“Yer Metal Is Olde was started to honor records that we’re 10, 20, or 30 years old. Kronos noticed, however, that we’ve never reviewed Fleshgod Apocalypse’s magnum opus and, not only that, but that Oracles has turned five in 2014! So in honor of one of the best brutal/technical death metal records ever made, here’s a Yer Metal Is (Not Particularly) Olde for this brilliant work of art.”
“If you’re anything like me, you’re super awesome. But more to the point, you would have been saddened by the split of blackened death metal troublemakers Akercocke a couple of years ago. Perhaps the UK’s most consistently entertaining extreme metal act of the last decade, they seemed to improve on every album, reaching a pinnacle on 2007’s Antichrist.” The band is gone, but the legacy lives on in a disturbing new entity.
“The pub gremlins known as Orange Goblin are back and once again, they’ve been fed after midnight and doused with way too much cheap beer and rotgut whiskey. For the uninitiated, that means more rowdy outlaw biker rock filled with southern blues, doom and stoner influences that all get sent crashing into the rocks of macho bravado and testosterone. Following up 2012s enjoyably soused A Eulogy for the Damned, Back From the Abyss keeps the sketchy pool hall chic intact and adds more dumbbells, prison tattoos and Lemmy-isms for a potent potable of in-your-face, no bullshit biker metal.” Grab the moonshine and the brass knuckles, the Goblins are back in the bar!
“With Scotland potentially poised to proclaim independence from English rule in a very un-William Wallace fashion (ballots instead of broadswords), it seems only fair to highlight some Scottish music for a fookin change, eh? Today’s subject is Falloch, a folksy, relentlessly bleak post rock outfit that takes elements of traditional Scottish music and blends them with healthy doses of melodic, vaguely blackened metal. I suppose their sound could be described as Eluvilite mixed with Primordial and Agalloch, with some Enya thrown in for haggis and giggles.” Remember, they may take your dignity, and they may take your lunch money, but they’ll never take…your AMG!
“Let’s face it: traditional symphonic metal is a playground of melodrama that’s nowhere near brutal enough. That’s why Fleshgod Apocalypse and Septicflesh (get mad about that concretion) are such popular bands – no matter how much we complain about their loud as hell albums here, there’s no denying that symphonic death is the perfect step forward for the maligned fusion genre.” Madam X will not take kindly to this Septicflesh bashing….
“”Beautiful” is a word that I don’t normally use to describe an album here at AMG, and especially in Casa de los Grymm. “Fun” is even less of a descriptor. What was it again that Euronymous wanted none of via his record label again? But I took a shot at an unknown (to me, at least) group of Japanese noise brigands (with a former Boredom, Toyohito Yoshikawa, in its ever-growing ranks) known as Vampillia. With quite a few releases under their belt (seventeen, according to their website), their newest, the very wordy Some Nightmares Take You Aurora Rainbow Darkness, is their first full-length, and it’s a good snapshot into their crazy world.” All your bases are belong to us! And don’t call me Aurora Rainbow!
“Portland, Oregon seems the home of the wistful, the home of somber, shifting post-metal with a blackened bejeweled heart. Not too long ago we heard from Agalloch (with a sobering attempt at creating infinity in The Serpent & The Sphere) and now hot on the heels of 2013’s Codex Constellatia, Chasma return with their third full-length release. I’m a slacker and while I can remember seeing the blood red adorned Codex Constellatia hit the promo bin, it’s release date came and went and got lost in the metal mire. Omega Theorian was a little more persistent in succeeding where the earlier release didn’t.” Whenever someone mentions Agalloch in a review intro, I feel the need to read on.
“Considering that the band was left for dead after 2005’s In The Arms Of God, North Carolina’s Corrosion of Conformity has been on a fucking roll these last few years. The band’s original trio reconvened in 2010 and embarked on heavy-duty touring, followed by 2012’s excellent self-titled LP and the hastily-assembled Megalodon EP for Scion A/V. Just two short years later, COC is back again with their 9th album, creatively titled IX.” Old stoner/hardcore bands never die, they just get more garage-y.
“Colts are young male horses. Colts, assuming that they are not neutered in their upbringings, will eventually grow up to be stallions, free to roam the range, gallop at high speeds, and get their horsey groove on with the nice mare a few barns down. I know you’re thinking to yourself, “Gee, Mr. Grymm, why the educational lesson on horses?” (Okay, you’re not thinking this at all, but roll with me here, dear readers.) As mentioned earlier, horses are fast creatures, hence their use as a mode of transportation in the olden days. Coltsblood, a fairly new band from Liverpool, England, is so very, very, very not fast. At all. Into the Unfathomable Abyss crawls and lurches like a pissed off, swamp-covered turtle in a race that’s impossible to win nor does it care for victory, but will you stay involved through all 58 minutes of its marathon duration?” I like turtles as much as the next guy, but…yeah.
“So the Process Church of the Final Judgement wasn’t really your thing? Don’t slit your wrists over it, cults aren’t for everybody. Candlelight Records recently took a walk on the wild side adding a band that doesn’t run with their usual black metal or even their melodic death metal circles. Their band name is absurd, meaningless and annoying to the point where Nothing actually may be the better option, and to say that it had me tearing my hair out in chunks is an understatement. Pet Slimmers of the Year… Have you tried to Google this? No dammit, I’m not putting my feline on a diet, round is a shape too!” Yep, that’s the worst band name of all time. But, is the music any good? Madam X has opinions.
