Beloved metal bloggers Angry Metal Guy (A.K.A. AMG) and Steel Druhm (A.K.A. Steely D.) were arrested unexpectedly last night by Interpol agents in a joint operation executed in Sweden and New York. The arrests are connected to an ongoing missing person investigation involving one Happy Metal Guy, a sometimes writer for the AMG website who vanished several years ago under suspicious and troubling circumstances.

In early 2016, police responded to extreme noise terror complaints and found Mr. Happy‘s apartment ransacked, a White Wizzard album nailed to the wall with a bloody knife and the cryptic “No more 5.0s!” smeared on the wall in a substance identified as either blood or barbecue sauce.

News of the arrests come as a shock to many in the metal community, though questions circulated for years as to what became of the one-time contributor and site gadfly.

Reached for comment in a detention center in Sweden, AMG pled his innocence, explaining that the authorities had no objective proof of his involvement, only subjective opinion. He also added that when it comes to harsh police interrogation techniques, less is more.

Upon learning that authorities recovered a sizable amount of back hair from the crime scene, Steel Druhm appeared open to cooperating, telling one detective “I’ll sing like a canary on everyone I’ve known since Kindergarten.” Reliable sources indicate he’s been pointing fingers at most of the AMG staff while detailing their various motives, foibles and chronic overrating issues.

How these stunning developments will impact the day to day operations of angrymetalguy.com is unknown, but they are likely to delay release of the March Record(s) o’ the Month. Stay tuned for developments as details become available.

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  • WhamBamSam

    Steel must be guilty if he’s snitching without even trying to claim the allegations are vntrve.

  • This is… troubling.

    • ashcindersmoke

      Does thing you take over? Angry Metal Madam?

      • Grymm

        Better her than me.

        “AnGrymm Metal Cat” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

        • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

          A Grymm Metal Cat, then?

      • Prepare for all black metal, all the time!

    • TheBrick

      Yes. It will be quite a shame, staff not getting paid money round these parts. Unwanted copies of St. Anger should suffice.

  • Drew Music

    I’m not fooled.
    Happy Metal Guy IS Angry Metal Guy. This much I’ve confirmed to be 100% irrefutable fact since 1999.
    Investigation into possible/likely Illuminati status is still ongoing.

    • [not a Dr]

      Can you go to jail for murdering one of your alternate personalities?

      • Drew Music

        I don’t see why one would without telling on themselves.

        • TheBrick

          I dunno, if you murdered one of your alternate personalities, that seems like it would be a form of suicide.

          • Drew Music

            You’re over thinking it, the other me’s hate it when we over think things.

          • Drew Music

            Follow up: who’s gonna dime you out? You?

          • [not a Dr]

            Steel Druhm, apparently.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      Come on! What’s next, are you’re going to tell me that Santa Claus are my parents?

      • Drew Music

        So someone’s been eavesdropping. I didn’t want you to find out like this, buuuuut…

    • Eryops

      It’s true. It’s DAMN true.

  • AngryMetalBird

    This could also explain that weird smell from that locked room in the basement office…

    • Westpaceagle

      Never mention the room

    • Hulksteraus

      Nahh, that’s just the next batch of interns going through the new hire induction process.

      • AngryMetalBird

        Oh that was that psychosadistic Design Memo was about right?

        • Hulksteraus

          No, that was the plans for the redundancy bench being installed in the lower level dungeon.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      That’s Steely D’s lunch.

  • No more “3.5’s” for you Steely D!

  • madhare

    Ah! Now we know why nothing has happened to the sweaty man bun.

  • Marc Rikmenspoel

    I work with FedEx, and police are investigating our records of a series of shipments of Edguy and Sonata Arctica albums from Sweden to NYC, fwiw.

  • Zach Ward

    Could this be, because Happy metal guy wasn’t a big enough fan of Jorn??? Something like that is worth holding a grudge over I’ll say.

  • ashcindersmoke

    March is over, where is the Records o the Month?!?!

    • VikingSchism

      It’s not late yet, everyone knows the records of the month don’t come until two months after

  • Eli Valcik

    For immunity I can provide a witness, I’ve had a bone to pick with AMG ever since he didn’t give ROTY to Vektor.

  • Serjien

    This post is a nice way to entertain everyone and yet remind us all that March’s Rotm won’t be out any time soon. Well played!

