“Choosing what to do for Halloween is, in some sense, a lot like choosing how to be a metal band. You can try to deliberately frighten people, like Portal, be as provocative as possible, like Anal Cunt, flaunt your good feminine looks like the one member of Amaranthe anyone cares about, do something wacky and out-of-the-box like Troldhaugen, or you can throw on some old goblin mask and just go get drunk, loud and rowdy.” The goblins and ghosts are at the door.
“In a dimly lit basement sits an easel covered by a dust-kissed veil. Beneath it reveals a portrait illustrating denim-clad, leonine-tousled men. Their faces are sunken and scored, their skin sallow and mottled. Whilst the painting’s subjects may be cruelled by time, the actual bands portrayed here are instead brimming with life, churning out quality music that belies their age.” The olde can still be bold(e).
“It was noted in the comments that there’s been a lot of negativity around here lately. That’s not false: 2016 has suffered the runs worse than a 3rd grade recorder recital that accidentally hit the brown note. Whether that’s due to an outflow of compelling material, the recent infestation of scrubs (That’s Dr. Scrvb to you), or just something in the water at AMG Inc., the readership can only take so much aspersion. I swore I wouldn’t embrace the misery. If Re-Armed could generate a lick of positivity from their hyphenated frames, I was going to find it.” In every cloud there’s a silver lemming.
“Originally Steel Druhm was going to write this review, but I used my Inception-like powers to convince him I should handle it. I’ve spent the days since, chewing on my nails, wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into – no pressure at all! What to write?” Don’t screw this up, rookie!
“With the summer truly upon us here in the Americas, what better way to celebrate sun, fun, beers and beach balls than some rehashed, rethrash from Germany? Dust Bolt is another in the endless wave of rethrash that’s been slowly eroding the shores of our collective tolerance since the early days of the millennium, some of it has been good and most merely passable.”
We can argue about what the dividing line between metal and hard rock is until the cows come home, involve the cows in the argument until we feel like steaks, and then argue over some rare 16 oz. deliciousness and a wonderful glass of Cornet. But a satisfying conclusion will never be reached. New Jersey’s Hammer Fight and their sophomore record Profound and Profane are intent on making this fight even more difficult by walking the dividing line with the precision of a man who’s just consumed fifteen beers and is intent on doing a balancing act using the lines in the dive bar parking lot. Regardless of genre tags, what we’re all concerned with here is whether or not Hammer Fight is the life of the party or the unfortunate soul who pukes in the punch bowl and falls asleep on the staircase.
“When “Spain” and “thrash” are mentioned in the same breath, I immediately think of Angelus Apatrida. While they kind of lost me with their newer stuff, their first two albums (especially sophomore release, Give ‘Em War) are essentials. The mold is a familiar one for fans of Testament, Death Angel, Exodus, and Megadeth, but those first two albums deliver. However, a couple weeks ago my definition of Spanish thrash metal changed forever when Crisix appeared in my inbox.” That sounds promising!
“What do you get when the length of time between a band’s demo and their first full-length debut is longer than the entire life of the guy writing about it? This review, that’s what. Next, what do you name your record when you release it sixteen years after we all drained our bathtubs because Y2K ended up not shutting down the municipal water supply? 2.0.1.6, if you’re kvlt Swedish band Mefisto.” Y2K was a ploy by the Illuminati!
“One of the bigger musical surprises of 2012 was the rebirth of ’80s cult thrash heroes Exumer. Those thrashards [thrashtards? – AMG] released the minor thrash classic Possessed by Fire way back in ’86 and things went downhill from there, forcing them to go dark for 25 long years before reforming and dropping Fire and Damnation on an unsuspecting metalverse. The nostalgia factor was high on that one and I couldn’t help but enjoy hearing from these old fiends once again. It certainly wasn’t an essential piece of thrash, but it was a good start after a quarter century of inactivity, and now a mere three years later we get The Raging Tides. So what was Exumer up to the past three years?” How can you not click through with an intro like that!?
“I know this will be a shocker to many, but it appears that Dr. Grier’s second review of 2016 is a thrashy one. This time, however, it’s not a by-the-numbers release of straightforward Metallica, Slayer, or Exodus brown-nosing.” The Doctor and his thrash are like conjoined twins and just as cranky.
