Electrocutioner – False Idols Review

Our esteemedidiot writer, El Cuervo, declared that Sylosis’ A Sign of Things to Come is what thrash should sound like these days. The result was severe belittling and the union of the true thrash fans who like it fast, hard, and as dated as a denim jacket. Long Island’s Electrocutioner also thinks El Cuervo is an idiot as they reveal their debut album, False Idols. An album that doesn’t give two fucks about being unique, trendy, or even famous. False Idols feels like a band playing a gig at the bar down the street. There’s no talking to the crowd, complete with short interludes for other band members to switch guitars or chug Jager. False Idols ain’t gonna win any awards for originality or change the face of the scene, but that’s not its purpose. This is how thrash should sound.

Even the promo materials read like a band that doesn’t care what any of us think. After listing why you shouldn’t listen to False Idols, the band states that they can’t afford a PR campaign, and if we could review the album, thanks. If not, it doesn’t matter anyway. I didn’t even listen to a note before I grabbed this record for review. How could I not after reading that? The fact that they listed “Long Island” as a reason for ignoring the band was enough to stumble into this thing blindly. For a no-name outfit writing up a ridiculous promo one-pager like that, I expected this album to be utter hilarity. So, I was mighty surprised that not only is False Idols good, but it’s also a hella good time.¹

After the weird, Blade Runner-esque opening instrumental,² “Revenger” starts with a speedy thrash lick that combines Midnight with Toxic Holocaust. It’s a tight piece that sets up a beer-chugging groove that collapses and morphs into a chugtastic back-end charge that closes the song. The follow-up track, “False Idols,” uses the same format but with a nastier vocal approach and highly-memorable chorus. The backing vox in the chorus and solo work also add an uppercut punch to the sinisterness of the track as it chugs along with no care in the world. Another bruiser that mixes Toxic Holocaust goodness with massive chugs is “Collector’s Debt.” This one also has a hooking chorus, and each time it appears, the instruments are led by the throat to it, building and making it more powerful with each iteration.

While the rest of the album plays out like the songs above, there are a few interesting pieces to note. These are “The Guillotine,” “Seven Lamps of Fire,” and closer “Execution of the Witches.” The first two are the longest on the album,³ letting the band play around with styles and stack riffs on top of riffs. “The Guillotine” begins with a heavy-hitting intro with subtle key atmospheres before it morphs into a classic, old-school thrasher. With another catchy chorus, this song tinkers with nifty riffage that evolves and reforms for a big ending. “Seven Lamps of Fire” furthers the formula with real bass and drum presence. Both are mighty, alternating the song between accelerating thrash licks and decelerating moodiness. Toss in some backing gang shouts and a badass transition riff on the back end, and you have a widely varying number. “Execution of the Witches” stands out for being different, which lends itself well as a song and the closer. The vocals are old-school Sodom nasty, with dissonant, blackened riffs. But, the moment you think the band might go all-out black, the punchy chorus has you reconsidering. After the chaos of that is False Idols, this is the best way to end it.

While I find False Idols enjoyable, I’d change a few things. Three of the four instrumentals are nothing but meandering keys and effects that confuse my brain when the rest of the album is so shreddy. That said, “Lost in the Eye of the Void” is old-school cool. Nothing more than a minute-and-a-half of bass guitar reminds me of the good ole days when Burton or Newsted let the band rest as they fiddled around on their bass for a few minutes. And while “Children of the New Dawn” has the potential to be another stacked piece, like “The Guillotine” and “Seven Lamps of Fire,” it doesn’t go anywhere, and I forget that I even listened to it before I get to the closer. Electrocutioner’s debut album is a ton of fun and always exciting, no matter how many times I spin it. For being a band with no representation whatsoever, get these bois on your radar immediately.⁴

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 9 | Format Reviewed: ALAC⁵
Label: Self Released
Websites: electrocutionerthrash.bandcamp.com | facebook.com/electrocutioner
Releases Worldwide: October 13th, 2023