“Maybe it’s the treacherous geography or all the active volcanoes, but there’s just something special about South American death metal. From Mortem’s sadly overlooked De Natura Demonium to the primal brutality of Atomic Aggressor, many of these bands have a certain other-worldliness that just isn’t found elsewhere.” Just want you thought your year end lists were safe.
“Writing press releases for regular ol’ death metal must be a tedious job. Brutal only has so many synonyms, and it seems every fifth album that comes out is supposed to rip my face off or dig out my entrails with a rusty melon baller. My face is still here, I’ve never touched either end of a melon baller, and death metal reliably carries on.” Melon baller awaits!
“Yes, a band called Pissgrave exists and yes, that’s a very dead human being on the cover. Fifteen year old Diabolus is really stoked about how edgy this whole thing is, but much older than fifteen year old Diabolus is fairly aloof about this whole ordeal. While they’re not dressed as pirates, this is nonetheless quite gimmicky.” It always comes back to pirates with this guy.
“Prepare for a journey into a colossal hole, into the deepest chasm, into a cavern of fetid stench and ooze. Bet you thought I was going to make a “yer mom” joke there didn’t you? ” Is there any better place to listen to nasty death metal?
“To pilfer a phrase from the revered postmodern philosopher Christopher B. Bridges, “there’s something wrong if you can’t stand still.” If his words are to be taken at face value, Germany’s Thornesbreed must have sensed a problem in their sound. Consisting of competent but unexciting death metal, their 2003 debut The Splendour of the Repellent was followed up eight years later in 2011 by the 273.15 Degrees Below Freezing EP, which can, for the sake of expediency, be described as “Profanatica but not as good.” 2015 sees the band releasing their second full-length in the form of the enigmatically titled GTRD, marking another step in the band’s perpetual musical wanderings.” Wandering, meandering and change for change’s sake. Is that a recipe for success?
“We don’t know what “progressive” truly entails anymore, what is or isn’t really black metal seems to always be up for debate, and through the salt and the flames I’m still confused as to how “brutal death metal with hardcore breakdowns” somehow isn’t deathcore. Eyes already glazed over?” Incantation worship…again.
“If being wrong about things ranks amongst your favorite hobbies, you probably answer the question of “which country has the overall best death metal scene?” with something other than “Finland.”” Finland, Finland, Finland! It’s always about Finland.
“Radioactive Vomit exist to fill your ears with filthy and depraved music that will appeal solely to those who are already experienced with extreme metal and how to enjoy it. These Canadians have the subtlety of a morningstar, and their 2012 Witchblood demo stood alongside Revenge’s Scum.Collapse.Eradication as a how-to guide for nailing down disgusting Incantation-influenced black metal.” Well, that escalated quickly.
“Interesting accent these bands have got there. New Jersey? No, New Zealand. And Australia. Well then, let’s throw another shrimp on the barbie! 36 minutes of blackened thunder from down under await those with a taste for the cavernous on Call of the Maelstrom from Vassafor and Temple Nightside.” Nasty stuff for nasty people. You know who you are.
“Great, for my first review of 2015 I have a cold. My head is a slime factory, and some genius cephalic operations manager has decided that the best place to store the snot-stock awaiting delivery to my nostrils is behind my eardrums. I’m fortunate that the band I’m reviewing is Desolate Shrine, then, as their ultra-dense death metal is one of the few things powerful enough to penetrate through the aural mucus wall.” Tastes like death, but it’s snot.
