Blackosh_Whores Booze and Black Metal1We’ve come a long way from “No Core No Mosh No Trends No Fun” haven’t we? Straying incredibly far from Euronymous’ proposed attitude for black metal, we now have a record from Root guitarist Blackosh‘s eponymous solo project about three things that I like: Whores, Booze & Black Metal. Combining good things doesn’t always work though; have you ever made a steak, scotch, and hamburger shake? I haven’t either, but it would probably be repulsive. With Blackosh throwing those three things into a blender, there’s no guarantee that his milkshake will bring any accolades to his yard; but damn right, I’m going to review it and let you know how it turns out. And I don’t even have to charge!

While the press release said this was heavily influenced by old-school black metal, the music says otherwise. Playing something that sounds to me like latter day Behemoth mixed with Mysticum, this isn’t a nostalgic throwback to the days of old nor even to Root‘s own back catalog. Blackosh‘s vocal performance sounds like what would happen if Rainer Landerfmann fronted a punk band, and this wild and expressive character may prove to be a bit divisive. The drums are also apparently played by a real human being, namely Cepa from Forgotten Silence, a band I’m not familiar with in the slightest. This is odd, as they sound rather artificial in both execution and production and lack even a hint of intensity because of it.

Blackosh has made a record where I can’t totally lambaste the content because it’s competent and not offensive in the Illud Divinum Insanus way, but it’s largely impossible to remember much about what happens throughout Whores, Booze & Black Metal. “Kurvy, Chlast a Black Metal” has a bunch of black-death riffs and mechanical drumming, and as far as this stuff goes it isn’t nadir but it’s incredibly unremarkable. At the 3:13 mark the most stock Demigod riff since 98% of the material from Demigod hits, and while I know it’s well done from a technical standpoint and executed to a tee from a stylistic one, that doesn’t mean it’s interesting, worthwhile, or engaging. The d-beat influence on “Kancelar s Cislem 666” brings a bit of energy to the table with the punk leanings thrown into the mix, but this excitement is short-lived. None of the riffing sticks to the ribs and instead resides firmly in that gray zone of technically competent but wholly unexciting material where the records we hear once and then promptly forget about reign supreme.

Perhaps this was all leftovers from Root‘s lengthy career? I can’t be certain, but the main similarity Whores, Booze & Black Metal bears to Hell Symphony is that some parts really don’t work. “Bic z Lenja” has an incredibly annoying introduction that sounds like a poorly executed parody of a hymn, and when it kicks in it sounds like what would happen if Behemoth pilfered the chorus section of Emperor‘s “Into the Infinity of Thoughts” and sapped it of all vitality. There’s also a vocal bit that sounds like Blackosh doing an impression of what a DJ remixing a rabid dog’s growling would sound like, leaving me at once scratching my head and pounding it on of my desk. “Peklo Nas Bavi” trudges along with more stock riffing for a gratuitous five and a half minutes, and no matter how many times I listened I couldn’t remember a single point of interest. If your curious friend were to ask you to play something that sounds like black-death, you wouldn’t be wrong to play a riff from “Vi Spiknuti se Satanem” but your poor companion would be pretty underwhelmed and probably associate boredom with the black-death tag from then on.

Blackosh_2015

I remember one commenter saying that they like AMG because even though there are doubtlessly records that make us look at a blank page and say “fuck this album” we still give our honest opinion about them and try to make an entertaining read out of a bad situation. Upon reading that comment, “dammit, I have to review that Blackosh record still” immediately popped into my mind. I could dissect every song and explain why it does nothing for me, but I think that ties it together better than saying “this sounds like the most boring aspects of Behemoth mixed with Mysticum minus everything that makes them good with various other bits sprinkled on top” six times in a row and calling it a day. Whores, Booze & Black Metal is like driving past a sign telling you the next exit takes you to the twelfth largest pumpkin in North Dakota: if you choose to drive onwards and skip it, you’re not missing a damn thing.


Rating: 1.5/5.0
DR: 10 | Format Reviewed: 192 kbps mp3
Label: Iron Bonehead Records
Websites: facebook.com/blackosh
Releases Worldwide: November 27th, 2015

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  • Carlos Marrickvillian

    Ooooo look the 12th largest pumpkin!

