Cherd

Sludge is the word.
Inter Arma – New Heaven Review

Inter Arma – New Heaven Review

By Cherd on April 26, 2024 in Reviews, Death Metal, Progressive Metal, Sludge, 87 comments

“It’s been almost exactly five years since Inter Arma’s last full-length, not counting their album of cover songs, Garbers Days Revisited. Not that the vicious take on Neil Young’s “Southern Man” wasn’t a welcome addition to their catalogue, but after the gut-churning aural ruination that was 2019’s Sulfur English, you could hardly blame fans for hoping the band would follow it up in short order. A global pandemic and personnel turmoil intervened, so here we are in 2024 just getting our ears around the band’s fifth LP, New Heaven.” Large things arrive late.

My Dying Bride – A Mortal Binding Review

My Dying Bride – A Mortal Binding Review

By Cherd on April 18, 2024 in Reviews, Death Doom, Doom Metal, Gothic Metal, 62 comments

“I’ve been listening to My Dying Bride’s entire discography, including this new one, nonstop for a good two weeks straight. It’s begun to affect my daily life. A couple nights ago, after putting the Cherdlet to bed, my wife asked me what I’d like to do with the rest of our evening and without thinking I said, “Drink deep of your neck chalice.” While she was still quietly processing this, I complimented her on the whiteness of her breasts. She decided she wanted to watch “one of her shows” instead and bid me good night.” Gothic suave is tricky.

Funeral Leech – The Illusion of Time Review

Funeral Leech – The Illusion of Time Review

By Cherd on April 4, 2024 in Reviews, Death Metal, Doom Metal, 16 comments

“If I had a dollar for every time I blindly picked some doom-tinged death metal from the Promo Wheel of Suffering and walked away with almost straight Incantation worship, I’d have…(math sounds)…OK, I’d only have enough for a donut and coffee from the Speedway up the street, but that’s a lot when you rarely review death metal. With the arrival of The Illusion of Time by New York’s Funeral Leech, I now have enough to play a scratch-off ticket while I drink my coffee.” Muck leeches and Incantation preaches.

Mastiff – Deprecipice Review

Mastiff – Deprecipice Review

By Cherd on March 21, 2024 in Reviews, Grind, Hardcore, Sludge, 17 comments

“No one plays sludgy hardcore grind quite like the UK’s Mastiff. Not that many people play sludgy hardcore grind to begin with, but if they’re out there, they don’t play it like these Kingstun upon Hull lads. True to their canid namesake, which, if you saw them casually out for walkies in your neighborhood, would illicit a “Jesus Christ, that’s a big dog” exclamation, Mastiff shock with the weight and size of their sound.” Toothsome and clawsame.

Drain Down – Toxic Society Review

Drain Down – Toxic Society Review

By Cherd on March 11, 2024 in Reviews, Hardcore, Thrash Metal, 7 comments

“Toxic Society, the sophomore full-length from German hardcore/thrash band Drain Down, turns out to be everything I stupidly asked for. Am I angry and aimless enough to pick up what these Teutonic terrors are throwing down? Are you? Join me in the pit for some enthusiastic arm-flailing and high-minded discussion.” Mistakes were made.

Eternal Storm – A Giant Bound to Fall Review

Eternal Storm – A Giant Bound to Fall Review

By Cherd on February 16, 2024 in Reviews, Death Metal, Melodic Death Metal, 136 comments

“I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: unless you make funeral doom, you probably don’t have a great reason for making a 70+ minute metal album. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, like the Spectral Lore/Mare Cognitum double album a few years back. That one worked because A) the material, against the odds, kicked ass throughout, and B) the concept was to write an album about the whole goddamn solar system. It was cosmic in scale, literally. But for every Wanderers: Astrology of the Nine, there are 10 more Esoctrilihum records that I will never listen to, at this point on principle. In completely unrelated news, Spanish melodeath-ers Eternal Storm grace us this week with their highly anticipated second album, A Giant Bound to Fall. Thankfully, they keep their album length to a reasonable (checks notes)…oh dear.” Giant-sized Storm front.

Presenting Mrs. Ramsbottom’s Second Grade Class Christmas Recital, Starring Tarja, as Described by Liam Collins, Age Seven

Presenting Mrs. Ramsbottom’s Second Grade Class Christmas Recital, Starring Tarja, as Described by Liam Collins, Age Seven

By Cherd on December 18, 2023 in Reviews, Symphonic Metal, 120 comments

“Hi, I’m Liam. I’m backstage right now because we’re doing a Christmas recital tonight. Everyone in my class is in it except for the Horowitz twins. Ezra and Esther don’t have to for some reason. Our music teacher Mrs. Ramsbottom was supposed to be here too but one of her organs blew up and she had to go to the hospital. It’s called an appendix and I’ve got one inside me too but my Mom says mine is ok and probably won’t blow up. Mrs. Ramsbottom was going to play the piano and we were going to sing but when she got sick we got a substitute teacher. Her name is Miss Tarja.” A night at the school opera.

Convocation – No Dawn for the Caliginous Night Review

Convocation – No Dawn for the Caliginous Night Review

By Cherd on November 30, 2023 in Reviews, Death Doom, Death Metal, Doom Metal, Funeral Doom, 91 comments

“In the wretched realms of death metal, Finland’s Lauri Laaksonen is a known commodity. After a five-year stint in Sear, LL, as he’s credited on most liner notes, founded the beastly Desolate Shrine in 2010. We here at AMG have for the most part fawned in a most undignified manner over that project’s output. On the strength of that discography alone, LL could hold his head high among his most celebrated death metal contemporaries. But his impact on the genre doesn’t end there. Since 2018, LL has released some of the very finest slabs of demoralizing deathly doom in recent memory through his band Convocation.” Dark days in Finland.