Turbo Shokk – Get RadicalDecember is a brutal month for us lowly reviewers. Between unreasonable demands for End of Year lists from our monstrous editors to unreasonable Christmas wish lists from our equally monstrous children, we get yanked in every direction. To make matters worse, all the good bands have finished issuing their albums and we’re left sifting through the muck and the mire, desperately trying to find something that will boost our average review scores. Sadly, we almost never find those hidden gems. However, I was pretty sure I lucked out when I saw Turbo Shokk in the December cesspool. With a name like that, and an album called Get Radical featuring a pair of comely lips, how could I go wrong?

Well, if it wasn’t for editorial requirements this would be an incredibly short review: look at the promo pic below. Get Radical is no better than that. But I am required by ancient law to give you, our Faithful Readers, details and justifications pertaining to that opinion. So let’s get this over with. Press releases, band name, song titles, album cover, secretive band member identities, and, yes, one of the worst promo shots ever, all point to Turbo Shokk being another hair metal parody band a la Steel Panther. Not everyone is a fan of Steel Panther, but when taken in small doses they are actually a competently funny band. Why? Because they can sing, they can play their instruments, the music is well produced, and the lyrics (on the songs that work, like “It Won’t Suck Itself”) are cute. Those are all factors required to pull off something as polarizing as a parody band.

Turbo Shokk possesses almost none of those qualities. “Put the Hammer Down” is the opening track, and there’s really no hammer present at all. The riff is middling as is the production, and when singer (and I use that term loosely) Stack Manley comes in with his out of tune “woaaaah, yeah!” the album immediately becomes an embarrassment. Honestly, Manley has to be the worst singer of the year [Excellent name though….Steel Druhm]. Nowhere on the entire record does he even come close to an average performance. Each song is an example of vocal inadequacy. At times the riffs and hooks are interesting, such as on “Strip Sin City” and “Powersmasher,” but the fact that Manley sings on every song extinguishes these small glimmers of hope. The rhythm section is competent but completely lacks feel or creativity. And the arrangements are laughable, with brutal 80s keyboards leaping out of the speakers at odd times, or a cowbell suddenly blasting through the mix. I love me a good cowbell, but “Get It Up” almost ruined the instrument for me.

Turbo Shokk 2016While Get Radical as an entire entity is cringe-worthy, if broken apart and examined at a more granular level there are signs of hope. Well, one sign of hope. The guitar solos are actually decent throughout the album. Razor O’Shea is the alias of the guitarist, and he shows some decent imagination and – wait, what? He doesn’t actually play the solos? Some guy named Hedras Ramos does? For fuck’s sake! Well, Ramos is a pretty good guitar player, but the fact that Turbo Shokk is too shitty to even do their own solos is hilarious. I had originally donated half a point to the rating due to decent guitar work, but I now rescind that point, with extreme prejudice. I hope Ramos doesn’t actually get sucked into any live gigs.

Records this bad give bands everywhere hope that they, too, can be signed. I’m not sure what the real identities are behind these three clowns, but my guess is that judging from the brutal quality of Get Radical, they’ll be too embarrassed to ever let the world know they were responsible for this travesty. The only thing Turbo Shokk succeeded in doing with this album is landing in my Bottom 5 for 2016. Way to go, guys.


Rating: 1.0/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 192 kbps mp3
Label: Edgewood Arsenal Records
Websites: turboshokk.bandcamp.com/releases | facebook.com/turboshokk
Releases Worldwide: December 2nd, 2016

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  • Grymm

    Whoa, wait up… they have a token shredder who doesn’t shred, tokenly? DAFUQ?! And I barely made it one minute into that embedded track before going back to listening to Darkher.

    That is just so, so bad.

  • aaron bergman

    I think they are supposed to be a parody of a hair metal parody band. I think the review takes them more seriously than they take themselves. Their Facebook page is hilarious.

    • Oscar Albretsen

      Who the hell wants to listen to that?

      • chitownproud85

        This. Parody band – okay great, we wont take it serioiusly. But who the fuck is the audience for it? Who put aside their time to record/mix/master/etc this? And for what reason? To be funny? I just…I cant comprehend it. Mind = blown

        • Oscar Albretsen

          Exactly. Maybe the band photos, album cover, and their names could elicit a chuckle, but that’s all it is. After that, is anyone really gonna want to listen to a whole album of guys purposely sounding like shit?

    • Zach Ward

      It doesn’t matter if they’re being funny, or ironic tho if it doesn’t at least sound listenable. Like Cannabis Corpse isn’t the greatest, but at least I don’t want to drown while listening to them. And they’re kind of funny too.