    • Kronos

      There is a highway that runs through the middle of Kansas that has to be the last interesting road in the world; over a hundred miles of almost perfectly straight, flat tarmac surrounded by what and soybeans.
      Naturally the area Chamber of Commerce wanted to make this seem less soul – sapping and so distributed to every rack of maps at every gas station and rest stop a stack of pamphlets celebrating the “Magnificent 100 Miles” of Kansas. In these you can read a little bit about each town you drive past, including when it was founded and how many grain silos it might have had in the 1920s.
      So magnificent are these miles that the front of the brochure proudly displays a photo of their most beautiful and captivating feature: a single, worn fencepost.

      • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

        100 Magnificent Miles: A film narrated by Morgan Freeman. Coming Summer 2016.

        • You wot m8?

          I’d watch it…

      • AlphaBetaFoxface

        We have a similar deal in Australia. Recently, I had to drive from Coast to Coast and about 2000km into the journey (or 1200 miles if I can math) there is a 150km stretch that is so empty that it doubles as a landing strip for doctors needed in rural areas. There is not a single gas station or town on the road, nor does the road turn. Pair that with it being 2am at the time, we had the pleasure of being able to see nothing. I don’t know if Australia has the technology to print out brochures about this strip. And damn it, there were no pumpkins. Coulda killed a man to see a pumpkin

        • Carlos Marrickvillian

          I’ve always wanted to do that drive!!

          • Hulksteraus

            Same

        • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

          That’s a road where the only applicable music is that Solstafir record from last year.

          • AlphaBetaFoxface

            Close, but no cigar! While Solstafir’s record was on repeat play for large amounts of the total 3700km trek, this 90 mile straight was conquered by Moonsorrow’s V: Havitetty! The entire trip pretty much consisted of folk and post influenced music. But you’d be surprised at what little effect that has on livening up the colossal bore that is the Australian outback

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            I figured it’d be a great companion, because of how long and sparse both are. Moonsorrow is good stuff though! Did you put on any Wardruna? That’s been my relaxing/focusing music of choice lately. Also, “Gone Cold” by Clutch is great for quiet drives in the very early morning.

          • You wot m8?

            A Wardruna reference eh? I think I might have to kick Dr. Grier off The Metal Sporks and extend an invite to you. Tell me, do you play the washboard?

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            I dabble but I’m no washboard Satriani…

          • Francesco Bordoni

            Totally agree, Wardruna is the shit when it comes to soothe the nerves and relax. In that department I also find myself continously getting back to Seidr’s 2013 “Ginnungagap”; with them I’d say we enter more doomy-oriented territories.

            There’s this one particular song off that record, “Pillars of Creation”: whenever it starts, I always feel like me and my problems are getting kicked gently into outer space, and drift towards perfect, total quiet. It’s magical, really.

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            Halfway through Pillars of Creation, this is a pretty cool song. Didn’t expect the almost Demilich sound of the vocals, but I’m very much okay with it.

          • Francesco Bordoni

            Oh totally, I love how them deep growls shine their way through those massive layers of effects.

            They’re a cool cool band, somehow even reminiscent of Agalloch in many of the leads, to me; also – and that’s a big `also` – their line-up is graced by a certain Mr. Lunn from Panopticon.

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            Definitely going to check out the rest of that record. It’s weird, because try as I may I just can’t “get” Panopticon.

          • Francesco Bordoni

            You should definitely, it’s awesome! As for Panopticon that’s ok, no one has to like everything (though in a perfect world a red gigantic SHAAAME sign would materialize over your house overnight)

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            It would contrast nicely with the cannon mounted on my roof to keep poseurs off my damn lawn probably, if we’re still doing a perfect world.

          • Francesco Bordoni

            Also “SHAAAME“ could make for a terreefeeckkk nickname – for your anti-pozers cannon I mean; you’d just have to paint an arrow pointing towards it and there you have it: a win-win situation if I ever heard of one!

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            It definitely works, but I’d need to aim it at posers. My cannon’s name is PoserFaust.

          • Pimpolho

            I really hope that’s something good, or else you’ve got yourself an enemy

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            If feeling feelings on a dark lonely road (which I think Otta means in English) is wrong, then I’ve been doing late night driving incorrectly for a year.

        • [not a Dr]

          This must be cruise-control heaven.
          Especially if you’re diving a plow (to handle wildlife and traffic).
          Can’t decide if it would have been better with Blind Guardian’s Curse of Feanor or Manowar’s Wheels Of Fire on repeat.

