“Whenever I see bands like Slayer and Motörhead emblazoned across shirts for sale in fashionable high street clothing stores, I always have a little internal conflict with myself. On the one hand, I feel I ought to be enthusiastic about anything that introduces people to the world of heavy music. On the other, a childish part of me kind of likes metal being a bit of a secret society.” Join the club but prepare for hazing.
“Despite the recent rise to prominence of numerous female-driven projects and bands, such as Myrkur, Darkher, and Mortals to name but a few, there’s no denying that metal is still largely the domain of men. Sure there have always been exceptions to the rule — the likes of Girlschool and Kittie have been knocking about for years — but considering there are approximately 3.7 billion of them on this planet, women are still massively underrepresented across the genre.” OCCUPY metal!
“Here’s a sage piece of life advice you can have for free: always carefully check what you’ve typed into your Google search bar before hitting ‘enter.’ I recently fell foul of this little rule while researching ‘depressive suicidal black metal’ (or ‘DSBM’) for the purposes of writing this review. Unless you’re feeling particularly brave, you’ll just have to take my word for it that while DSBM and BDSM might look similar, they are definitely not the same thing. I learned this the hard way.” Are we still doing phrasing?
“Trying to think of a catchy way to start a review when there’s very little information available on the band concerned, most of what is out there is in a foreign language and the record in question isn’t actually very good can be tough. In an ideal world, I probably ought to power through irrespective, taking plenty of time in order to come up with something snappy. Well, in an ideal world I’d also be married to Emilia Clarke, so what can I say?” Get the lede out!
“One-man black metal projects are like rats nowadays; you’re never more than a few meters away from one at any given time. Okay, I may have made that up, but there does seem to be quite a surplus of them knocking about at the moment. While this abundance of choice is great for those of us who like our music bleak and wintery, with every man and his dog getting in on the act, cutting through the chaff and finding material actually worth listening to can seem like a pretty mammoth task.” Allow us to separate the wheat from the rats.
“For a quality so inextricably linked with metal, at times heaviness can be a difficult characteristic to define. For some it’s all about sheer volume and noise, whereas for others, myself included, attitude and the weight of feeling behind the music are key components. Every now and then, however, a record will come along dripping with such malice and vitriol that it nullifies any need for a debate on the matter entirely.” 8 out of 10 Witchfinder Generals recommend this.
“Recently, in the course of a discussion I was having regarding another new release set to land in the not too distant future, I was reflecting upon the enormous number of one-man black metal projects turning up in the AMG promo bin at the moment. Well hey, presto, time for another!” Lonely is the word.
“Stylistically Quartz play traditional heavy metal in the vein of Judas Priest and Saxon, and Fear No Evil has a distinctively old school flavor. Everything about it, from the chord progressions and melodies to the warm, uncomplicated production sounds as though it was pulled straight from the early ‘80s, lending it a reassuringly authentic quality, and first impressions are positive.” Retro, Shaggy!
“I’ve always thought that if there were to be a musical equivalent of abstract modern art then it would come in the form of eccentric, experimental prog or post-metal – music that requires patience and an open mind to appreciate and digest – and such a description could not be apter for Providence’s Queen Elephantine.” Horton hears some drone.
“Through their music, Negură Bunget seek to provide a window into the esoteric world of their homeland and its traditional way of life. Utilizing an array of native folk instruments, they craft a strange, otherworldly atmosphere, sucking the listener in and transporting them to another time and place altogether. Invoking images of rolling grassy vistas, dense woodland and glistening rivers meandering their way down from the towering Carpathian mountains.” Aren’t you Vlad you came?