      • aaron bergman

        I am not recommending that anyone listen to them or waste their money. I am old enough to remember the hair bands in their prime, so I find this kind of funny. If they are trying to be serious, then this is a total disaster in every way.

        • Huck N’ Roll

          There’s an art to being funny. This just comes off as sad.

    • Being a parody band doesn’t save you from critical evaluation. As Zach mentioned, Cannabis Corpse are a parody band that is in a whole different league to these guys (I actually think Cannabis Corpse write excellent riffs and have some outstanding songs, but I’m not a fan of any one album)

      • aaron bergman

        I swear I’m not recommending them. I never heard of them until yesterday. I spent five minutes on their Facebook page. They seem like a few guys who found their parents old cassettes and decided to have fun. They probably sent their album to serious metal sites as a lark, never imagining anyone would review it.

  • Reese Burns

    The music is as good as the promo picture? Doesn’t that make this a perfect 5?

    • At least the cover art got juicy lips. Unfortunately someone made a mess there with crayons and shit.

      • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

        There has to be like one thousand album cover that looks like this one, all of them for below third rate stuff.

        • I bet even Twisted Sister’s Love Is for Suckers wasn’t the first.

          • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

            I am pretty sure there is some lame glam band from about ONE DAY before grunge with a misspelled name that has a cover that looks almost exactly like this one.

  • December is dregful.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the WAAAAAYYY!!

      • Oscar Albretsen

        Batmobile lost it’s wheel, and the joker got AWAAAY…

  • Oscar Albretsen

    Wait, these guys aren’t really signed are they? My god, this is beyond bad! 1.0 is WAY too generous.

  • Carlos Marrickvillian

    After a quick calculation

    Takes piss out of Steel Panther + 2
    Stak Manely stage name +1
    Guitarist can’t play guitar +.5
    Inappropriate cowbell +.5
    DR8 +.5

    Suffering through promo clip -2
    Yellow guitar -.05
    Brutal 80s synth – .5
    Spelling of Shokk -.5
    Stunt guitarist -1

    I end up with a solid 0 for this…

    • This is our proprietary scoring rubric. See you in court!

      • Carlos Marrickvillian

        My stunt lawyer Razor O’Shea will have you for breakfast

    • André Snyde Lopes

      I like how ‘inappropriate cowbell’ increases the score.

      • Berit Dogg

        MORE COWBELL!!!!!

      • Carlos Marrickvillian

        It’s a complex system…

      • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

        I was just about to comment on how there is no such thing as ‘inappropriate cowbell’. Cowbell is always appropriate.

  • Dr. Wvrm

    Those vox sound like my 90’s Hetfield imitation. Clearly I’ve been underestimating my vocal prowess. Who wants to get signed to a label with me?

    • Berit Dogg

      I’m in! I own a guitar.

    • [not a Dr]

      If I can use my Rockband 1 kit, I’ll handle the drums!

    • Innit Bartender

      I am not native english. Can I write the lyrics?

    • RuySan

      He sounds more than anything like a Sebastian Bach imitator. If you come out with these for vocals trying to impersonate Hetfield, I’m worried for you.

  • Oscar Albretsen

    80’s hair metal wasn’t that bad at all. Sure, it could be predictable as hell (bands all pretty much had the same look, and sounded very similar), but the instrumentation was very strong, and the vocals were usually the same. Songs could range from derivative filler to catchy and memorable. Some rockin’ tunes and also quite a few great ballads came out of the genre. Of course it was pure commercialism, so I understand why people dislike it, but why actually waste your time “parodying” it by performing shitty, poorly written songs like crap? Are we supposed to find this funny? This is sad shit.

    • There’s some good hair metal out there. This isn’t it.

      • RuySan

        Yes sure there is. Skid Row, Guns n’ Roses….and…mmmm…does Kiss counts?

  • Adam

    So no obligatory Mors Principium Est surprise December gold for 2016 then? :(

  • [not a Dr]

    If I need December hair metal, I’ll listen to A Twisted Christmas.
    Someone should take care of these unicorn-bait pretty-boys.

  • Nahuel Benvenuto

    wtf is that cover, promo pic, song titles, i wont even bother to listen to the song so they dont have one more play on it

  • The Unicorn

    Holy fuck, this is horrible. Hahahaha!!!!! WOW.

  • Dead1

    Review is 100% spot on.
    There is some hope for the rhythm section (kudos for having an audible bass player which most bands don’t).
    But the whole package is pretty dire overall. The singer sounds like some high school kid who hasn’t got a clue.

  • I for one refuse to accept that this band name and this album cover exists, let alone the music.

    • [not a Dr]

      December’s fools!

  • GardensTale

    I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to switch to caps lock for a bit.

    WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS THIS SIGNED? WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?! “HOW ABOUT A LITTLE DNA FOR YOUR T&A” OH MY FUCKING GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOLY SHIT WHAT A PILE OF CRAP!!

    I swear my eye just starts twitching every time this idiot opens his gullet to spray his retardation into my audio receptacles. If I had to listen to a full album of this I would gouge out my inner ears with plastic sporks, going in through the eyesockets. There should be a level below bottom 5 to dump this heap of burning garbage into. FUCK.

    • Nag Dammit

      Sporks are the devils cutlery.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      AMG should use your comment as the review.

  • That promo track sure is a thing that exists.

  • Thatguy

    This is what I’m talking about!

    Band photo = I’m not listening to this shit, and the review agrees.

    • GardensTale

      I saw the band photo and thought of your comment.

    • Oscar Albretsen

      And if they are trying to parody 80’s hair metal, where the fuck are the belt buckles!?

  • lennymccall

    You want wanna rock? Listen to Tower, oh man they slay!

  • The Nerd.

    That band photo!! Atleast The Undertaker is expanding beyond wrestling.

  • SelfIndulgence

    Why?

  • Mister Fister

    I’m friends with “Razor O’Shea”. This is a parody studio band, there was much effort to make it as cheesy as possible.

  • Soupy Sayles

    I can’t believe they not only got signed to a label, but also got picked up to open for some of the newly announced Guns N Roses dates! WTF?!?!?!?!!?

    • Oscar Albretsen

      Looking at ’em again, the joke seems to be really focused on GnR for some reason. That picture (bandanna, top hats, sunglasses, etc), the fake names. The image seems to be directly aimed at making fun of GnR (kinda debatable whether or not they were really even a hair metal band). Kind of hard to try and interpret music this bad, but it might also be a stab at GnR. Obviously, people have different opinions about Axl, so the bad singing may be a direct jab at him. The bad playing/songs/album’s-worth of crap? Not so sure.

  • DrChocolate

    Well, if there goal was to become the house band for some slaggy strip bar on a lonely stretch of I-40 then they *nailed it*.

  • Oscar Albretsen

    Well, I posted in their facebook page about how bad this is, and now I’m actually in a discussion with them (actually seem fairly courteous), so maybe I can get a little insight as to the meaning of all this…

    • Oscar Albretsen

      Well, I hoping, but they wouldn’t even admit that it’s a parody. I suppose that’s not too surprising. Okay, I think I’ve spent enough time on this band.

      • Soupy Sayles

        They won’t admit it’s a parody? Don’t give up man, you gotta get to the bottom of this shit, now!

      • Soupy Sayles

        Ask them how the hell they got signed to a label dude.

      • Soupy Sayles

        And ask them about that ridiculous band photo.

        • Oscar Albretsen

          This is exactly the stuff I’ve been asking about, but it seems hopeless. They obviously don’t take any of this even remotely seriously, so actual questions about it aren’t getting any form of legit replies. I tried asking if the parody was directed mainly at one band or the whole genre. Their reply: “parody? No way Jose (can I call you Jose?) This is the real deal. The realest of deals.”

          Gotta admit, I actually laughed when they replied to my question as to how they got signed: “The question wasn’t how to get signed to a label, it was which label to sign with. Sorting through all the offers was a nightmare and our legal team wanted to poke holes in every draft. We appreciate the lawyers and what they do for us, but man, we just wanna make music and get it out to the fans, you know?”

          • Soupy Sayles

            Holy shitballs. While they’re still talking to you, ask them if they’ve seen the review from this place.

          • Oscar Albretsen

            I guarantee they could care less. Now I’m thinking this is more of a prank kinda thing. Know someone that liked hair metal, so you give this to them as a XMas present “I know you like this kina stuff, so I thought this would be right up your alley,” then you both laugh when they play it. Still have no clue why they made a full length album of it though. No one’s gonna actually listen to more than one song.

          • Soupy Sayles

            There’s no way it could be a prank. What label would go to those lengths to sign an act and press CDs and all that as a prank?

          • Oscar Albretsen

            Well, I’ve obviously wasted way too much time with all this, but if you really want to ask ’em, the link to their facebook page is right there…

          • Soupy Sayles

            Hey, you seem to have their ear.

          • Soupy Sayles

            You should ask them if they’ve seen the review, I’d like to know.

          • Carlos Marrickvillian

            that’s a genuinely funny response… I’m bumping my score up to a tidy 0.5.

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    The singer sounds like they took David Lee Roth and Phil Anselmo, put them together in a blender and then filtered all of the bad shit out of the blended result. Then for some strange reason the bad shit they filtered out ended up as vocals on this album.

  • kmal666

    HOW ABOUT SOME DNA FOR YOUR TNA???