1.5

Idiot Robot – Anti Pop Culture Review

Idiot Robot – Anti Pop Culture Review

“Perusing the promo sump, I stumbled across Idiot Robot, intrigued by the grunge tag they were saddled with. Being an avid fan of the ’80’s/’90’s grunge scene, Seattle rock movement and ’90’s alt-rock in general, I’m a sucker for this shit. Hell, even 2023’s Somnuri album, which kicked endless arse, sealed my love with its earwormy grunge hooks and melodies. Under closer investigation, I realized our resident spongey friend Kenstrosity reviewed the Floridian duo’s self-titled debut album in 2020, where despite endearing elements of nostalgia, the end result was something akin to a dumpster fire. Nearly four years have passed, and everyone has room for improvement, right?” Robot problems.

Far Beyond – The End of My Road Review

Far Beyond – The End of My Road Review

“In 2016, Far Beyond’s A Frozen Flame of Ice felt like a big deal. The sophomore outing of one Eugen Dodenhoeft saw his budding solo project, having originated as rough-hewn symphonic black metal, blossom into massively ambitious melodeath with a pioneering work of post-debut Wintersun knock-offery. It’s a somewhat clunky effort, but a lively and lovable one, and one whose charms have prompted several return visits over the last decade. While impressive and novel for its time, many a band has since come knocking at the sauna door.” Road closure.

Secret Rule – Uninverse Review

Secret Rule – Uninverse Review

“Well folks, it’s been a good run. This is without a doubt the longest I have gone without landing myself an awful corset-core album. I cherry-picked from the promo bin a little more, I got lucky with a few random rolls. But the dice always turn against you sometime, as any D&D player will attest. I knew I was in trouble when I saw the genre and the worst band name since Significant Point. Then I saw the cover and my fears were confirmed because LOOK AT IT! Gaze upon this absolute debacle and weep for laughter.” Fear and secret rulers.

Neurectomy – Overwrought Review

Neurectomy – Overwrought Review

“I just couldn’t turn down an album by a band called Neurectomy. I’ve heard of a lot of medical procedures in my day, but I wasn’t as familiar with the process by which a nerve is severed or removed to reduce pain, never to grow back again. With a new “ectomy” added to my growing surgical lexicon, I was still apprehensive. But while tech death can certainly be hit or miss (with the misses often being tedious, forgettable affairs), I was far too interested in the band name and the album art to let something as silly as past experience impact my decision-making.” Nerves of steel.

Inver – On This Earth Review

Inver – On This Earth Review

Inver is another unknown and unsigned yet unusual gothic metal band. Inver has no releases, no demos, and barely an online presence to speak of. I can’t even confirm the country of origin with certainty, though British or Irish seem the most likely petri dishes.” Unidentified sadbois.

Tariot – Drag Me to Hell Review

Tariot – Drag Me to Hell Review

“Look, I’m one of like three metalcore apologists at Angry Metal Guy HQ, and I’ve had it up to here. No more sticky noted car, printer wrapped in festive holiday paper, or the squirting flower trick, okay guys? Plus the rubber rat with “BREAKDOWNS” scrawled with Sharpie was going too far. I already get my seven daily lashes from the Most Holy Gorilla when the punishment of metalcore promos seemed insufficient. As we approach the holidays, the last thing I want to do at the office Christmas party is to open my bonus addressed to “sellout.” Don’t even fucking think about it. And Jesus, Tariot sure ain’t helping my reputation.” Apologists and collaborators up against the wall.

Skiltron – Bruadarach Review

Skiltron – Bruadarach Review

“In my years not reviewing albums, I’ve learned execution trumps everything. No pet project, no kitsch, no absurdist or ill-advised concept is doomed from the start. Well, ain’t that aces for Skiltron, the premiere bagpipe-powered Celtic folk metal band originally from Buenos Aires (maybe!).” Laying pipe all day long.

Cardinals Folly – Live by the Sword Review

Cardinals Folly – Live by the Sword Review

“What a gloomy place Finland must be to produce so much doom metal. While you’ve likely encountered the doom giants Lord Vicar, Spiritus Mortis, or Reverend Bizarre in your travels, it is within the murky depths of the Finnish doom underground that you might stumble upon Helsinki-based Cardinals Folly. The band’s press loves to point out their status as an underground band, which feels strange.” Doom for improvement.

Myrkur – Spine Review

Myrkur – Spine Review

Myrkur apologists and her detractors both have a point. Her 2015 debut M succeeded as folky black metal, but aped predecessors like Ulver’s Bergtatt (1995). Two years later, Mareridt established a unique voice for Myrkur, but suffered from inconsistency. 2020’s Folkesange abandoned metal in favor of acoustic folk. A resounding success and an easy 4.5, Folkesange thrived on Amalie Bruun’s vocal melodies and her knack for arrangement. Its highly anticipated successor Spine resurrects Myrkur’s black metal roots amidst dreamy pop and mid-paced rock.” Crouching pop star, Myrkuring dragon.