“I was heating up my standard n00b issue cup of mop water in the break room when I heard a commotion over at the hobo wine station. When I approached, the assembled staff writers fell silent and exchanged knowing glances with Steel Druhm. “N00b 17, how are you, my boy?” he said cheerfully. “N00b 7” I corrected, but he continued without acknowledging. “I have a special assignment for you.” He handed me a promo wrapped in red paper and smelling faintly of pine needles. My “gift” was Winter Is Here: A Holiday Rock Opera Pt. 2 (yes, part two) by power/symphonic metal band A Hero For the World. I could only stand dumbfounded as the writers launched into a drunken rendition of “Jingle Bells” and pelted me with pine cones.” Deck the n00bs.
