Sept19

The Wizards of Winter – The Christmas Dream Review

The Wizards of Winter – The Christmas Dream Review

“If you’re familiar with Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, The Christmas Dream by holidazzle super group The Wizards of Winter is the metal equivalent. I myself am no stranger to these cinematic fruitcakes, as Mrs. Cherd and my jolly old father-in-law take perverse pleasure in subjecting me to them every Yuletide. It’s become such a tradition that we’ve devised a game of Christmas movie trope bingo, and it’s easily adapted to this brand of metal holiday album.” Nice snow globes!

Ancient Moon – Benedictus Diabolica, Gloria Patri Review

Ancient Moon – Benedictus Diabolica, Gloria Patri Review

“While we lowly contributors labor in vain teaching at Promo Bin Middle School, we put up with metalcore shitheads apathetically texting while we’re teaching and black metal nerds threatening to fight us over manga correctness. Meanwhile the quiet drone achievers spend their time fucking up the class average in both directions. Getting a student recommendation from the principal is a huge deal for class chemistry and can go both ways, either the biggest disappointment ever or a star pupil who will inspire generations to come. This was my concern when I saw ambient black metal group Ancient Moon stamped with the ‘editor’s recommendation’ tag.” Go straight to the Principality of Hell.

Horror God – Cursed Seeds Review

Horror God – Cursed Seeds Review

“This brings us to today’s topic of discussion: Ulcerate, who also really likes to generalize. Like, if Everything is Fire, are they really The Destroyers of All? The real questions, man. Russian death metal quintet Horror God really likes Ulcerate. I mean, when you first listened to Everything is Fire, were you like “let’s make a cover band of Ulcerate” to your comrades? Cuz Horror God was.” Grow your idols.

Foscor – Els Sepulcres Blancs Review

Foscor – Els Sepulcres Blancs Review

“Two years ago I was hooked by Foscor‘s Les Irreals Visions. The proud Catalans presented a varied mix of all things melancholic, dreamy and depressive. It was a strong and well-unified record which balanced the line between extreme metal and rock with tact and imagination. I was surprised when I found out they’d been around since ’97; Foscor just seemed to pop up out of nowhere.” Pop goes the Foscor.