We’d have to ask Sentynel, but I’m pretty sure this is a historically late Record(s) o’ the Month. You’ll forgive me, things have been a bit hectic around the office. Some of that is good and some of it is bad, but the end result is the same: extraordinarily delayed Record(s) o’ the Month. But this month was pretty easy, I didn’t even get much push-back about this—which is a shame, because I like repressing the plebeians. So without further ado, your Record(s) o’ the Month for April of 2019.
“April, normally a time of renewal and hope as Winter slowly falls away to Spring, is also tax month for those living in the United States. That means pouring over inscrutable paperwork, crunching fuzzy numbers and frantically hiding assets. That’s why the Record(s) o’ the Month is tardy, as the entire AMG monkey farm of n00b drones have been chained to calculators and slide rules protecting the fabulous riches of Steel from the tax man’s greedy clutches.” Better late than later.
A RotM post going up 17 days late? Wow, smells like old times ’round here. What’s going on? And more importantly, how are the n00bs to blame?
One month down in 2019 and we’re off to the races. January was by most accounts—excepting the eventual contrarians in the comments section, a relatively disappointing month. After an almost overwhelming and backloaded 2018, the first month of 2019 felt like a pretty tepid start to the year. Fortunately, there were still some diamonds in the rough. So here’s three albums—two which received the reviews they deserved and one which was unfairly maligned—that I think that you should give your consideration from January of 2019.
“By almost any measure, 2018 has been a pretty solid year for music. November has once again left us with a list of excellent candidates for the best of the month. But while this month, we had some pretty big names put out some pretty big albums that, frankly, lived up to their reputations, I think we need to go a different direction. So damn the plebs and the lowest common denominators, here’s your Record o’ the Month!” Trench feet.
October has been a busy month here at the AMG offices. With the n00bcrew in full swing and a harried management team enforcing the new dresscode—yes, you have to wear trousers at work!—October has been busy. And it has been weird. While there were lots of records that people liked, there wasn’t a ton that the staff agreed on. Fortunately, there’s only one Opinion that’s Very Important™ around here: mine! And so, with all the narcissistic excess of a guy who started and runs an eponymous blog, I present to you three albums from October of 2018—a month where a single release date (the 26th) had 126 metal albums released—that I have declared the month’s very best.
“Twenty-eighteen is shaping up to be a remarkable year. September alone had nearly a dozen records that staff writers wanted to nominate for the Record o’ the Month. I can say with certainty, having been at this for a while, that few months have been as contentious behind closed doors at Angry Metal Guy Amalgamated Blogworks, LLC. Dozens of verbal spats escalated quickly into an Anchor Man-like brawl, featuring fighters lining up to shout each other down about Voivod’s legacy, reviews written by fanboys, and Satan’s novelty before someone—possibly Dr. Fisting—attacked Steel Druhm with a trident. After I single-handedly dispatched the opposition to avenge Major General Steely D, however, it was clear that there could only be one choice for September’s Record o’ the Month.” What’s the best soundtrack for a backstreet brawl among metal reviewers?
“In the summertime when the weather is hot, you can look right up and expect AMG to get the Record(s) o’ the Month in late. We have lives, people. Like anyone else we want to dig out toes in the sand, swig fine craft ale and hobo wine and worship the sun.” Don’t let the sun go down on AMG.
“Summer is always a slow time for metal releases. I bet some stats nerd out there could run which months correlate with the end of year lists, but I’d be willing to bet that summer months don’t. This is because most bands are out hitting festivals, fans are out seeing them, and no one’s spending money on new records. Yet albums are being released, and we here at the Angriest of Metal Guys dot Coms have been slaving away over hot reviews this whole time. As a result, we’re hitting you up with the most unexpected Record(s) o’ the Month for June of 2018 ever. Not only is it vaguely on time (they’re a planned portion of the month late so that we could enjoy that Amorphis wallpaper a little longer), but no one fucking called these. Yeah, that’s right. Who’s unpredictable!? I’M UNPREDICTABLE! You’re welcome.” Loose cannon’s gonna cannon.
“It is often predicted that whatever records I review in a month will be the Record o’ the Month. This makes sense, as I have repeatedly referred to this as “Angry Metal Guy‘s Record(s) o’ the Month.” But what’s little known about this process is that we do actually vote. The votes don’t always move the needle on what I choose in the grand scheme of things. However, the writers frequently point me, as The Decider (that means that I decide), toward what the various writers and fans are enjoying. This is quite helpful for everyone involved. So yes, as usual, we are looking at my Record(s) o’ the Month. But this time around, there was also a pretty strong consensus behind closed doors which albums should be the Record(s) o’ the Month. And it gets better: it’s even on time! Is it a coincidence? Or did someone threaten to rip out my fingernails behind the scenes if the Record(s) o’ the Month weren’t on time for May? The world may never know. But the world is going to enjoy the hell out of this wallpaper for the next six months…”
