do Ichor’s purple tenticles wrap themselves around, and get their death-like grip on Kronos?
A really curious thing happens from time to time that I think it’s time to comment on. Because we all (that is, those of us who read and/or write AngryMetalGuy.com) love heavy metal, we all essentially draw boundaries for it. It all depends on your perspective, but largely we say that one thing is metal and another thing is not. We make fun of the things we find to be not metal and we praise (and often deify unnecessarily) that which we find to be super metal. This is not a surprise. In fact, I’d guess that it’s a natural part of the human brain: we group things and put them in their place so as to better order our world. We also use cognitive short cuts in order to reach conclusions about the vast seas of information that exist outside of our existence.
