The Callous Daoboys – Celebrity Therapist [Things You Might Have Missed 2022]

Everybody listen: The Callous Daoboys don’t give a shit. More than ever, they do what they do and you just have to deal with it. Matthew Ryan is their drummer and they’re from Atlanta – coincidence? I know, some of are saying, “wait, doesn’t Matt Ryan play for Indianapolis?” There, you understand The Callous Daoboys. Their bonkers take on mathcore has placed them at the scene’s forefront, debut Die on Mars an instantly absurd mathcore classic. Slammin’ decadent waves of chaotic explosions, bone-crushing breakdowns, violin spasms, waltzes, 8-bit and acoustic interludes together for fuck-all knows, Celebrity Therapist is as splattering as your bowels after a joke about Taco Bell. Maaaaan, but The Callous Daoboys don’t give a shit.1

Insanity oozes from every orifice with the composure of a Vine compilation showcasing Rage comics in 2013. The septet’s sophomore effort Celebrity Therapist completely overthrows the gravity of mathcore’s elite in one fell swoop. Hell, The Callous Daoboy’s meme-worthy lineup includes a violinist, saxophonist, and keyboardist alongside your typical metalcore – it’s more than jagged riffs. Take “Title Track”, “What is Delicious? Who Swarms?” and “The Elephant Man in the Room,” which ride as smooth as your dad’s ’87 Mitsubishi Raider up the Appalachians in a lightning storm, jerky riffs and decadent dissonance exchanging jazzy passages and punchy basslines. Rife with sultry cleans, courtesy of vocalist Carson Pace and keyboardist Abby Sherman, give way to Dillinger-inspired freak-outs and desperate fries. On the topic of fries, the Daoboys revel in their signature “Taco Bell run at 2:30 AM for munchies but you only had too much crack to ‘study for finals’ but it’s just a paper you did last-minute but why the fuck not we’re already here” aesthetic to perfection. You say you don’t get it, but I know you do.

All Iwrestledabearonce-esque shenanigans aside, The Callous Daoboys are cutthroat. Intriguing misdirects in their own ways, “A Brief Article Regarding Time Loops” and “Field Sobriety Practice” are the most “violin’t” the act has been in years, weaponizing bassist Jackie Buckalew’s ferocious roars atop bone-crushing breakdowns, balancing out and bolstering the mathcore bitch-slaps with metalcore crunch. Keen spin-kicks of smooth cleans, bonkers brutality, wonky experimentation, and the act’s lack of seriousness offer an infectiousness rarely heard in mathcore. Making Die on Mars but worse, wild one-liners are more outlandish, brutality is more brutish, and experimentation is weirder. And as always, the usage of members is as unpredictable as its music. Not every passage lands, but The Callous Daoboys don’t give a shit.

This is all proof to listen to Celebrity Therapist with a grain of salt: The Callous Daoboys don’t give a shit about mathcore, but they exemplify the uncomfortable screeeeeee to a T. Oxymoronic passages aplenty, the chaos is surprisingly well-balanced. Not only blasting your face off with meme-worthy queercore insanity, melody makes a lovely appearance before ducking into a porta potty for the shit of the century. Yammering along with start-stop wonkiness, refreshing lack of seriousness makes it monumental. Rambunctious, squirrely, and borderline unlistenable, it’s Matt Ryan playing for the Falcons even if eggball feels like geezer fodder for downing prune juice and whiskey in their Colombian blend coffee that’s still Folgers for some reason… enjoy, you elitist fuck. Only remember: The Callous Daoboys don’t give a shit. Mo’ money. Only problems.

Tracks to Hate Maybe But I Hope Not: ”Title Track,” “A Brief Article Regarding Time Loops,” and “The Elephant Man in the Room”


Show 1 footnote

  1. It’s yours. Deal with it.
« »