“Today, we welcome Finnish symphonic death metal troupe Ephemerald, sporting a name that rolls of the tongue nicely while still eliciting a cringe from those who utter it. This unfortunate portmanteau combining ‘ephemeral’ with ’emerald’ makes very little sense on the surface. Diving deeper, however, I conjure a number of entertaining scenarios in which it could be apt. For example, if we assume Ephemerald’s mission statement to be to smash emeralds into oblivion with the sheer magnitude of their steel—and if we then assume that they are successful in such endeavors—perhaps the presumed short-lived existence of said emeralds would justify the band’s name. But of course, that entire machination is as nonsensical as the name itself, is it not?” Stoned.
