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Frostbite Orckings – The Orcish Eclipse Review

Frostbite Orckings – The Orcish Eclipse Review

Frostbite Orckings may have claim to the most interesting premise in metal, at least in 2023. Based on recordings from hired session musicians, the project is a work of purely AI-generated power metal. The Orcish Eclipse is the project’s debut full-length release, and heralds itself as “the world’s first AI-generated heavy metal album.”” Orc in the machine.

Megaton Leviathan – Magick Helmet Review

Megaton Leviathan – Magick Helmet Review

“Look, I love drone. I love getting lost in the swaths of noise and soundscapes that pervade its classics, as albums like Earth’s Earth 2, Sunn O)))’s Black One, and BorisFlood offer otherworldly and mammoth wilderness to explore. Riffs don’t offer adrenaline, but mountains instead, while vocals and percussion, if there are any, are the last semblance of humanity amid the utter saturation of sound. Its utter overwhelm of sound makes it controversial, its void of relatability offers little reprieve, and its slow depiction of devastation is hypnotic. All that to say, while I was maybe hoping for the next Holy Fawn with Megaton Leviathan’s talk of shoegaze, drone, and doom, I don’t know what the fuck to make of Magick Helmet.” All noise, no sword.

Silent Tiger – Twist of Fate Review

Silent Tiger – Twist of Fate Review

“As we’ve established, Silent Tiger are a band that excels at album cover artwork. Their 2020 debut, Ready for Attack, saw their feline mascot stealthily emerging from the chilled, blue haze of a Bob Ross painting. Not to rest on the laurels of that bar-setting accomplishment, Silent Tiger crushed all other comers with the artwork to Twist of Fate.” Crouching tiger, hidden schmaltz.

Of Virtue – Omen Review

Of Virtue – Omen Review

“If I’m being brutally honest, I follow Michigan collective Of Virtue in the vain hopes they reclaim their former glory, and to express my disappointment whenever they fail to reach that. I get that it’s not fair to have low expectations, but as the saying goes, how the mighty have fallen. While they used to be aligned with a progressive edge and heart-wrenching melodic hardcore foundation not unlike Misery Signals or Counterparts, 2019’s What Defines You featured a sound that can only be defined by its devolution. What can we expect from Omen? Realistic expectations are a virtue.

A Cherdmas Carol: Brojob – A Very Deathcore Christmas, Archeopteryx – A Very Blackened Christmas, and One Hell of a Christmas – Horrific Holiday Music for the Jaded Masses, Vol 1 Reviews

A Cherdmas Carol: Brojob – A Very Deathcore Christmas, Archeopteryx – A Very Blackened Christmas, and One Hell of a Christmas – Horrific Holiday Music for the Jaded Masses, Vol 1 Reviews

“That night in my bedchambers, I had just changed into my dressing gown and settled before the fireplace when a song began playing, faintly, but growing louder until, alarmed, I recognized it as “The Hammer” by Skelator. “How?!” I cried. “Such drivel in my house?!” Just then, a ghostly apparition burst into the room and strut about like a pro wrestler winding up the crowd. I shuddered, for I knew its face.” Right in the Dickens!

Bad Baron – Ace of Hearts Review

Bad Baron – Ace of Hearts Review

Bad Baron pay tribute to the B and C list artists who littered 80s movie soundtracks with vapid rock anthems and forgettable saccharine power ballads. It was a strange and wonderous time for those of us who lived through it. While artists like Peter Cetera, Phil Collins and Kenny Loggins found renewed popularity on the silver screen, countless unknown artists tested their metal on the soundtracks to the endless VHS atrocities that littered the local mini mart’s back corner. What attracted Finnish masochists Bad Baron to the bottom of the barrel in one of music’s most terrible eras? Who knows?” Baron of the 80s Wastelands.

Ceremonial Worship – Seven Gateways to Eternal Misanthropy Review

Ceremonial Worship – Seven Gateways to Eternal Misanthropy Review

“If you’ve ever seen a deep, thick pool of tar, that’s how the AMG Promo Pit looks. It gets its color and density from the sheer volume of black metal releases we get every week. I can stand upright in it and become completely submerged in it. But, when all the asshole writers take the good shit, you’re left sticking your hand in the goo. With everything being one-person black metal outfits, there’s no point in picking and choosing once you’re neck-deep in the muck. Get in, grab a promo, and get out before the stuff melts the skin off your bones. When I emerged from the goop, and Holdy used Kenneth to sponge me off, I looked at my prize. Ceremonial Worship, from Greece. Huh… OK, I like Rotting Christ. ‘This might be worth it,’ I say as I look at my sizzling skin.” Cermony of opposition.

Timōrātus – My Life In a Made Metal Band Review

Timōrātus – My Life In a Made Metal Band Review

Timōrātus is a deathcore project comprised primarily of David and Courtney Napier. They started out back in 2006 as a decidedly serious evangelical Christian band—their name means “full of reverence towards God; devout” in Latin—until just a couple years ago when they turned to parody in 2020’s My Life In a Mediocre Metal Band. This would explain why the jokes, such as they are, remain doggedly G-rated. One could call them youth pastor-y.” Spinal Pap.