You know, Kronos and Grymm, Madam X and Doc Fisting

Grier and Trve Steel, Kikuras and Roquentin,

But do you recall

The most famous reviewer of all….

AMG the corpse-painted blogger

Had a very drab looking site

And if you ever saw it, you would even say it’s blight

All of the well-funded metal blogs

Used to laugh and call him names

They never let poor AMG, join in all their overrating games

Then one Jorny Christmas Eve

readers came to say

AMG with your blog so plain

won’t you ease our subjective rating pains?”

Then all the inter-webz loved him

As they unicorned with glee

AMG the hard-scoring miser

You’ll go down in history


From the AMG family to yours, have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah and a wonderful New Year!

Editor’s Note: For extra Christmas cheer, click this link.

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  • Monsterth Goatom

    Thanks for the link;
    Now my Christmas is complete.

    Happy holidays to you as well. Thanks for spreading so much musical joy throughout the year.

  • JWG79

    I, for one, am currently imagining it all came down to a choice between this or ‘Have Yourself an Angry Little Christmas’.

    If so, I’m not sure the right decision was made.

    (I kid really, but don’t yet quit your Day Jobs Jorns)

  • Reese Burns

    Who says poetry is dead?

  • M Rizal

    Can u guys review DunkelNacht EP Ritualz of the Occult

    • GardensTale

      EP’s are generally skipped. Exceptions excepted. Plus if they don’t send us a promo, we don’t review it period.

  • André Snyde Lopes

    Have a healthy Christmas everyone. *sneezes away*

  • Eli Valcik

    Thanks guys

  • Dethjesta

    Food prep and service is complete and the little ones are quietly playing upstairs. Peace and quiet at last. Until I put on the new Khemmis LP in a few mins. Thanks Santa.

  • VikingSchism

    Merry metal-y Christmas to everyone, I got a new guitar; time to subject everyone in the house to some good music

    • Reese Burns

      I got a signed Wilderun CD(!!) so I’m thinking I oughta do the same.

      • VikingSchism

        Nice, I’m still hoping for a late Christmas gift of Sleep at the Edge of the Earth from one of my friends who said they’d get me something off my Bandcamp wishlist

        • Reese Burns

          Hopefully you get it, that album’s something special.

        • [not a Dr]

          Trim down your wishlist… you can add back the rest after xmas.

  • Pimpolho

    Angry Christmas, everyone! I hope Krampus gives you all wonderful gifts!

  • Carlos Marrickvillian

    Jorn to the world!
    I bet AMG will print this out and stick it on his dungeon wall.

    • You wot m8?

      He’s gonna put it on the refrigerator and give it a gold star for the day…

  • AlphaBetaFoxface

    “The hard-scoring miser”
    Let’s see that end-of-year list and then we’ll talk, Captin Sabaton AOTY 2012.

  • CyberJesus

    Merry Christmas everyone! :D

  • SegaGenitals

    I jammed Type O Negative’s Red Water: Christmas Mourning today for appalled family guests. Then, Pat Boone’s In a Metal Mood. Groovy.

  • The Unicorn

    Merry Christmas AMG and da boyz. Thank you for your awesome reviews, witty charm and killer candycane Unicorn brethren. A healthy, happy and very Metal 2017 to you all!