  • Dammage

    The lore on this site is just too damn deep. We’re gonna need a wiki soon enough to track everything

    • Drew Music

      We already do. I’m guilty of it, that much I already know, but I have no idea what the fuck moss-peeping is, and my perception of unicorns has been forever altered/augmented for the best. This mess is a place, and I love the deeply woven sub-culture we have within our angry community.
      To that end, I say we let the mystery remain. Ours is a grandeur fading, our secrets run deep and constant. If you get it, hurray, we’re trvly happy to have you; if you don’t get it, stay a while and listen, the secret is in the knowing and if we divulge everything immediately to make life easier for the pleb’s then the terrorists win.
      I mean good God, I can still remember when crafting a mix-tape cassette was not only a thing but THE thing, how did we ever get to this vapid, impatient point? Some things you just have to be there for, we don’t owe anyone instant enlightenment or inclusion.
      Bottom line: let’s please be better than that. This is our thing, we don’t owe anyone an explanation and I’d hate to see the last bastion of my faith in humanity rendered moot by an attempt at clarification for an undeserving world. Again: we’re better than that.
      Post-Script clarification: this is the only web-based social media outlet that I utilize, so I tend to be a tad more verbose here than the average comment-litterbug about roughly everything and nothing. You’re all awesome for being yourselves, just ignore my wordy rabbling and everyone will get along just fine.
      There’s also a chance that coffee brandy typed more words here than I did…

  • Zadion

    God I love this website.

  • According to a bulletin press conference on Swedish TV4, new information have been revealed.

    Happy Metal Guy, known for his outspoken behavior, have been insinuating corruption on a high level within the Singaporean government, claiming to have hard circumstantial evidence suggesting autocratic censorship and threatening to publish this in what could be the first serious article on his otherwise satirical site The Tyranny of Tradition.

    The police are now conducting parallel investigations into this, and other alternative possibilities regarding his disappearance, such as Happy Metal Guy’s suspicious affiliation with the Church of Lukumi Babalu Aye.

    The police say the preliminary charges against Angry Metal Guy and Steel Druhm, currently being held in custody, will not be dropped during the ongoing investigation. Their mutual lawyer say in a brief statement that he is hoping for a fast acquittal, while expressing concern for how one man painted as a grumpy panda and another man refusing to take of his gorilla outfit will be treated in jail.

    And now, sports, followed by the weather.

  • defjam

    Who’s gonna take the helm at AMG INC now?

    • [not a Dr]

      The Viking Gorilla Helm? I guess that keeping it is part of the Druhm’s deal.

  • Westpaceagle

    Haha! Perfect. Just imagining the ‘making a murderer’ style documentary sure to follow

  • [not a Dr]

    Is this the introduction for the Clue:AMG rulebook?

  • [not a Dr]

    If Steel Druhm demands to see his lawyer, can they just show him a mirror?

  • Westpaceagle

    Grymm for overlord! Ferrous for vice Overlord and minister of beatings

    • [not a Dr]

      Are you Dr Scorpio? Or did Grymm just get a second fanboy?

  • André Snyde Lopes

    #IStandWithHappyMetalGuy

    • madhare

      Je suis HappyMetalGuy

  • Scourge

    What actually explains the most in this article is the relative size of AMG’s head! It’s friggin huge!

  • Gaëtan Baratin

    Interpol is only an international archive and intelligence organization. They do not have on-terrain agents, nor can they arrest anyone.

    And yeah, I’m really hilarious at parties.

    • madhare

      I don’t believe you. After all, all those B-movies can’t be wrong.

  • Carl Redfern

    Hahaha I reckon Druhm will be fine in prison… AMG I worry about though too pretty.

  • Bortman Begins

    Drama in the courtroom today as AMG exploded in what appears to have been a confession. The defendant has been quoted as saying: “Yeah I [REDACTED] him! I’ll [REDACTED] all of you!”

  • Alexandros

    Court ruling just came out: AMG has been found guilty and sentenced to community service reviewing Amaranthe records for the rest of his life.

    • METAL OTTER

      Unsubscribe from Amaranthe Metal Guy feed?
      >Yes

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      He has appealed the sentence and entered a mercy plea asking for the sentence to be commuted to death penalty.

  • bolok

    XD lol brilliant

  • Monsterth Goatom

    Nice try attempting to obscure guilt by portraying this as a joke. I have the tapes!

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      Tapes, hmm? It must be hipster black metal, then.

      • Carlos Marrickvillian

        lol

  • Dead1

    Poor Happy Metal Guy. I hope they at least gave him a reach around before they sent him to the great pub in the sky.

  • chris

    I have resisted. You need me.

  • antitayyip

    top nothc sarcasm

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    Steely D is being taken away in an ambulance? I bet he resisted arrest and kept killing agents until his bunker was surrounded by speakers playing “Indelible Heroes” by Brother Firetribe at full volume. When he started dancing he was subdued with 25 tasers.

  • CaffeinatedHeadBanger

    All-Points Bulletin
    AMG website under new management after Angry Metal Guy (A.K.A AMG) and Steel Druhm (A.K.A Steely D) arrested in connection to disappearance of Happy Metal Guy. Madam_X and Dr. A.N.Grier will be taking over till further notice