Things have been getting thin on the “people who are actively writing” front lately. That means it’s time to open the doors to these hallowed halls again and let you humiliate yourselves for your heroes. You know, since you’re reading this, that we’re the best gosh darn metal reviewing website around. And gosh darn it, haven’t you always wanted to give reviewing a gosh darn try? Well, after reading this post completely, you will be able to do so.
What makes you the right candidate for the ritual humiliation associated with n00bdom here at AngryMetalGuy.com? Aside from the obvious—you like metal, know quite a bit about it, you tend to find yourself making lists of things, you like to argue for why your subjective opinions are right—there are a few things that will make you a better candidate than others.
- An excellent use of the English language. Please note that this does not mean you need to be a native speaker (see point 7!)—we have had plenty of excellent writers who aren’t—but it is key that you know the difference between its and it’s or that you know how to use a thesaurus to avoid banned words like “samey.”
- The ability to edit your own texts. Writing is about editing. The first draft is never about producing a real review. That happens on the 4th or 5th draft. If you go 300 words over the limit, do you know how to edit it down?
- Timeliness and the ability to hit deadlines. We get it: we don’t pay, life gets in the way, and we’ve all had our share of life interceding. But deadlines are key to keeping everything working and your ability to hit them is a key to working at the blog for a long time. Ideally you will submit a review a week when you write for AMG.com.
- The ability to accurately follow directions and to take criticism. We work with a style guide and you should learn how to use it. You will also get personal guidance in your writing from Angry Metal Guy and/or Steel Druhm. This can mean that you have to take criticism. We promise that you will get better for having done it. But we cannot promise that it won’t hurt your feelings a little.
- An interest in finding new music. Most bands aren’t signed to Nuclear Blast and you probably won’t get high profile reviews early on because we have rules about these kinds of things. Finding good bands that aren’t popular or finding a niche is a good way to enjoy what you’re doing here.
- You are not planning on writing reviews for anyone but us. If you are currently writing for other publications—even if those publications are not metal publications—we need your assurances that thou shalt have no other blogs. This has not worked out for us in the past and we have no reason to believe that it will work out for us in the future.
- You have a unique perspective on the metal scene. Yes, we’re all unique snowflakes and our parents hit that message home nice and hard. But some of us are more unique than others demographically speaking and you know who you are. Don’t be afraid to try!
How to Apply
- Select a record that you would give a 2.5/5.0 on the Angry Metal Guy rating scale. A 2.5 album is as follows: “An album with enough flaws to make it a tougher listen and though you may enjoy up to half of it or feel really torn about it, you struggle to imagine returning to it with any frequency.” This means that at the bottom your score should say “2.5/5.0” and not something else.
- Write a review of it that is no longer than 700 words. Read our reviews on the site and format yours accordingly (song titles in quotes, bands in bold, album titles italicized).
- Prepare a separate biographical paragraph that includes all the following information: (a) name; (b) age; (c) location; (d) writing experience (if any); (e) genre preferences (i.e. death, black, doom, power, etc.); (f) a realistic assessment of your free time to work on assignments.
- Send the review and bio to writers[AT]angrymetalguy[DOT]com by no later than midnight (GMT) on September 8, 2021.1
- Wait politely. Assume that silence is bad news. Do not reach out to us, we’ll reach out to you. Don’t fight with us about rejections.
Good luck, n00bies!
