Holdeneye

When you wield the 4hammer, every album looks like a nail.
Eternal Dream – Daementia Review

Eternal Dream – Daementia Review

“Nearly every time I prepare to go out for food and/or drink, I tell myself something along the lines of “I’m only going to have a couple” or “I’m not going to eat too much.” This inevitably leads to a moment later in the night where my wife mocks me for bemoaning the fact that I’ve tested the limits of gluttony and intemperance again. “Just accept the fact that you’re going to get hammered and eat too much and choose to enjoy it,” she says. She’s onto something here. While it’s generally best to aim for moderation in life, sometimes you just have to go into something expecting and embracing excess. This is a lesson that Spanish symphonic power metal band Eternal Dream demands that you take to heart.” Gluttony and lust!

Vane – Black Vengeance Review

Vane – Black Vengeance Review

“If you’re anything like me, you often find yourself pondering the great questions of the universe. For instance, like me you’ve probably wondered what would happen if Lamb of God and Kataklysm made sweet love while Alestorm sat in the corner reading them a bedtime story. Unlike most of the big questions plaguing humanity, we no longer have to speculate on this one. Polish band Vane love drama on the high seas, and on their debut album Black Vengeance, they throw their three-pointed hat into the hotly contested ring of pirate metal. Is this going to be worth the pay-per-view fee?” Hoist the N00bs and batten down the skull pit!

Letheria – Death – Principle Review

Letheria – Death – Principle Review

“While I’ve cherry-picked a handful of straight-up death metal albums that I enjoy over the years, the genre as a whole rarely clicks with me. Whether it’s due to the fact that I have what my mother calls a ‘tender spirit’ (read: I’m a wimp) or the fact that I have a real life job that routinely exposes me to the horrors that can be inflicted upon the human body, the old school death metal lyrical and visual aesthetic has never really appealed to me. Thus, I was nervous to receive a promo that reveals that if the band had a smell, ‘it would reek of gasoline, urine, and blood.’ Ew.” A new taste sensation.

Six Foot Six – The Six Foot Six Project Review

Six Foot Six – The Six Foot Six Project Review

“‘N00b, I have something for you.’ I turn to face the voice, surprised to be spoken to directly as all my assignments have arrived via raven scroll thus far. ‘I want to reward you for how well you’ve handled being the worst n00b.’ Steel Druhm hands me a wrapped package. I stand dumb, just as I always do in the presence of authority figures. ‘I think you’ll like it,’ he says with a straight face before turning to walk away. I hear a sound that might be snickering as he disappears around the corner, but I’m too amazed at surviving a face-to-face encounter with him to notice. I look down at the package and peel back a corner of the wrapping. I find a sticker that reads, ‘For fans of Maiden, Priest, Accept, and Falconer.’ Oh my god! Has Christmas come early? Is Steel Druhm one of those “good” evil overlords?” Apes of wrath.

1914 – The Blind Leading the Blind Review

1914 – The Blind Leading the Blind Review

“Let’s get this part out of the way. 1914 is a Ukrainian metal band that plays songs about German stormtroopers. What could go wrong? It didn’t take much effort to find an interview with founder and vocalist Ditmar Kumar in which he mentions that he’s often asked if 1914 is a Nazi band and drops this quote: “Fuck Nazis and all kind of totalitarian shitheads.” Subtle, but I think we can move on.” Remember the fallen.

Flageladör – Predileção pelo Macabro Review

Flageladör – Predileção pelo Macabro Review

“‘You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.’ These words were shared with me years ago by a mentor at work and have since served as my rationalization for a host of questionable words and deeds. For example, I blamed this penchant for adolescent humor when I mispronounced this band’s name as ‘Flatulator’ upon receiving the promo. I also blamed it for the involuntary giggling that followed this mistake. I sincerely apologize to the band for all of this, but after hearing their music, I’m confident that they would heartily agree with my mentor’s nugget of wisdom.” Beer, beer!

Outlaw – Marauders Review

Outlaw – Marauders Review

Outlaw was formed in 2015 as the classic metal outlet for vocalist Lee Anvel. His numerous projects and associated aliases span thirteen years and range from black metal to doom. Along with co-founder and bassist John Kaiser, Anvel has assembled a band of newcomers for his foray into the most traditional of metals. They’ve donned their studded leather, bullet belts, and pseudonyms and seem intent on delivering the goods.” Bad hombres.