“Ah, April. The air is crisp, the baby animals are frolicking – and apparently, the Swedish Crust Machine has gone into overdrive. For those who didn’t get enough of a D-beating from Victims’ latest album, Parasit is here to belch a layer of grime and bathroom scum all over your precious springtime paradise with sophomore LP A Proud Tradition of Stupidity.” Where did all this shaving flotsam come from?!
“Goats and metal go together like macaroni and cheese or beer and pretzels. These mischievous grass munching fiends have shared a long affiliation with the dark arts, Satan, generalized evil and of course, heavy metal. Plus they have really cool-looking skulls and boast a strong track record of being paired up with various complimentary descriptors in the metal band name stakes. Sweden’s Goatess is another band raising their horns to goats, returning with their second full-length platter, Purgatory Under New Management.” Don’t rock the goat!
“With a name as depressing and hopeless as Mortichnia, it shouldn’t be surprising that this five-piece Irish outfit creates dark, brooding, blackened doom meant to squash all happiness from your life.” Sadness is the new Xanax.
“Hailing from the Kópavogur area of Iceland’s capital Reykjavik, Zhrine rose from the deathly remains of Gone Postal. Somewhere between taking top spot in the 2012 Wacken Metal Battle and and today, the voices behind Gone Postal noticed their sound growing darker, becoming more atmospheric and permeated with despair.” Iceland keeps the fires burning still.
“Desaster is fuckin’ coconuts. There, I said it and I stand by it. The reigning overlords of overkill are back for an eighth album full of lunatic blackened speed/thrash loaded with nods to the deep roots of metal and NWoBHM. They’ve always been unhinged, unpredictable and at times almost a parody of metal itself, but they’ve churned out some righteously amusing and trve moments of molten goodness over their leather and spike studded career.” Feel the foam!
“Ihsahn is always in motion. Following a storied career in one of the premier black metal bands of all time, he’s released five full-length albums. Nearly all of those records have been critically acclaimed, but only one has been critically acclaimed by me. While I enjoyed The Adversary, Ihsahn’s post-Emperor zenith was angL. Starting with After, however, Ihsahn started to lose me. What made his earlier material so good—riffs, riffs, more riffs, and slick composition (also riffs)—began to be replaced by increasingly abstract compositions. And when songs like “Scarab” started getting replaced with tracks like “M,” I stopped enjoying new Ihsahn albums. Yet Arktis. marks the next phase for Ihsahn, having finally left the Nihilists behind him.” Praise Zarathustra!
“Infernal Machine is a seven-part journey, creating the soundtrack to Joe Haldeman’s 1974 novel The Forever War. The story, loosely depicts Haldeman’s military service during the Vietnam War, with the account chronicled as a space opera where the military fails to see its soldiers as any more than complex and valuable machines. This seems a large musical undertaking, especially in light that Ridley Scott has had the film idea “in production” since back in 2008….” An odd prog band bringing to life a weird novel? What could go wrong?
“The brilliant melodies of Iron Maiden and Metallica opened the door to metal for a young Diabolus. But it was the timeless riffs, redline intensity, and searing speed of Reign in Blood that pushed me through it. In the back of my mind, the dragon of Reign in Blood’s speed is always being chased because of this. The viciousness of Slayer’s finest (half) hour complemented its speed, and even today it sounds an order of magnitude faster than your garden variety blast-happy tech-death typewriter-core band.” I hear typewriter-core is the new post-black.
“Ten seconds into Future Cancer, I was damned sure of one thing; this band is from Long Island. Combine the irreverence of the name Piss Vortex with their progressive spin on, of course, grindcore, and you’ve got one grimy, disgusting EP dredged up from the alligator infested sewers of… Copenhagen?” Kronos is great with taxonomy, but not so much with geography.
“Way back in 1984 I was pretty much blown away by the Metal Church debut. David Wayne’s (R.I.P.) air raid demon vocals were one-of-a-kind and the slick, hooky writing and quasi-thrash energy really won me over. While their follow up The Dark was widely panned, I loved it almost as much as the debut. When Wayne packed off for greener pastures, I was loathe to accept the band without him, until they wrangled Mike Howe from Heretic and made stellar use of his leather lunged roar on the amazing Blessing in Disguise. I went on to love all the Howe era albums and struggled mightily to get into subsequent platters with Ronny Munroe standing in his stead. Now 23 years after he left, Howe is back for their 11th album, the cleverly titled XI.” Is church back in session or should you get the flock away from this thing?
