“There are three things you need to know in regards to Raunchy: 1) I’ve had an unhealthy love affair with them since stumbling across Wasteland Discotheque back in 2008; 2) they have the most misleading band name ever; and 3) never say “can I get Raunchy?” when asking for their promo.” We call that a micro-aggression, and we only tolerate macro-aggressions at AMG. HR awaits!
“When I picked up the debut album of Serious Black for review, I knew nothing about this band. What I did know was that the band name Sirius-ly gives me an uncontrollable urge to hunt down Harry Potter and punch him in the fucking face. But once I decided to review this slab of melodic metal, I discovered that this sum bitch is serious-ly special.” Step back folks, we have another “super group” on our hands.
“Honestly, I haven’t been excited for a new release from The Crown in a long time. For one, the quality of their releases has slowly declined since their epic Hell Is Here debut back in 1999.” These cats have an uneven history with more than their share of lineup issues, but they’re back and we have opinions (and some of them are silly).
“Being my first review of 2015, I think it’s fitting that I wish all the AMGers out there a Happy New Year. May it be filled with joy! Conversely, I have two words for 2014: fuck you.” Before we embrace the shiny new year, Dr. A.M. Grier has to air some grievances. He also reviews some interesting black metal.
“How often do you think of an instrumental band that substitutes that wishful vocalist with the swooning leads of a viola? My guess is never. You never think of that. Well, the masterminds behind Sans Soleil thought about it for you.” My mom always says “if you have a viola, you have everything.”
“Down here at AMG, we work our asses off to bring forth “similar band” references and genre classifications, define the intentions and directions of an album, and even evaluate the recording/mixing/mastering processes of the release in order to satisfy the insatiable hunger of the AMG hordes.” And we dont always feel appreciated, so give us beer and hugs.
“There is one problem I have with punk/crust/D-beat. It encourages me to fuck shit up. When done right, the music tempts me into driving 100 mph to work, marching into my boss’s office and beating the living shit out of him. While I obviously have some serious psychological issues here (particularly being that I am indeed my own boss), music like this sets my skin on fire and the only cure for this uncomfortable burning sensation is revolution, overthrow and apocalyptic destruction.” Apparently we found crust punk for the angry solo practitioner. Work your own hours and burn shit down.
“Being the metal fan that you are, I can only assume you’ve had that late-night trip to the record store, hell-bent on purchasing a new album. It doesn’t even matter what album. However, tonight it turns out your favorite record store doesn’t have shit in the way of metal. Either you own it or don’t want it. So you base your purchasing decision on close examination of the “fans of blah blah blah” labels, the artwork, and the band name itself. You finally come across an album just released that week and buy it knowing there’s the possibility for one-of-three outcomes.” Buying blind, oh the thrill!
“Many moons ago, during this very wintery time of the year, I first began to explore the sub- and sub-sub-genres of black and death metal. For me, it was the combination of the calming snowfall and the lonely/depressed state-of-mind at the time that made me a willing victim to the symphonic/melodic black metal and melodic death metal genres. To this day, I go back to those classic albums.” Since winter is truly coming, it’s time to get all depressed, and this might help.
We don’t often do double reviews, and when we do, it’s for far bigger and more noteworthy bands. But when a review assignment gets double booked due to administrative malfeasance, and the opinions are as wildly varied as they are here, you get a bonus holiday double! For your Thanksgiving reading pleasure, we present two divergent thoughts on the tech-death insanity of Resumed and their debut album, Alienations. Don’t read with your mouth full!
