In a shocking development, members of several Scandinavian and Eastern European black metal bands converged on San Francisco this weekend to disrupt a planned demonstration by left-wing activist group Antifa.
Forming an intimidating shield wall, the heavily armored collective hurled profanities, animal skulls and what appeared to be pig intestines at the protesters. The blackened horde was quickly able to drive the startled Antifa members off the streets, forcing them to cancel their protest of whatever free speech didn’t align with their ill-defined values.
Acting as the spokesmen for the invading European rabble, Hoest, frontman for the band Taake, explained why the group initiated a confrontation with the American social justice warriors.
“Protest our shows? We’ll swear a grand declaration of war against your little crybaby conventions.” Hoest promised before elaborating further. “Look, we just want to play nihilistic black metal and worship Satan, and possibly Wotan. We don’t need halfwits like this defaming us as Nazis, National Imperialists, Imperial Supremacists, or whatever they’re calling us. We’re no fucking choirboys, obviously, but corpsepaint and a fierce hatred of life itself know no race or color. Leave us out of your pathetic PC whining and let us do our evil thing in miserable peace, or we’ll make sure you all do way more than just gaze into the abyss. Praise Mollusca!”
Antifa could not be reached for comment.