GardensTale

Will be destroying crappy nu-metal and praising crappy prog until the sky dies.
postcards from new zealand – Nin-an-ak Review

postcards from new zealand – Nin-an-ak Review

“What does New Zealand have to do with Ancient Sumeria? Not a damn thing, but then again, the Brits didn’t play much of a role in the conquests of Alexander the Great and no one batted an eye when Maiden wrote a track about him. So the subject of choice for Nin-an-ak, an ancient Sumerian goddess of kink and war, doesn’t require much justification. Not as much as the name postcards from new zealand, anyway, nor their preference for not using capitals. And definitely not as much as the genre this promo came tagged with: post-sumerian-chamber-death-prog-core.” Dead tongues, dead letters.

Trick or Treat – Creepy Symphonies Review

Trick or Treat – Creepy Symphonies Review

“Even though I have pigeonholed myself as the album art guy around here, when I’m selecting promos, I actually don’t often select an album based on the art. I usually go by one of three methods: completely blind (either random or letting a colleague select), selecting straight from the list (where the only information I have is artist, title, genre and label), or cherry picking (where I listen to singles until I find something I think I’ll like). Trick or Treat is an exception, because just look at this goofy-ass cartoon cover! Either this will be stupid enough to work, like Nanowar of Steel, or it’ll be too stupid to work, like most power metal. So which one is it?” Symphonies of slickness.

GGGOLDDD – This Shame Should Not Be Mine Review

GGGOLDDD – This Shame Should Not Be Mine Review

GGGOLDDD is a band with a message. That sentence alone is enough to put Many People on edge. Because Many People are of the opinion that your sole duty as a band is to play music, not to confront us with stuff like political statements or uncomfortable truths. Many People say that music is supposed to be an escape and the only emotions an artist is allowed to make you feel are happy ones. Many People speak utter horseshit. Many People speak this horseshit because listening to a band with a message makes them uncomfortable, even when the message is as plain as “don’t fucking rape people.”” Words to live by.

Desert Clouds – Planexit Review

Desert Clouds – Planexit Review

“When Britain left the European Union, nearly every country in the Union had a populist party or two stand up and shout: “Now it’s our turn!” Variations on the name Brexit were the hippest hashtags for a fortnight, including Nexit for the Netherlands, the unwieldy Italexit for Italy, and the strangely upbeat Fixit for Finland. With a wry smile and knowing wink, London-based quartet Desert Clouds decided to base these political kerfuffles in a more cosmic scenario. What kind of union is the titular planet exiting though? And who would be the equivalent of Boris Johnson in this allegory?” Space erase.

Fall of Stasis – The Chronophagist Review

Fall of Stasis – The Chronophagist Review

“Extreme music and cheer have an uneasy relationship. Power metal is generally expected to be upbeat and not take itself too seriously, but when the growls and screams enter the building, such attitudes are wont to leap out the window. Death and black metal are serious business, dammit! Except when they’re not, and examples abound of bands that embrace both the dark and the light. At first glance, Fall of Stasis seem to be the serious sort. A faux Old English logo, a grim apocalyptic cover, and a title that literally means ‘the time eater.’ But is it all as dark as it seems?” Goro-core.

The Neptune Power Federation – Le Demon De L’amour Review

The Neptune Power Federation – Le Demon De L’amour Review

“Love songs are not metal’s forte. The last album I reviewed, as far as I can remember, that devoted significant attention to the subject was Hemina‘s Venus, near the start of my tenure. That makes Le Demon De L’amour the first in over half a decade. If I hadn’t already been familiar with The Neptune Power Federation, I might’ve been skeptical. But Memoirs of a Rat Queen was the highest 3.5 I ever gave. I still wonder whether it should have been a 4.0, and a big reason for that was the album’s pinnacle love song, “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You.” So if anyone could ‘reclaim the love song,’ as the band proclaims, it’d be these eclectic Aussie rockers.” Demon love in the deep blue sea.

Tersivel – To the Orphic Void Review

Tersivel – To the Orphic Void Review

“Few bands in metal have the combination of popularity and totally idiosyncratic sound that Gojira enjoys. The first time I saw the band perform, it was still playing support for Fear Factory; nowadays that’s hard to imagine, and would most likely be the other way around. On top of that, its style is instantly recognizable; mechanistic, multi-stage, palm-muted riffs full of syncopation and odd time signatures combined with complex drum fills and patterns. It’s so readily familiar, in fact, that the band have begun to sound like a flanderized version of itself, and any band taking inspiration from the Frenchies is bound to run into copycat accusations. That didn’t stop Tersivel from trying anyway.” Ape the best, ignore the rest.

Seremonia – Neonlusifer Review

Seremonia – Neonlusifer Review

“If I have to attach a motto to Seremonia’s style, it would be ‘no school like old school.’ Old school here means raw psychedelic rock straight from the 70’s, its DNA profile demonstrating a direct descendancy from Hawkwind. There are two sides to this particular coin. One’s the rollicking hard rock with which the album bursts from its stable, where the deliberate lack of polish is particularly noticeable in the static-laden crunch and fuzz of the rambling riffs. The other is slow and experimental psych jam.” Jam the fuzz.