“Anthems, man. Big, beefy, brainless metal anthems. We all love em, and there are some bands born to churn em out. Primal Fear is at the front of that mob, throwing elbows and spilling cheap beer on posers. Unsurprisingly, lucky album 13, the cringe-inducing yet righteously titled Metal Commando is another big ball o’ metal anthems.” Metal forces.
“First off, I’d like to apologize if you can’t hear me too well. I’ve been instructed to shout over the anguished shrieks of the Master of Muppets, who’s having a tough time right now. You see, we’re gathered here today to review In the Name of the World Spirit, the third release from Enzo and the Glory Ensemble, the progressive metal project masterminded by Enzo Donnarumma (Members of God), which is a touch outside of the creature’s usual wheelhouse. But positive, progressive, slightly cheesy power metal is something that I happen to delight in, so here we are! Embracing the glory (ensemble).” Double Glory Awaits.
“I love complex music as much as the next metalhead. The potential for progressive structures and technical wizardry are some of the elements that set rock and metal apart from most other forms of contemporary music. But sometimes, I just want to kick back with something that’s catchy and dumb, and if there had not been plenty of people who agree with me, we’d never have had glam metal.” Expired.
“Scene: German dancy folk metal band In Extremo play on a stage built on the deck of a giant ship. In the hot tub in the audience, a woman wearing a unicorn mask headbangs. A conga line lead by Jesus winds its way through the crowd.” Join the Metal Navy!
“Voodoo Circle make Steel and I yearn for the olde days, when we would sit on the veranda in our trailer park, drinking hobo wine out of pickle jars, listening to mixtapes of Blue Murder, Whitesnake, Great White, and the Scorpions. It was a simpler time: hairspray-soaked blues metal dominated the scene, and there were four main lyrical topics: love, bad love, dirty love, and sex. You can’t get away with that in today’s climate, but that won’t stop Voodoo Circle from trying.” Sex is love.
“As a kid growing up in the 80s, one of my favorite metal bands was Connecticut’s own Obsession. After getting featured on Metal Massacre II way back in 82 they went on to release a killer EP and two very impressive albums of heavy but melodic metal merging speed with an almost hair metal approach loaded with hooks. A big part of Obsession‘s charm came from the powerhouse, leather-lunged delivery of Michael Vescera. After Obsession folded up shop in 88, he became a kind of metal Ronin, wandering the Earth selling his talents to the likes of Loudness and Yngwie Malmsteen, even putting in a regrettable stint in Animetal USA, as well as fronting several super groups (MVP, The Reign of Terror) and his own eponymous act (Michael Vescera).” Ride on, Metal Gypsy.
“If you didn’t listen to the lack of God in the lyrics, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Freedom Call’s newest record, Master of Light, is chock full of so-called Christian metal. It’s a consistently uplifting record, focused on what sounds like good, beauty, and wonder instead of evil and/or nihilism. If the astoundingly good DOOM reboot (easily the best game of the year) showed us anything, it’s that good can easily be an order of magnitude more “metal” than evil.” Power, pecs and pizzazz.
“Sometimes I wish AMG released audio reviews. If we did, the first thirty seconds of my review of Hammerfall‘s Built to Last would be uncontrollable laughter. I mean, for fuck’s sake, they have a song called the ‘Twilight Princess.’ But, for all the laughter and poking fun I can have with Built to Last, Hammerfall have never let me down. Maybe it’s because I don’t expect that much from them, I have never taken them too seriously, and they have been pretty damn consistent for over twenty years.” BEWARE: Falling hammers.
“Just last week we covered Manimal and their crusade to recreate Judas Priest‘s Painkiller for the umpteenth time. Now Primal Fear magically appears as if summoned from some traditional classic metal purgatory to defend their title of Lead Priest Imitator Supreme.” You just don’t mess with another man’s eagle.
“This is quite a surprise, as I never expected to hear from these guys again. Manimal (who’s name I hate because it reminds me of the ultra cheesy 70s sci-fi show) dropped a promising debut in 2009 then proceeded to fall off the edge of the world. I forgot them, life went on and then, BOOM! A new Manimal album arrives in my promo bin.” No one knows when the Manimal may strike!
