“It’s no secret that—following a legacy now two decades old—black metal is synonymous with Scandinavia. For most, this refers to Norway and Sweden, but, depending on who you ask, this may also include Finland and Iceland. Regardless if these countries meet the rules for the “Scandinavia” tag, they have a plethora of black metal bands, with legacies all their own. And I thank that goat-headed deity for that.” Feeling Scandinavia, looking frozen tundra.
![Master’s Hammer – Formulæ [Things You Might Have Missed 2016]](https://www.angrymetalguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Masters-Hammer-Formulae.jpg)
“Well, it’s finally here. After months of harassment by many of our more aggressive commenters, my review of the newest Master’s Hammer record has arrived.” Now leave us alone, you creepers!
“By the time you read this, Halloween 2016 is long gone. Oral surgeons have deposited their paychecks earned at the expense of children unfortunate enough to chomp down on razor blades, and your cranky olde neighbor is probably marching across the street right now to ask when the hell you’re getting that damned rotting jack o’ lantern off your porch. As I’m writing, however, the night of Halloween is still young, and I have an appropriately eerie soundtrack to accompany the festivities.” The pumpkin stays right where it’s at, bub.
“The old adage “Never judge a book by its cover” holds firm here. Long story short, I picked Germany’s Ewigheim for review from our list of promos because a certain half-man, half-gorilla who shall forever remain nameless listed them as “black metal” due to the album cover, logo, and the fact that he glanced over the German one-sheet. Hankering for some kvlt blackness of the tr00est order, I grabbed their sixth full-length, Schlaflieder, and was met with… something totally not black metal.” Mistakes were made.
“It’s a blast from the past! That’s right, the Record(s) o’ the Month for June are finally here. And boy howdy, I gotta say that it was tough to get to these. There was plenty of infighting, accusations of me being a distant and cold tyrant. A psychoanalyst was called in. Then the police. Turns out that Steel Druhm may have lots of daddy issues, but he also hates talking about them and has a massive gun collection. We managed to get through this whole thing only slightly injured and now that I’m out of the hospital I’m posting this. So here you have it, Ye Olde Recordes o’ the Monthe for June.”
“Though The Vision Bleak’s newest opus, The Unknown, was late in getting to the AMG offices, no review is too late for one of my favorite bands. Since discovering them in 2006, the band’s entire discography must be spun and loved in order to become a new member of the Grier household. It is law and bound by contract. Yes, animals included.” For some the saw is the law, but with the good doctor, The Vision is the mission.
“There really is nothing like putting together an annual top-ten list. Critiquing, organizing, selecting, re-selecting, and rearranging right up to the deadline, like creating a haphazard grocery list as you suffer through a 48-hour fasting. As is the case with many of my colleagues, I pretty much had my list nailed down at the beginning of November with everything listed in an order I was 99% confident with. Well, that was until Kampfar’s Profan hit my inbox a week ago.” A plan is a list of things that aren’t going to happen.
“Since first listening to Thorns, I’ve wanted nothing more than an equally excellent follow-up to their self-titled release. Seriously, if I was granted three wishes, that would be one of them. But getting this wish granted is as unlikely as having Freddy Krueger drag me kicking and screaming up my bedroom wall and splaying me open on the ceiling.” Don’t look to Freddy for wish fulfillment.
