“There are many things one can do in 20 minutes. Cook a frozen pizza. Watch an episode of an over-produced and unfunny American sitcom. Slump idly while contemplating the ultimate meaninglessness and futility of life. Now Bog Oak are here to stake their claim on these precious minutes with their short but sweet début EP.” From the darkest depths of the cranberry bog comes this blackened doom act. Mmmm, cranberries.
“I’m sure by now you all know about Angry Metal Guy’s Law of Diminishing Recordings. In short form, your favorite band is going to eventually suck because they’ll either run their ideas to the ground, or they’ll change and you’ll want to kill them for it.” This likely isn’t the intro you want attached to a review of a Primordial album, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Here at Angry Metal Guy US headquarters, subtle signs point to 2014 drawing to a blustery close. My very metal cats watch the crackling fireplace, mesmerized as the world burns at their paws. Top 10 lists hastily scrawled on the backs of store receipts and the margins of the daily paper are pulled from coat pockets and tossed carelessly about, littering every surface. And as the holiday silly season approaches, I’m winding down, bourbon in hand, returning to the contemplative atmosphere of post-metal and avant guard favourites like Agalloch, A Forest of Stars, Anathema, Horseback and New Keepers of the Watertowers. Now a year and some change after the release of Dustwalker, British progressive black metallers – Fen recapture my attention with their fourth full-length release.” Post black metal just in time for the long winter months? Now you’re screaming Madam X’s song.
“Up until now, there were three things that came to mind when I thought of Ireland; St. Patty’s Day, Guinness and Primordial. It turns out there is now a fourth: ZOM. Now, if you go to their Facebook page, this Irish threesome claims to exist in the “Anti-Matter Universe.” Goofy sounding? It is. But my Aunt has a summer home there and she just loves it. Regardless of where they reside, ZOM are definitely intent on wreaking havoc in this Anti-Anti-Matter Universe of ours.” That’s all well and good, but if they make me spill my Guinness, shit’s going down in all the universes.
“As the season to be jolly fast approaches, Colorado’s Wayfarer is here to bequeath unto us morose darkness-dwellers a jovial record of festive classics… or so you may think from the Christmas wreath on the album artwork. To the dismay of my planned seasonal merriment, what I actually found is a stellar record of post-black metal with deathy undertones – think Agalloch but with Primordial added for the extremity. Wayfarer is a young group with big plans, and Children Of The Iron Age is their first full-length foray into the sphere-obsessed world of extreme metal.” I think our obsession with spheres on metal albums has finally come to a middle.
“Somewhere deep in the bowels of the Internet (right next to erotic Sonic the Hedgehog fan fiction, if I recall correctly), I uncovered Downfall of Gaia, and my dick has been crooked ever since.” Hedgehog porn is a big favorite at AMG, especially “Hedge Trimmers.”
“Bhleg are a two-piece black metal band from Gothenburg, Sweden. That’s pretty much all the information I can gleam from their Facebook page and their label’s website, and they don’t have a page at Encyclopedia Metallum. One thing I did find from my research is that “Bhleg” is Proto-Indo-European for “to shine,” which totally threw off our jokes within the Angry Metal Guy castle, as we were wondering if “Meh,” “Hmmph,” and “*Indifferent Shoulder Shrug*” were all utilized for band names already.” I like “Bleurgh” myself.
“When you consider the type of metal associated with Greece, your mind probably jumps to some of the more well known outfits like symphonic death giants Septicflesh or extreme metallers Rotting Christ. You’re not too far off here, Varathron not only shared members with Rotting Christ, but their early albums are considered cornerstones of the Hellenic black metal stage, alongside the releases of Necromantia and the other aforementioned leaders.” Madam X continues her stalking crusade against Septicflesh and all things Greek despite the restraining order from Sparta.
“If you’re anything like me, you’re super awesome. But more to the point, you would have been saddened by the split of blackened death metal troublemakers Akercocke a couple of years ago. Perhaps the UK’s most consistently entertaining extreme metal act of the last decade, they seemed to improve on every album, reaching a pinnacle on 2007’s Antichrist.” The band is gone, but the legacy lives on in a disturbing new entity.
“Ever since I picked up my first copy of Darkthrone’s Transylvanian Hunger, I’ve been in love with old-school black metal (even though it wasn’t “old school” back then). I’m not sure if it’s the satanic themes, the atmospheric tapestry of nonstop trebly guitars, the vicious/desperate vox, or my craving for the frozen, isolated terrain that personifies the genre so well (“cold” isn’t a word used in the southwestern United States).” It’s old, but is it still bold?
