Reviews

Pathfinders – Ares Vallis Review

Pathfinders – Ares Vallis Review

Pathfinders’ sound is a robotic casing of groove metal which houses a metalcore rover that it uses to explore expansive concepts of the infinite. The metalcore tag can be a poisonous one in these parts, so let’s be clear straight off the bat: Pathfinders is more Killswitch Engage and less Zao. More djent and less prog. This is your high-school chewing-gum metalcore, back when Linkin Park seemed edgy. This will be deal-breaker for some, and if you are one of those folks who can’t stand the sound, I bid you farewell and Godspeed as you take the escape pod on your journey to the next review.” Explore-core.

Syning – Syning Review

Syning – Syning Review

“I’m not entirely sure what’s happening on this cover, but it can’t be good. Making rounds at the office to gather insight on these mummified shenanigans, Cherd suggests the vaccination line at CVS. Felagund shakes his n00by tail-feathers with a bright-eyed look and suggests it’s the DMV waiting room. Still utterly confused, I slapped this down on Steel‘s desk with a big ol’ “the fuck is this” and he chuckles nostalgically and a gleam enters his eye. “The n00b gauntlet,” he mumbles.” Syning in blood.

Motorjesus – Hellbreaker Review

Motorjesus – Hellbreaker Review

“Windshield time also gives me the chance to re-explore my favorite albums. I rarely listen to new promos on the road. This time is dedicated to albums from the Road Gods. Give me something bluesy, something rocking, something upbeat, something I can blare with windows down and my foot inching closer to the floor. Give me something I can scream at the top of my lungs and shift gears to. The simpler, the better. The groovier, the sweeter.” Jesus repossessed your hot rod.

Wolfchant – Omega : Bestia Review

Wolfchant – Omega : Bestia Review

“I love when the genre is accidentally and maliciously mislabeled by an album’s promo package. It always leads to delightfully gruesome surprises and oh so satisfying pleas and groveling by shocked and dismayed reviewers once the true nature of the promo revels itself. It’s especially amusing since the sadistic AMG management rarely lets reviewers back out once a promo is drawn from the murk and claimed. Karma is a bitch though, and what goes around comes around, and this time it was your friendly neighborhood Steel who got hoisted by his own petard ov judgment when selecting Wolfchant.” Beastly besties.

Alexander – I Review

Alexander – I Review

“Every now and again, even I stumble across an album that I struggle to overwrite and, in this case, that is because a terrible mistake was made. I picked up I, the debt by Canadian-German duo Alexander after spotting it, alone and unattended in the promo sump, sporting a funeral doom tag. Only it didn’t say funeral doom, it said funeral drone, something I realized only after the No Takesie Backsie policy had kicked in.” Strong policies, harsh consequences.

Horndal – Lake Drinker Review

Horndal – Lake Drinker Review

“Art always has a theme, even if that theme is not having a theme. Consciously or unconsciously, the theme informs the art, and never the twain shall be separated. But sometimes the thematic elements of a piece of art transcend their medium, taking on a life all their own and looming so large that it can be difficult for a critic to properly evaluate the piece. I’ve found this to be the case with Swedish band Horndal. Named for the small industrial town where some of its members were born and raised, Horndal is the sound of a town lamenting its own demise. Their debut album Remains told the story of the closing of the local steel mill and of the devastating and dehumanizing aftermath for the citizens of Horndal, and sophomore record Lake Drinker tackles the struggles created when tech monstrosity Google purchased huge tracts of land near the town in order to build massive server facilities.” Home is where the hurt is.

The Lion’s Daughter – Skin Show Review

The Lion’s Daughter – Skin Show Review

“Do you all miss Mark Z? I do, too. The poor bastard is eyeball deep in educational files and folders and here I am, cosplaying him in a misguided attempt to bring forth some of his essence. Two previous The Lion’s Daughter albums our dear slutgöatwitchvomitfuckerlörd reviewed, each scraping together very respectable scores and candid praise, but the burden now befalls me to continue the Big Z’s legacy concerning the St. Louis weirdos, a burden I declared to shoulder enthusiastically. Yet the promo for Skin Show gave pause.” Skinned to win?

Nad Sylvan – Spiritus Mundi Review

Nad Sylvan – Spiritus Mundi Review

“To be frank, my expectations were not high going into listening to Spiritus Mundi. As a Nad Sylvan noob, a quick glance at Sylvan‘s promo shots and the choice of album cover had me performing the dreadful sin of judging an album by its cover. The deeper I made it into Spiritus Mundi, however, the less I questioned the numerous times El Cuervo has sung praises of Sylvan‘s progressive rock in each of the ‘Vampire Trilogy’ albums. I unabashedly admit that Nad Sylvan knows how to write a charming album.” Nad spirits.