      • Carlos Marrickvillian

        Arrrg I hate soya beans!!

        • Hulksteraus

          .. I’m allergic to Soya Beans AND hate Soya Beans :)

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            And the sauce is an abomination!

      • Pretty sure I’ve driven it. Stopped to see the World’s Largest Prairie Dog and was disappointed to find it was fiberglass, not some man-eating monster.

    • Hulksteraus

      It’s not as good as the 13th…

  • Heifer Madness

    I wanted to like this based on enjoying Root and thinking that album title and cover are pretty great, but your criticism is spot-on. Moar like Beige Metal, amirite?

    • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

      Specifically that beige that’s used in model homes. And agreed, Root has some good stuff but this just doesn’t cut it.

    • Hulksteraus

      Elevator metal!

      • Guillotine of Papal Crowns

        OMG

  • BarryLeFreak

    Wait is that a pop culture reference? Here? In the most kvlt, the most trve of all places?

    *gasp*

    posers

    • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

      Dammit, the jig’s up.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      How did you manage to “get” that pop culture reference? You must be a poser!

      I´m sure it was a baited snare and you fell for it.

      ;)

      • BarryLeFreak

        It’s okay for me to know it because I am, uh, the enforcer of kvltness! I need to recognise heresy to fight heresy!

        How dare you question the Inquisition?

        (:P)

        • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

          Inquisition? Dagon kicks ass!!

  • Grymm

    Great review, that embedded song bored me to tears.

    Also: “I remember one commenter saying that they like AMG because even though there are doubtlessly records that make us look at a blank page and say “fuck this album” we still give our honest opinion about them and try to make an entertaining read out of a bad situation.”

    This has been me almost all the month of November. Good GOD, this month blew chunks big time.

    • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

      Thank you! I agree, November sucked. The RotM post is going to be like a podium ceremony for the 101st, 102nd, and 103rd place winners of hurdles in the Olympics. It’s kinda nice in a weird way though, because our free listening time can be spent on good stuff that’s going to make year-end lists. December looks bleak too.

      • Goldicot

        You poor guys just didn’t get the right promos. Serious Beak, The Canyon Observer, and Caecus is where this month was at.

        • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

          Tried all three, and none of them did anything for me. Then again, the first two aren’t my kind of music at all and Caecus sounded like a bunch of skilled showboating on an initial listen. Any particular track from Caecus you’d recommend? I tried “Destruction of Constraints” for what it’s worth.

          • Goldicot

            The Caecus 7″ EP “Affliction” is what I was referring to. The entire thing is under 10 minutes long and the tracks are all untitled, so I’d mostly just recommend the entire EP as a one course meal, but the first track “I” is easily the most fun.

            EDIT: I just found the band you are talking about. It’s definitely not as good as the Caecus I meant.

          • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

            Awesome, will check the right one out today. Thanks for the tip!

    • You wot m8?

      I’ve kinda liked November actually. Granted, nothing has been groundbreakingly great, but there have been some good releases. Kampfar, Moloken, Mammoth Storm, Wailin Storms, and even the recent Moth Gatherer. Sure, this has been no October, but it certainly hasn’t been empty. Nothing mindblowing, but enough to further pad my musical library.

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    Too bad they wasted the best title ever for a Black Metal album on a subpar Black Metal album.
    I guess I´ll have to go find my own whores, buy my own booze and make my own Black Metal mixtape to enjoy a decent evening of Whores, Booze and Black Metal.

    • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

      You, my friend, need to hire a Whorefinder General. Tremendous and underrated service that saves a lot of time.

      • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

        Sounds like a career choice I would be interested in. How does one go about becoming a Whorefinder General?

        • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

          It’s a long and capricious career path that starts with hiring “entertainment” for a recently divorced friend’s birthday and ends up with you in Amsterdam wearing a trenchcoat and shades getting hired by tourists left, right, and center.

  • Guillotine of Papal Crowns

    Diabolus, you always have food on your mind, and you always deliver, therefore that is a milkshake that should bring accolades to your yard.

    • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

      Cheers GPC!

  • BenMech

    Huh, turns out this is Blackie’s new band.

    He had better fortunes in folkmetal band Cales. I miss the GREAT years of Root.