“Once upon a time there was a Muppet. Muppet told me of this band called Atlases, threatening me with an unforgiving death if I didn’t try out their debut full-length, Haar, which came out last year. I never did try the whole thing until now, but the selection of tracks I did sample were solid. Then, one day I noticed their name in the promo bin, and I thought to myself, “what are the odds?” So here we are, with a quick turnaround by the Finnish five-banger. Is Woe Portrait good enough to earn a recommendation from me and my ridiculously productive multitude of alter egos on this power-metal-obsessed blog?” Map of sadboi.